A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is the saying true? Once a cheater, always a cheater?" Is it possible that the 'cheater' simply hasn't found the right one, or is it a flawed gene or something? Can a married man (for instance) find love outside his marriage and maintain that he is not a cheat to not only the wife but the lover as well? Then can his lover take other lovers and maintain that she is 'in love' with said married man? Please let me know what you think about this scenario....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): In short, yes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): A female who claims she cheated for "lack of emotional support" is likely a serial cheater. A male who claims "it just happened" or "she doesn't mean anything to me" is likely a serial cheater. I find that cheaters who stand a chance of not being repeat offenders are the types to actually take responsibility for their actions when asked later. They aren't the ones who just try to justify it and/or minimize the severity of the wrong was asked about it. If you justify something to others, then you're also justifying it to yourself at the same time whether you intend to or not. And that means you're also readjusting your view of reality to mean that you didn't do any wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): I am going to say that NO, not once a cheater always a cheater. Being a former cheater while separated from my spouse I did it because I was not getting any emotional support, affection or sex at home and had not for several years. When I asked for marriage counseling, it turned out that I was the only one who went. Eventually we did divorce some 10 years later-due to parenting obligations. Am I proud of what happened, no. I am angry with myself and my spouse, whom I never should have married because there were problems before but he convinced me that once married, he would be different. Haha. I would say that if a person has affair after affair, etc that then maybe that person, a serial cheater, would not be a good bet. I think I would be a good bet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I have to say that i back Uncle Phil with this one. There is never a simple yes or no.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (8 November 2007):
 In most cases if someone is a cheat they will always be a cheat. There are exceptions to every rule. The reason I personally advise anyone to steer clear of a known cheater is because of the qualities that you must possess to be a cheater. 99% of cheaters have 3 charactersitics: dishonest, irresponsible, and selfish. All of which are not qualities that are desirable when looking for love. If a man/woman is not happy in a relationship the honest, responsible, and unselfish thing to do would be to leave the unhappy situation. When a person cheats usually there is a problem not with the ralationship but with the person who is cheating. They are looking for something to make them complete, and they think that it can be found with a new love or relationship. When more often than not what they need to repair is inside(mentally/emotionally) Then they create a pattern (looking and cheating) and I refer to these people as serial cheaters. Just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 No, the saying is not true. People cheat for different reasons. Yes, there are some who are habitual, meaning they are addicted to the "high" that comes from doing something naughty, secretive and bad. But most are simply searching for whatever is missing in their relationship, and hopefully once they find it, they do not repeat the behavior. And what's missing from their current relationship varies. They may be feeling neglected by their spouse due to long work hours, extended travel or circumstances where they don't have alot of quality time together as a couple. There may be abuse issues that cause them to seek love elsewhere. It could be simply that they've grown apart and lack quality intimacy which may leave one of them more vulnerable to the attention they receive from someone outside the marriage. I hope this helped you out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I don't think there's a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer. There may be many reasons for cheating. I think that at No.1 would come lack of affection at home,
No.2 their partner 'letting themselves go',
No.3 Checking that the grass is greener elsewhere,
No.4 boredom,
No.5 mid-life crisis.
etc. etc.
The list is potentially endless.
However, if everything in the garden is rosy and a couple are extremely happy with one another, cheating becomes less likely the happier a couple are.
Phil
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Unfortunately in is generally true. It's not about genes. It's partially damaged self esteem, character and integrity.
They are self centered. They're going to get what they want sexually, or what they crave, no matter if they really hurt the person they claim to love in order to get it.
They may change if they go seek help to fin out why they have become part of the decay of good relationship standards. If not, their behavior will remain a tumor in society.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 November 2007):
 No, the saying Is not true. A person makes the choice to cheat or not to cheat, it has nothing to do with past realtionships. Marrige is supposed to be a one-on-one forever kinda thing, but if you both AGREE to open up the relationship and you are both COMFORTABLE with it, then that is all that matters. Running around behind each others backs, however, is wrong and dishonest, and it breaks the vows you swore to uphold when you married each other.
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