A
male
age
51-59,
*icky1
writes:Can anyone help me I've been with my partner for 4 years now we have lived together with her 2 kids aged 16 and 17 for 3 1/2 years we have made a house a lovely home we've been on lots of hoildays as a family with our friends and on or own,most days i drive her to work most days we meet for lunch and most days i pick her up, we go for lots of walks we both go to the gym we went out for meals 2-3 times a week, then last year while we where on a holiday on the last day she said she wanted some space this took me by suprise as we phoned and texted daily we would make love 3-4 times a week all this stopped i wasnt aloud to phone her at work or text her she would do the old hour over time not much, sex went to once a month if i was lucky 2 months after this started i went out with some friends and ended up having a one night stand which i regeated 30 seconds after and have done ever since i would do everything in the house tidy clean cook do the washing she would set on the sofa drink a bottle of wine then fall asleep in Jan this year a got a phone call from this woman who told me her fella and my girlfriend was having an affair at work i went straight down to her work kicked off big time dragged her home after loads of arguements she swore on her kids life nothing was going on i belived her things went back to normal regual sex weekends away meals out happy again or so i thought things didnt seem right i asked her about him but she never really talked about him anymore she started to go out for walks on her own 3 months ago we where going to go on a bike ride but on the last minate we had a arguement she went for a walk i went on a bike ride at the end of my ride i texted her she texted me back then she texted again but it was not ment for me it was for the fella from work i phoned her i went to her a big argument i kicked off i phone this fella he said i was the one with problems not him as he was happly married my partner broke down and told me it all 11 months she had been having the affiar because of my one nght stand i felt guilty i also felt sorry for her as she felt abussed by him i made her give up her job i forgive her i wanted to take care of her i got her to stop drinking things seamed happy again i told her of my one night stand now i'm the fool see throws it in my face all the time i never throw her affair at her ive sat her down an spoke to her about everything and she say she does not know if she loves me and when gets through this she will let me know i just said i'm willing to take the chance
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 People many times think when someone's behavior changes all of a sudden that it's natural, NOPE something changes within the person's routine that causes the sudden change. Cheating is a big one that changes it. I re-read through your statement 3 different times. I ask you to take another look at it as well.
What I notice was the change and decrease in sex took place prior to your one night stand. That leads me to believe strongly that he affair began prior to when she stated.
It looks as if you're someone who takes responsibility a bit better than she does. I want you to look at it this way (and stop feeling guilty for her actions) You made the bad choice to have the one night stand, you told her about it, and didn't blame her for your actions. She had a long time thing, blamed you avoiding personal responsibility.
People get blamed for so much by others, when their just really blowing smoke. Here is the way I look at it. If you didn't volunteer your precious time to drive her over to pick him up and then by gunpoint or other means force the affair, then it's not your fault. Remember this, THE ACTIONS OF ONE CAN NOT CAUSE THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER. It's like that with everything, even you deciding to stay with your wife, or attempt to, that's your choice, no one else's, her affair was her choice no one else's.
I'd ask her if she feels that way because she is now in love with the married man. If so, she's also potentially ruining a marriage of someone who had nothing to do with any of this.
If you two want any chance of resolving, professional help would be needed to facilitate it.
I wish you the best, take care.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 November 2007):
People many times think when someone's behavior changes all of a sudden that it's natural, NOPE something changes within the person's routine that causes the sudden change. Cheating is a big one that changes it. I re-read through your statement 3 different times. I ask you to take another look at it as well.
What I notice was the change and decrease in sex took place prior to your one night stand. That leads me to believe strongly that he affair began prior to when she stated.
It looks as if you're someone who takes responsibility a bit better than she does. I want you to look at it this way (and stop feeling guilty for her actions) You made the bad choice to have the one night stand, you told her about it, and didn't blame her for your actions. She had a long time thing, blamed you avoiding personal responsibility.
People get blamed for so much by others, when their just really blowing smoke. Here is the way I look at it. If you didn't volunteer your precious time to drive her over to pick him up and then by gunpoint or other means force the affair, then it's not your fault. Remember this, THE ACTIONS OF ONE CAN NOT CAUSE THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER. It's like that with everything, even you deciding to stay with your wife, or attempt to, that's your choice, no one else's, her affair was her choice no one else's.
I'd ask her if she feels that way because she is now in love with the married man. If so, she's also potentially ruining a marriage of someone who had nothing to do with any of this.
If you two want any chance of resolving, professional help would be needed to facilitate it.
I wish you the best, take care.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hi
You wife acted in an immature manner. Does she not know that 2 wrong definatelt dont make a right? You need to take a stand in your relationship. I think she is walking all over you becaeuse of your mistake and she is holding that against you. People make mistake which you have but you have also apologized and regret what you have done. You want to make up for it but she is not giving you a chance to. To me it seemed like everyhting was fine and it was her that change in behaviour that pushed you to do what you have done ( im not blaming her it is still you that has done the deed.)Speak to your wife as to where she wants the relationship to go to. If she wants to make things work (which you are willing to do so) then i suggest that you get some marriage couselling. If she doesnt know or doesnt want to then i think that the best thing that you should do is move on as your life would be wasted tryingto win her over if she doesnt want to be with you. You have both made mistakes (which you acknowledge), apologize and move on.You should work on making your relationship great not dwelling on the past.
Regards
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