A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay to start off I don't give a crap about the morals involved that is not what I'm asking so just keep those comments to yourself. Who I want to hear from is women who are in love with a married coworker (male). Or if your just in love with a married man.I have been working with a married woman for over 6 years we will call her P. Over the last two years P and I have become much closer. But she gives such mixed signals I just don't get it. I'm trying to figure out if she is interested in me and if so how can I tell if she wants to go further with our relationship. So first things first.We work out at the same time in the gym, some mornings she will come in and give me a wink without saying hi sometimes she says hi and we discuss how our previous evenings were before we get busy working out (and I mean working out not sexual). We always walk out together and have a nice little chat. When I ask her to make a reason for me to come visit her she says I don't need one. She sometimes calls me while we are driving home and we talk about everything but most our kids. Mine are grown hers are younger (I don't care what your thoughts are on how it affects the kids). When her office mate is out she makes sure I know about and asks me to come babysit her. So far it sounds like things are good right? Then I send her an email and she doesn't reply, if she takes a day off I ask her to call me and she says she will but then doesn't. When I touch her arm or give a little shoulder rub she doesn't pull away but neither does she let me know she likes it. I think about P all the time she fills my every thought, but the funny part is I don't really see myself having sex with her even though I'm very attracted to her. But damn if I don't want to kiss her. I know this is an emotional affair already, but do you think she wants more?What I would do to be able to read a woman's mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): I am married and my co-worker is married as well, so I know what you are going through. First thing, you really do need to have a talk about what the other one wants in the "relationship". However, that being said it can and will be an emotional rollercoaster if you both decide to continue.
It sounds like she does like you and maybe wants to pursue the relationship as well. But, when she goes home to her husband and kids at night, she may be feeling guilty. She may be keeping her distance because she is conflicted on what to do next. When you send her an email and doesn't reply, this is what is probably going on. It could also be that she is trying "forget" about you during this time and it obviously doesn't work.
I do think she does like the attention and likes the way it makes her feel but, so do you or you wouldn't be in this situation! :) These are some of the things that I felt in my "fling" with my co-worker....they may not be true of your girl, but I'm just putting my two cents in!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I posted earlier (crazy about a co-worker of mine)
You ask if I think she wants more from you.
Al I can say to this is, if she is the same as me, she is waiting for YOU to say something!
I am having all these touches as well, I don't pull away. I have let him know I like it.I don't know if I did the right thing!
Have you tried looking into her eyes when you are talking?
Not stalker staring or anything, but if she is attracted to you sincerely, her pupils will be dilated when looking at you, especially if she has any feelings for you, this is something we cannot control as hard as we try! There is also a lot of other body language signs which may help, but the eyes are the window to the soul, they do not lie!
I definitely think she likes you and at least likes the attention you are giving her, as for wanting more, you will only find the answer to that if you ask her, or at least tell her that you think more of her than a friend.
I am advising you to do what I wish my guy would do, and come right out and say it. I know it's hard and you fear rejection but she may be thinking that you are just wanting a fling or an ego boost, and this may be why she is holding back herself. She will not wish you to think bad of her.
You really do not have anything to lose as long as you are respectful. Please don't ask her what she thinks of you, tell her that you think more of her than a friend should. If she feels the same, things should move on a bit from there.
At least you know she likes you, I am too shy to wink at my guy or ask for his number!!!!
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Do not ask questions, if the answers do not matter to you."
Do not answer questions that are not asked.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Do not ask questions, if the answers do not matter to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I feel so much for what you are going through right now, I am there myself!
I'm crazy about a co-worker of mine, know he is attracted to me, but with all the mixed signals.
Do you actually talk about anything yet?
You really do need to pluck up the courage to say something.
I know it's hard, she may say she is sorry for leading you on, but at least you will know.
What do you want from her?
Most women will not or do not want a quick fling, I know I don't!
If a married woman thinks enough of another man to wish to be intimate with him, then she will most probably want more, a meaningful exclusive affair with some feelings involved on both sides, but if she is honest, probably will want to keep it secret and keep her marriage seperate and still going, even if only for the sake of children, lifestyle, reputation and fear of opening a can of worms.
(like most men actually)
This is a very difficult thing to do and carry on with without getting too involved or someone 'sussing' you out before long.
You can only find out what she wants if you say/ask her something.
If you are having obsessive thoughts about her it will be hard for you to approach her with any questions, so you may perhaps have to put hints out to her.Of course even if you do this you still may not get any direct answers, I myself have not!
I can tell you that it does get very frustrating to be in this situation, especially if nothing is moving forward, and all those feelings of does she want me or not can intefere with your everyday living, sleep, diet, everything!
It does not get any easier!!!
I am like you, I have a picture of my desire in front of my face constantly, I can't think, eat or sleep well because of it, and it really does hurt, and it starts to affect your concentration.
In order to stop that hurting, you have to move in one way or the other and say something or try to avoidher and back off a little.
"I really enjoy being around you"
"I look forward to seeing you everday"
"I though about you before I went to sleep last night"
Anything like this will do the trick to let her know you think more of her than a flirty friend.
You should get a feeling from the way she answers of whether she is just in it for the attention, or would like more from you.
I just hope you get more of a positive answer than I have myself.I do know that he wants me, he is not moving forward and I have had to tell myself that he just does not want to lose the attention, but at the same time, does not want to 'go there', I just wish he would actually say it to me so that at least I would know, but I will be honest and say I'd rather stay like this than not have him at all!
This in itself is hard to deal with because you still don't actually know do you? Unless you come right out and ASK.
You will only get deeper with your feelings of infatuation, and if this lady is just enjoying the thrill of being attractive, the deeper you get, the harder you will fall!
I wish you good luck with this, I really do know how you feel!!
Please post again to let me know how it went on.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 You need to decide exactly what you want from this relationship before you proceed. Sex?, a loving relationship?, divorce and the unknown?
There are no guarantees that anything will go the way you want, especially since you don't even know where you want to take it!!!
I agree that she probably enjoys the flirting but that it's unlikely she's going to wreck her marriage over a 'fling'
Even if she does end up in bed with you, there is no way of knowing if she would be happy for it to remain on that basis. She may even become obsessive and go a bit psycho on you (women see having sex as an emotional commitment THAT IS WHAT IS IN MOST WOMENS MINDS)...it's an open gambit but one things for sure...
Even if you don't want to hear it, people closest to you are going to get hurt...but you have stated you don't care about any of that so I say...
REAP IT!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Sounds like she enjoys your attention and because she's married she figures you will not overstep that boundary, especially since she's setting hers (not replying to your emails, not calling you on her day off). The flirting and attention you give is exciting to her and makes her feel she's still attractive/special. However, should you try and make a move, I'm sure she'll say she never meant to lead you on. Continue to be her friend but control yourself, step back into reality -- she's taken. The last thing you want is for her to feel guilty and lose her friendship forever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Sounds to me like you just want to hear what you want to hear.It doesn't matter what our thoughts are regarding the morality of the situation or if we care how it affects your kids. My question to you is, do you care? Do you care in the slightest how it would affect your children? Her children?Seems to me by the two very short statements made throughout your entire post concerning the above mentioned- you don't. You sound like an arrogant piece of s**t that is allowing an infatuation to over take your mind as a priority before your children.You haven't even mentioned a thing about your current wife. I presume you have no hard feelings for her? Try recalling all the things you love about her. Because once all is said and done, I can promise you, when you attempt to pursue this, you will break a lot of bridges and bonds. Especially for her and her kids, being that they are young.Get your head out of the clouds, better yet your ass.I doubt anyone here will support your attempts to cheat.Oh but if you want my real opinion as to what I think she thinks- she likes the attention. To know she "still got it". Men still fancy her. She probably enjoys the thrill of being noticed and adored by you. But wont want to take it any further because she is married and has kids to think about.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (1 September 2010):
 do u want a sexual fling,or a relationship with her?
to me,she seems she is a flirt,and enjoys ur company and compliments.
on the other hand,she could really want u but gives u mixed signal because shes married.
why dont u sit down and have a coffee with her,start a conversation with her and gradually,ask her playfully "so hypothetically..." you need to find the courage to ask otherwise u will always be in doubt.
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