A
male
age
51-59,
*mac40505
writes:Me and my wife split up recently and now i hear she is dating a women. she has two bi siblings and has always talked down about them and said she could never be with another women. she does suffer from depression. she is 37 years old and has never done this before that i know of. what is the chance at 37 out of the blue you would start a same sex relationship? I know she will use people for money I am just womdering if she is not doing this for a monitary gain. I am in total shock. My questions are Do you think this is somthing she has hid from me? do you think it could be serious? she has been adimate aobut being straight.
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male
reader, Bobito  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Well, why should it matter to you? You're not together anymore. Of course she could have kept it secret. So many people spend their lives trying to hide their sexuality, and I can't really blame them. Homophobia, biphobia and transphobia are still widespread.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Hi. I can imagine your confusion right now. As strange as it may seem to you, this does happen sometimes. My ex mother-in-law had been married twice, had 6 children, and one day her husband came home unexpectedly to find her in bed with another woman. She was 38 years old. Turns out her little "secret" had been going on for awhile. She divorced, and moved in with that woman and lived as a couple for 10 years. She never told any of the family what happened or what it was all about, so we were all left to wonder. I don't know if she had always been bi-sexual, was curious, or had really been hurt by men so she turned to women?? Who knows?? But it does happen. Sometimes I'm not too sure that the person themself even knows why?? But if I can give you any comfort, you are not alone. After a year of dating my 1st serious boyfriend, we broke up. I ran into him 2 years later (we were 21) by then. He confessed to me that he was bi-sexual. All the time we dated he told me how much he hated gay men, yet they were always hitting on him....and then after we broke up, he "experimented" one night and decided he liked being with men, yet wanted to date me again too. I was very confused, and I think he was too, but he was happy with being with men or women. This was almost 30 years ago, and I was very young and people had just started talking out loud about being gay, bisexual, so it was all confusing to me. Now I wouldn't even bat an eyelash at something like this. Go figure. I think both of these people kept the sexual desire hidden deep down inside and then finally they decided to go with their feelings and see what happened. I'm not sure about your wife, but perhaps she is the same. Regardless of what she says, if she is intimate with another women, then I'd say she's bisexual.
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A
male
reader, jmac40505 +, writes (6 September 2010):
jmac40505 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have moved on as I also have a new mate i am just in a state of shock over it. And no where in my above statement have i said anything about interferring. Matter of fact she went to my new girlfriends husband ( which is in jail for beating my gf up) and told him i was dating his wife. so if anyone has interferred it is her. I was just wondering if somone thats 37 years old and never acted like was bi could really keep a secret that long or is there somethi ng else to it.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 September 2010):
 It's possible she could have always been bisexual but was maybe in denial...people can keep secrets for years because they fear ridicule or losing their security...we live in a very homophopic society so being in denial is very common.
Whatever she is choosing to do now your separated, it's really up to her, so you need to back off and just live your own life.
I know it may be upsetting as you probably feel cheated or betrayed but there is very little you can do about the situation unless you just want to make things worse by interferring.
Many women, who have been in poor or unsatisfactory relationships with men, choose to be in a platonic relationship with another woman for love and companionship, security and support. It's a way of avoiding loneliness as life goes on.
As for the money issue...well if she f*cks up, she will have to sort out her own mess.
You need to begin moving on...because she has.
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