A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years now. In the beginning we would have sex all the time, but for the last year and a half he doesnt want to. He would rather look up porn and masterbate instead. How do i get him to stop doing that and start having sex with me again?? Please help me. Thanks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I experience these same issues with my boyfriend, and after extensively researching the porn/masturbation thing, and even reading men's perspectives on the whole issue, I am still confused. Yes, I realize it is normal for men to want to look at sexy, beautiful, scantily-clad women...they wouldn't be normal if they didn't desire that. What women doesn't enjoy seeing an attractive man? Here is the problem though...when the porn and masturbation become obsessive (meaning daily basis, or can't go a week without it) and it causes your sex life to drastically decline and/or diminish...then it's a problem. I keep reading where some men continue to justify their behavior...okay, so you look at porn SOMETIMES...I don't see a problem with that and it can actually enhance your sex life...BUT...MEN...if you are neglecting your girlfriend/wife's sexual intimacy needs and only thinking of your own...then why is it such a surprise to you that she is unhappy and complaining? Especially if you actually have a woman in your life that WANTS to have sex with you??? Good grief! There are plenty of men that complain that their woman doesn't even want sex...so be happy if you have a woman that does for crying out loud, and consider her feelings too (or WHY be in a relationship in the first place??) and stop being lazy and only concerned with yourself and reciprocate for her too.Yes, I said lazy. A lot of men are just lazy about real sex. They want a quick-fix and they don't respect or love their significant other enough (obviously) to WANT to also make her feel good and satisfied. Or they worry too much about performing, etc. Get over it, be a man, and take care of your woman too!Not only is it disrespectful to your woman if you CONSTANTLY have to turn to porn, but it makes her feel compared to. If you would rather have porn than the woman in your life, then get out of the relationship and stay away from women...duh. You defend and justify your behavior, but you won't put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your woman had the constant urge to look at other men online and she stopped having sex with you because she would rather masturbate? Would this not make you unhappy over time? Get a clue!Men and women were created to love one another, to treat each other with kindness, respect, love, and to share a sacred intimacy with one another. I honestly don't have a problem with my boyfriend occasionally using porn...but too much of it is going to obviously affect your relationship. The men that are so deep into porn don't want to face themselves and realize this about themselves, so instead, they continue blaming the women in their lives and saying that they are "nags" who just need to accept it. BS, we DON'T have to accept it...and you should be so grateful that you have a woman that loves you enough to bring it to your attention rather than leave you...HELLO...SHE IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT SHE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP???There are no excuses for excessive porn use. It is a huge problem, and it destroys relationships. Would you rather your girlfriend/wife leave you and you can be alone to your porn the rest of your life, then have a woman who truly loves you and desires to be intimate with you? If so, then quit complaining and placing the blame on your wife/girlfriend, and take some responsibility for your own actions that are causing her hurt, and just don't be with a woman. Do you think we women don't have feelings and needs?I believe that excessive use of porn destroys men's self esteem, rational thinking of sexual intimacy, and causes them to become entrapped in something so goofy as having such an irresistable urge to "rub one out" constantly while viewing other women. It's just flesh guys! I realize you're human and get fantasies and desires...but it doesn't have to overrun your life to the point of ruining relationships and turning you into a freak that can't stay away from the computer monitor! It reminds me of a crack addict...LOL.You know, I occasionally look at porn and masturbate, but geez...I don't let it control my every-other-thought and consume me...LOL. There is more to life and relationships then just looking at other people's flesh and then jacking off your own flesh...WAKE UP GUYS!!!! It's a no-brainer as to why your girlfriends/wives are concerned about you! Think about how ridiculous this addiction is and have some self control for God's sake!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I experience these same issues with my boyfriend, and after extensively researching the porn/masturbation thing, and even reading men's perspectives on the whole issue, I am still confused. Yes, I realize it is normal for men to want to look at sexy, beautiful, scantily-clad women...they wouldn't be normal if they didn't desire that. What women doesn't enjoy seeing an attractive man?
Here is the problem though...when the porn and masturbation become obsessive (meaning daily basis, or can't go a week without it) and it causes your sex life to drastically decline and/or diminish...then it's a problem. I keep reading where some men continue to justify their behavior...okay, so you look at porn SOMETIMES...I don't see a problem with that and it can actually enhance your sex life...BUT...MEN...if you are neglecting your girlfriend/wife's sexual intimacy needs and only thinking of your own...then why is it such a surprise to you that she is unhappy and complaining? Especially if you actually have a woman in your life that WANTS to have sex with you??? Good grief! There are plenty of men that complain that their woman doesn't even want sex...so be happy if you have a woman that does for crying out loud, and consider her feelings too (or WHY be in a relationship in the first place??) and stop being lazy and only concerned with yourself and reciprocate for her too.
Yes, I said lazy. A lot of men are just lazy about real sex. They want a quick-fix and they don't respect or love their significant other enough (obviously) to WANT to also make her feel good and satisfied. Or they worry too much about performing, etc. Get over it, be a man, and take care of your woman too!
Not only is it disrespectful to your woman if you CONSTANTLY have to turn to porn, but it makes her feel compared to. If you would rather have porn than the woman in your life, then get out of the relationship and stay away from women...duh. You defend and justify your behavior, but you won't put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your woman had the constant urge to look at other men online and she stopped having sex with you because she would rather masturbate? Would this not make you unhappy over time? Get a clue!
Men and women were created to love one another, to treat each other with kindness, respect, love, and to share a sacred intimacy with one another. I honestly don't have a problem with my boyfriend occasionally using porn...but too much of it is going to obviously affect your relationship. The men that are so deep into porn don't want to face themselves and realize this about themselves, so instead, they continue blaming the women in their lives and saying that they are "nags" who just need to accept it. BS, we DON'T have to accept it...and you should be so grateful that you have a woman that loves you enough to bring it to your attention rather than leave you...HELLO...SHE IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT SHE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP???
There are no excuses for excessive porn use. It is a huge problem, and it destroys relationships. Would you rather your girlfriend/wife leave you and you can be alone to your porn the rest of your life, then have a woman who truly loves you and desires to be intimate with you? If so, then quit complaining and placing the blame on your wife/girlfriend, and take some responsibility for your own actions that are causing her hurt, and just don't be with a woman. Do you think we women don't have feelings and needs?
I believe that excessive use of porn destroys men's self esteem, rational thinking of sexual intimacy, and causes them to become entrapped in something so goofy as having such an irresistable urge to "rub one out" constantly while viewing other women. It's just flesh guys! I realize you're human and get fantasies and desires...but it doesn't have to overrun your life to the point of ruining relationships and turning you into a freak that can't stay away from the computer monitor! It reminds me of a crack addict...LOL.
You know, I occasionally look at porn and masturbate, but geez...I don't let it control my every-other-thought and consume me...LOL. There is more to life and relationships then just looking at other people's flesh and then jacking off your own flesh...WAKE UP GUYS!!!! It's a no-brainer as to why your girlfriends/wives are concerned about you! Think about how ridiculous this addiction is and have some self control for God's sake!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): My boyfriend is doing the same thing. I think they are scared to tell us what they want and choose to look at porn as a getaway. Everyone likes to have a secret nobody else knows about. I guess this is their dirty little secret. It hurts our feelings but they dont know that. You just have to let them know some of your wild sex ideas and maybe you will find you can both come to an aggreement.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I've seen a few good answers on here and one or two crappy ones. I've been married for a couple years, and I have to say...sometimes I handle things on my own because I'm actually too tired or because my wife isn't interested in one or two of my fetishes. His reasons might be the same...or they might be completely different. I tell you, if my wife was as anxious to get some as you sound (no offense) that would drive me wild. But guys don't communicate well (most of the time) and we *certainly* don't put out or recognize the same kind of signals you ladies do, so he might not know. Get to know him better...maybe sit down with him and plan a romantic evening. Or if you think you can, watch it with him. though honestly, there's a wide variety of porn out there and the kind he likes may or may not be "chick friendly" as it's sometimes called. If not, see if you can find some that is -that he will LIKE- and use that to get your evening started. I don't want to go into too much detail here, especially since you might not go for that idea at all, but if you think you can you shouldn't have too much trouble finding info online about how to go about it. If you can't, don't stress yourself about it. But try to keep an open mind. DEFINITELY try to get to know him better, though. That's the only way to know if you need to change, he needs to change, or you've hit a dead end in your relationship. Friends First, Lovers second. It just works better that way.
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A
female
reader, sy +, writes (10 November 2007):
Wow. I feel your pain. Sounds like you and I are dating the same guy. Please let me know if you find anything that works!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): check out the posts at no-porn.com, it may open your eyes to a serious problem with your boyfriend that no amount of coaxing on your part can fix or overcome.......it seems to be a serious problem with men now. very, very sad. take care of you and let him deal with HIS problem. staying in this situation will tear you up and you will loose yourself in the process. please don't take this lightly
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Try to spice things up suprise him when he gets home from work be laying on the bed dressed in sexy lingerie with you make up all sexy, or spend the day sending dirty texts, walk round the house in lingerie and cook for him dressed up till he cant resst anymore, try all sorts take a trip to a sex shop buy things that would spice things up, but dont force him if he isnt intrested sit down and talk about it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I think to have a good relationship again you should pay a great role .First i want to answer the following question by yourself that is:
Do you give him the same love as you met him first ?
Do you keep your personality as before
Do you have good attitud for yourself?
Please try to give best value for your friend and for youself and you will some changes
keep on
bye bye
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): Have you tried discussing it with him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): LMAO.... go to him grab his cock, look at him strait in the eye and say "Would you rather look at porn or put this where it belongs!" Don't forget to smile evily. Oh, do this when ever you feel like it not just when he is looking at porn. Just come up with a different line simular to the one above. He will either go for it and if he don't then it might be time for you to find another boyfriend that is worthy of you and your time.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hi
Maybe you should try and spice up your sex life. Do something special. Give him a massage,make dinner for him. Wear a kinky outfit and that should get the ball roling. If that doesnt work then you should speak to him about his lack of intimacy with you.Communication is really important and right now you deserve some answers. There is also the option of seeking profeesion halp.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 November 2007):
 A year and a half. Isn't that a bit long to accept this treatment? What is going on with men (no offense to my whole gender), but there are so many guys who'd love to have a girl come by for a night, and those who have it right there would rather whack it than have the real thing. There's something wrong with that picture.
I'd be firm and let him know you need attention, and that he's dating you, not his computer. If he can't give you respect, it may be time for serious counseling or time to end it.
I wish you luck. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): it is natural to have a decline. you shouldnt take it personally. this happens in every relationship. seriously!
dont try to pressure him into having sex with you. let him come around. be confident of yourself and he will become more aware of your sexuality. Dont beg or make it into a chore for him or he will see it that way.
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