A
female
age
51-59,
*huh...right
writes:Ok ... so I'm 35 yrs old ... a mother of one ... divorced ... and dating ... again. We've been dating for 4 months and he lives about an hour away (which might as well be a billion miles to him). He begs me to move to his town, which is very feasible for me, but he is constantly going out. He spends three nights a week tie-ing one on and it drives me crazy. He says it is because I am not there. If I was closer, he would be with me. Do I trust that? Will he change his lifestyle? I can't take that kind of chance ... moving ... changing so much about my life ... and then things are the same as they are now, except now I'm the crazy girl with my kid in the car catching him at the bar instead of "working late" like he says. Not going to happen. What do I do? Is there a way to test these waters? He is convinced that we will be married one day and that we will have a family ... more children, etc ... how can this be if I can't get past this seemingly small trust issue? Thanks for your help :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Please don't take offense but moving closer to him would be CRAZY. You are going to involve a man you have only none for a few months in your childs life? Sounds like an internet romance. If he wants to make the drive and date you for at least a year or more then maybe you could look at moving closer.
Think of what it would do to your kid if you treat Mr 4 months like a hubby and then suddenly he ends things. Most people take a solid year before they show their true colors.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (10 November 2007):
 Hi uhuh. The very BEST advice I can give you is - don't do anything until you have known someone for at least six months.
Put aside what he says - and look at what he does - does he show commitment do you? (Seems like you're doing all the driving unless I'm reading it wrong). Anyway - set yourself a reasonable timescale - at least six months - and any other "rules" you would give your friends - then stick to it yourself. If you don't believe me - take a look around the archives of this website. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 November 2007):
 You seem like a good mom, taking precautions. As well as consistently tying one on. Saying it's because you're not there? NOPE WRONG. He's there because it's a choice he makes. Saying it's because you're not there is a way of placing responsibility for this action somewhere else.
Being together only four months. Too short of time to trust. You can't completely know someone in that amount of time.
I just watched this video and read a story about a little girl named Kelsey Briggs. You may have heard the story, but if not please look up www.kelsey_briggs.memory-of.com/
This is a definite reminder how you need to make real sure you know what your getting into before you do. The sad part of this story is her father was in Iraq in the military, when this girl was fighting for her life, then killed by her step father.
I'm not saying this would happen. But we sure know by history, excessive drinking and children do not mix. And if you're looking for a family life, I really would do more thinking before jumping into this one.
Don't forget as well your court proceedings. Since you're divorced, If there's a custody order, the court has to approve your move, and your child's father has to receive notice according to statute as well.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, ohwoesme +, writes (9 November 2007):
4 month's..I would give it a while longer...did he go out to bars..or work late often before you met him...not trying to be cruel but...is it becuase your not there or because that is just his lifestyle and well my view is men don't change after a certain age......give it time .. you never know but don't put your child or yourself at risk of being hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Well, 4 months is no time at all to decide to move to be nearer someone. I would have to give it a bit longer. Can you and your child not stay with him for a weekend or small holiday? See what he is like. It is too soon in my books to be uprooting and moving anywhere. Talk is cheap with some blokes and what they say they will do doesnt always quite happen that way. I think you need to get to know him a lot better before you move, you are having your doubts now or you wouldnt be asking us this questions. Stay put for the time being, but that is my view.
take care
xx
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