A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why cant i stay in a relationship for more than 3 months, after that i always try pushing away, finding her flaws, and making fun of her? all in all i become an asshole Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 It sounds like fear of commitment. Once the relationship goes past three months it becomes more 'serious and committed' just because time has passed. This sets of anxiety in you, so you channel that anxiety into negative emotions and judgments towards your girlfriend. It's much easier for us to ascribe our negative feelings as the fault of someone else (ie your girlfriends flaws) than admit to ourselves that we are the problem.
It's very common male behaviour, and unfortunately quite hard to deal with. You have to start by recognizing it, then learn why it's happening and come to terms with your fears of commitment.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hi,
I have a 20 year old male friend with exactly the same issues. Only he only lasts about a month before he gets fed up.
I was talking to him the other day, and he is seeing a really nice girl, but the signs are that he is becoming bored. He is really good looking and fit (and he really knows it though). When I asked him if he was still with her, he told me yes but there are so many others out there, I really cant be bothered to commit to anyone. I told him, "your an arsehole" but I love you anyway. He just laughed.
The fact is though, one day he will meet his match. And he is also getting a reputation for being shallow. He is only 20, so imagine what people are begining to say about you.
I think you are treating girls like this because you can. But would you like this done to you?. You say that you look for flaws after a while, dont you have any then.
Well I bet you think you dont!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Hi, hope you dont my me asking these questions.
Are you parents still together? Have you pick up these ways from either parent? Maybe you saw things when you were young. You may just need a trip to the doctor and ask to have some therapy or some kind of counselling. Next time you meet someone you really like try and bit your lip the next time you go on a self destruct course. Dont be so judgemental of them. Let things go that dont matter. Try being nice, but not too nice or you will become artificial. Give it your best and you are young so you can change your ways slightly.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): You lose interest in them because you have a very low self esteem and unconsciously you think that if they are with you it must be because there's something wrong with them.
People who chase partners and when they get their attention lose interest in them are insecure people.
You don't know what you want, you are afraid of commitment and you are emotionally unavailable. Look for help.
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A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 I have a friend like that. She has always pushed men away, until she found the one person that made her weak in the knees. It's not that I am condoning the way you treat women, but maybe when you find the right person, this attitude will fade. Your criticism is basically just a way to express your criteria for women. We all sift through our choices by eliminating those with flaws we can't tolerate. I think that the biggest issue you have is the way you come across. So you get turned off? There is a better way to communicate that, other than being an asshole, as you say. Eventually, there will be someone whose flaws are acceptable, and someone whom you have strong feelings for, even after you try pushing her away.
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A
female
reader, MollyR07 +, writes (9 November 2007):
I have a friend with the EXACT same three month problem. I don't think you have personal issues that need to be worked out necessarily. Maybe you've only had a few serious relationships you felt very strongly about. Relationships really get going with an unspoken intensity, ya know? A person could seem to possess all the qualities you look for, but if you don't feel that fire you've felt in the past, the others seem like a waste of time.
My advice? To simply be more "selective" before you begin dating. That instant attraction that will keep you there longer than three months can be felt from nearly the very beginning. Wait til you find that girl that gives you butterflies, then pursue dating her.. just try not to fall too hard too quickly!!
I hope all works out for you : )
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hi
You are probably afraid of committing to someone and there are plenty of people like that. You should seek some help to help you get over that fear or else you would end up lonely. Many people have overcome this problem it is just a matter of time.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Your need to take time seek some counseling and figure out what's causing these changes in you. There has to be a reason your behavior toward them change.
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A
female
reader, adorkable_gg +, writes (9 November 2007):
 It seems to me that you aren't putting serious effort into making a lasting relationship. As for the women you've dated, perhaps you ended it because you're afraid, or they weren't the right one for you. You can try to change, this you know. I also suggest waiting. When the right women comes along, you'll KNOW that you have to behave differently to keep her. This will motivate you to becoming more of a relationship-guy...or even just a gentleman. While waiting for this women, if you continue to casually date: it's okay to express your opinions about a person, just ease into them and avoid being blunt. Ass for the whole behaving like a jackass, acknowledging that you are one is great, because it means that you're willing to change. Best wishes, and swallow down your rude remarks.[=
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