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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Every time I start to get over her past, something new pops up!
Q. I have been in a relationship for aprox 10 months and I'm having trouble getting over my girlfriends past. When we first started dating one time after sex we were lying in bed and she started in on the "what's the craziest sexual thing you have ...
A. 8 January 2011: I don't think we'll ever understand women, but from what I do understand is that they don't understand us most of the time either. From that respect, we're even. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 8 January 2011: I don't think I'd buy that excuse either. If that's what he meant, would he have asked you to work out with him to give him motivation to loose weight?
If he tries any other method of controlling you, remember, you don't deserve that and don't pu... (read in full...)
I don't like women in any way but I watch lesbian porn. What does this mean?
Q. im 110% straight. but i watch lesbian porn. i dont like women in that way just the porn. what does this mean??...
A. 7 January 2011: It means your experiencing your sexuality. It's perfectly normal. Women are more sensual then men are, and women on women can be very sensual, and gentle where standard sex might not always be that way. It's not the woman that you want to be with, ... (read in full...)
Since we got engaged he is getting more and more mean, and refuses to seek help for his anger problems. Help!
Q. Hello, I've been dating my guy for two and a half years. We got engaged around our two year anniversary and have set a wedding date. Since the moment we have gotten engaged he has been progressively more mean. We have had fights before, he would...
A. 7 January 2011: I agree with the other posters, and I'm sure they'll agree that this guy follows the pattern of how "actual" domestic violence progresses. At first glance, anger issues may or may not follow this pattern, but where you said he wanted you to quit ... (read in full...)
Every time I start to get over her past, something new pops up!
Q. I have been in a relationship for aprox 10 months and I'm having trouble getting over my girlfriends past. When we first started dating one time after sex we were lying in bed and she started in on the "what's the craziest sexual thing you have ...
A. 7 January 2011: So, you two are sexually active? So, you don't like what she has done in her past, but you don't mind going there and doing to her what other guys have done? If you two split, you will then become a past that someone else might not want to hear ... (read in full...)
What does he get from being with them rather than our son and me?
Q. Been with my spouse for 5 years now, but he has cheated in the past. However the past year he has been the worst to me and put me through an extreme amount of hurt. He cheated twice this year but not just gone and slept with some one he's left our ...
A. 7 January 2011: Let me ask you this. In your gut do you feel he's cheating? Yes or No... There's your answer.
My question is: what the hell are you doing? Do you think you are worth that little to allow him to keep walking all over you. It almost seems like you... (read in full...)
Why is sex so easy and emotionless for some guys??
Q. I started to fall for my fwb, and when I told him, he said ok we should stop. I cried a bit and he said sorry but he just doesn't see us as anything more than friends. I have begrudgingly accepted this...it is very hard to get over him, because we ...
A. 7 January 2011: I hate to say it, but when you agree to a FWB situation, don't expect it to evolve from there, because the intent and the boundaries are not anything other than a physical, sexual relationship. I see these as 2 adults, being friend, but what the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 7 January 2011: Don't loose weight for any guy. If you feel beautiful and sexy the way you are then that's the way you need to be. There's a guy out there that appreciate every single 132 lbs of you, and every other part of who you are. I'm sorry, but it sounds ... (read in full...)
My hubby is cheating! What should I do?
Q. I'm 28 and live with my 30 year old husband and 3 kids. I'm in a weelchair so we live in a bungalow , however latly I'm not sure if my hubbys been so honest or faithful to me. It started about 1 month ago, my husband was coming home later and l...
A. 7 January 2011: I agree, you don't need to be with someone who is not honest with you. I'm not someone who cheats because it's not who I am, but also because I don't believe if you love someone that you do something that may potentially harm them. Whether or not ... (read in full...)
Should I like this mentally challenged girl?
Q. [Mod Note: It would be very helpful if you could state your age and how old this girl is. This will help you to get better answers] There is this girl(of age 21) who is a couple of years younger than me(i'm 23). She is mentally challenged. She ...
A. 5 January 2011: Is it okay to love and care for her? I don't see why it wouldn't be. Are you sure no one is looking for her? What you need to make sure of is that you are caring for her because you desire to help her, not categorizing her as if she has become your ... (read in full...)
Dear God, please give me the courage to talk to him!
Q. i like this guy we meet at church. We stare at each other for song as we pass by each other but we don't talk . There was a day when we were about to pass by each other he seemed like he wanted to say something but i was so stupid , gosh i passed ...
A. 5 January 2011: You're at church, talk about God. That's a good start. Just begin by saying hi, how are you and go from there. Pick something you two have in common, like church. Say something like, "Wasn't that song .........." Whatever you choose. Or ask him a ... (read in full...)
How can I stop hating my body? How can I ignore the media and men's opinion?
Q. I hate my body, I'm 22 and I'm done growing. I don't look like the typical woman men in my country like, which is busty (even if fake) slim waist, big round butt (no cellulite though) and kind of medium sized thighs. I'm almost all that except I ...
A. 5 January 2011: I remember years ago watching a talk show where magazine, playboy and penthouse models were talking. They thought it was humorous that people actually believe they look like the end print result. On t.v. they showed their stretch marks and ... (read in full...)
My ex is asking to meet with me over Christmas break?
Q. I just got home from college for Christmas break and my ex-girlfriend had sent me an email saying she wants to meet while we're both home. We were friends for a long time before getting in a serious relationship and it ended because of the d...
A. 5 January 2011: Spend this time on working on who you are and yourself. I may draw you two together in the future, or may not, but if it had whatever you do for yourself will benefit who you two are together. Let life happen, and don't restrain it. Sitting and ... (read in full...)
My ex said he doesn't care about me and never will. I'm crying my eyes out
Q. my ex officially cut me off for the same reason below... what do i do now? he told me he doesn't care about me and he never will... And if i have a miscarriage he really wouldn't care.. i'm crying my eyes out because i didn't believe that this is ...
A. 3 January 2011: It sounds like this boy is not very nice to you to begin with. I'd recommend not associating with him anymore and finding a guy that's right for you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. ... (read in full...)
Son's medical condition goes untreated by his father and father's family
Q. I am a single mum no bf with a young son who is ADHD and autistic, and I have full custody and am not involved at all with his dad. My son's dad and his family are really p***ing me off :(. This New Yr I want to change things and think I need to ...
A. 3 January 2011: I'm sure you know from your son's treatment that ADHD is a hereditary disorder. From what you have written, it doesn't take much to see which parent suffers from ADHD as well. Adult ADHD is not much different than with children, but it's affect ... (read in full...)
My ex is asking to meet with me over Christmas break?
Q. I just got home from college for Christmas break and my ex-girlfriend had sent me an email saying she wants to meet while we're both home. We were friends for a long time before getting in a serious relationship and it ended because of the d...
A. 2 January 2011: It's understandable that she wants to figure out what she wants in life first, but truthfully, you are both going to be doing different things in life, and most relationships sustain that truth that the two people are different and have different ... (read in full...)
Cheating with my brother's friend on my boyfriend
Q. I have a boyfriend with whom I've been dating for a year and half (long distance relationship). We see each other every 5-6 months. Everything was perfect. I know he loves me and he is the nicest guy I've ever met. But we r different. He is 24 ...
A. 29 December 2010: First the judging part. No matter how your life is, cheating is still bad. I have never found a view where we can state that cheating is bad, unless.......
You need to end it with your boyfriend. You've found another. It doesn't make you a bad pe... (read in full...)
How does a person gain confidence and not worry what others think?
Q. Hi There! How does one gain confidence and not fear what others think of you? At 40 you would think I would know better! My story begins from when I was only 13. I was sexually-physically abused or maybe more like my uncle didn't penetrate m...
A. 29 December 2010: You need to forget about these family member and what they say. There are mean people in this world, and they will only affect you if you allow them to. You have a good man now, so this relationship needs to be your foundation on your way to ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have a " special" friend while in a relationship?
Q. I am involved with someone and so is this man that I am asking about. We met thru work 2 years ago. He has reached out several times to me thru calls and text which I thought was strange as we are both in long term relationships. Our communication ...
A. 28 December 2010: Is it okay to have a man as a friend while in a relationship, of course it is. What makes it inappropriate would be the intent. Now this relationship, from your words takes on a couple of different meaning in different directions. First you have ... (read in full...)
I want to keep the baby of 2 month relationship
Q. Im 8 weeks pregnant and boyfriend wants abortion and has already dumped me! he says he has a 6 month baby and is not prepared to have another baby and we were together for only 2 months! i want to keep the baby but im afraid of being a single mom. ...
A. 28 December 2010: Forget about the relationship for a moment. Are you wrong for wanting to keep your baby? Absolutely not. He got your pregnant then left, you're much better off as being a single mom than you would be with him. This is your baby, don't let him tell ... (read in full...)
My aunt's father in law made inappropriate comments and now I feel really uneasy around him!
Q. I have a bit of a problem. Over the holidays me and my relatives went to visit my aunt's in-laws and their family, who I used to feel comfortable around. They're usually nice and welcoming people, so I had no reason not to like them. But, on t...
A. 28 December 2010: Stop being afraid. There are certain lines relatives or near relatives should not cross, and if you feel he did, I would not recommend being alone with him in any situation. You mentioned only being values for what's in between your legs. Why are ... (read in full...)
Should I open that forbidden door or play it safe?
Q. hello im needing advice. im 24 and a parent to a 4 yr old boy. im also married and have been with my partner since i was 18. hes 30 yrs old. my dilemma is that he wants another baby. he feels hes ready and i do too but is it wrong for me to want ...
A. 27 December 2010: I have to agree with the other posters. You made your choice when you got married and had a child. You know there are people out there now, hitting the clubs etc, who would trade places with you if they had that chance. The happiness you have with ... (read in full...)
Scared, pregnant, freaking out and nowhere to go.
Q. I'm still in highschool. I was with this guy for like a year now. We had sex and we used a condom. But the condom broke. And now I'm pregnant. My boyfriend broke up with me after he found out. Now he's with this girl that was supposed to be my best ...
A. 27 December 2010: I was adopted. My birth mom was 15 when she gave birth to me, and although she began looking at reconnecting when I was 15, at 33 I found her and we have had a wonderful adult relationship.
It sounds like you know what you're doing, and it's nic... (read in full...)
Scared, pregnant, freaking out and nowhere to go.
Q. I'm still in highschool. I was with this guy for like a year now. We had sex and we used a condom. But the condom broke. And now I'm pregnant. My boyfriend broke up with me after he found out. Now he's with this girl that was supposed to be my best ...
A. 26 December 2010: You are going to move in with your brother and his girlfriend. If you were a burden, his offer would not have been made. I am saying this because you won't abort, and I can give you many reasons not to as well. If you were to decide you're not ... (read in full...)
He has Asperger's syndrome. I want his friendship. I don't want to be his therapist
Q. Hi I was hoping that someone may have some advice for me here as I have not been able to find much anywhere else. I met a guy last week at a friend's party. I thought he was cute, so I approached him and started talking. He seemed caught off ...
A. 24 December 2010: It sounds like you are already on the right track with how you view these disorders, maybe others who are in school or newly graduated will be as well, then we can see the results from this new paradigm as the old washes away :) Take care... (read in full...)
My ex is asking to meet with me over Christmas break?
Q. I just got home from college for Christmas break and my ex-girlfriend had sent me an email saying she wants to meet while we're both home. We were friends for a long time before getting in a serious relationship and it ended because of the d...
A. 24 December 2010: give an update after you see her. ... (read in full...)
Was I raped by this guy years ago. How do I get over this?
Q. I had a really traumatic first time, experience years ago. I was making out with someone and I was happy just with that. Then he forced himself on me and had unprotective sex with me. It was very painful. I couldn't stop crying, but he kept going ...
A. 24 December 2010: NEVER EVER listen to a doctor when he's giving legal advice. Yes you were making out, but there is a huge difference between that and sex. Realize this guy was a dick, and hopefully he messed up and someone chopped his off. Well, one can only hope. ... (read in full...)
He has Asperger's syndrome. I want his friendship. I don't want to be his therapist
Q. Hi I was hoping that someone may have some advice for me here as I have not been able to find much anywhere else. I met a guy last week at a friend's party. I thought he was cute, so I approached him and started talking. He seemed caught off ...
A. 23 December 2010: Your right about them not picking up on emotions, just as many autistic kids often do not have the ability to carry or allow negative experience or karma attach to their sense of being. I will say that between the two, there are qualities that both ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant by someone else, my boyfriend doesn't know and I can't have an abortion!
Q. Hey pipo m hopin u help me out on this problem....me and this guy have been datin 4 2yrs nw,n i met this nice guy we went out @ some club and took enuf beers...we later went 2 his home we had sex and now m pregnunt n my boyfriend doesnt knw about ...
A. 23 December 2010: No matter how hard it may seem to you. The first step you need to take is to tell your boyfriend the truth. If you stay together, that's okay, you can work through this together. If he decides to leave, you have to accept it because that's always a ... (read in full...)
He has Asperger's syndrome. I want his friendship. I don't want to be his therapist
Q. Hi I was hoping that someone may have some advice for me here as I have not been able to find much anywhere else. I met a guy last week at a friend's party. I thought he was cute, so I approached him and started talking. He seemed caught off ...
A. 23 December 2010: You told him when you were out making out with him that you are a therapist, so I doubt that's his intent in getting to know you. Your experience will allow you knowledge and by your education, patience where someone else may not have it. I haven't ... (read in full...)
My husband just left out of the blue, and I really don't know what to do!
Q. My Husband left me 5 days ago. I came home to a note on the table stating that he was leaving. He told me he would let his next check go into the bank. He left his debit and atm card on the table with his key. Well we have a 11yr old son together ...
A. 23 December 2010: You need immediate assistance. I understand he's giving you his next check, but will that take care of your bills. It's imperative that child support and spousal support begins a.s.a.p., if your state recognizes this support. I apologize if I speak ... (read in full...)
I make out with my step brother on a regular basis and I know its wrong. What do I do?!
Q. this has nothing to do with any of my other questions.. its just diff. drama.. and im sorry its long! okay welll my dad got married a month ago to a really nice women.. all she talked about was her 2 kids.. lets say danny and andrew.. well on...
A. 23 December 2010: It's not like you are biological brother and sister. If you like him, I don't see an issue other than how your dad and step mom might see. He's staying over there, and you are making out in your room, where you said it yourself, "were about to get ... (read in full...)
Me and my girlfriend both cheated on each other
Q. Its almost the end of 2010. In February of this year, my girlfriend admitted to me on a drunken night, two guys took advantage of her and they both had sex with her within minutes. Since she told me, I in returned confessed that I had cheated on...
A. 23 December 2010: You are viewing her as her past and not as the person you claim was your best friend and that you love. I see your issue from two angles, the first being the guys themselves and doing what they did with her, the second is of the protector and what ... (read in full...)
Is this a normal part of the grieving/healing process?
Q. I think i may be in love/lust with my dead best friends husband. This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. When i was 18 i was engaged to "Matt" he was killed in a car wreck 3 months before we where to get married. ...
A. 23 December 2010: I really don't know how to answer this question. My initial feeling is that [what if] your feelings for her husband are a way for you too keep hold of her. What I would do is search deep within yourself to see what, if anything, you felt for him ... (read in full...)
Can I trust him the next time I have sex with him, especially if I'm drunk?
Q. im 14 and my boyfreind and i are in year ten and yesterday we were at a party and we were drinkin and basically we started kissin and we went up to his room cuz the party was at his house and we had sex and we didnt use protection but we had a big ...
A. 23 December 2010: If you can't, why are you together? If you decide to, you need to come up with strict boundaries around what you expect. If alcohol causes you to loose focus where you don't know if a guy took time to put something on, it's time to stop drinking.... (read in full...)
I want to go to counseling, my wife wants a separation!
Q. Dear cupid, I have a situation that I would like to get some advice on. My wife and I have hit a rough patch in our marriage. We have changed all of our focus to our four children and spend no time to rebuild our marriage. My wife admitted to having ...
A. 23 December 2010: First of all. Trial separation: DOES NOT EXIST, neither does "lets take a break" Who cam up with solving relationship issues, by looking outside of the relationship to do so? Before she had an affair, which is looking outside of the marriage for ... (read in full...)
I need some inspiration to get through this breakup
Q. Ah! I think I just need some support. I believe I have been unlucky about guys since the second grade. lol. But the reason I am asking for help is not that. I have recently been dumped. I think it is for the better but I have a hard time kee...
A. 23 December 2010: You need to stay away from him. If you try to get him back, what happens to you has gone from his doing, to being your fault for knowingly putting yourself back in that situation. Why do you feel that would be okay? I believe you deserve so much ... (read in full...)
I'm falling for my gay male cousin!
Q. First off, please don't judge me.. I'm finding myself falling for my adopted cousin who is also a gay male, who is 20. I'm 19 years old and a straight female. He got adopted into my family when he was around 2. We didn't really know each other when ...
A. 23 December 2010: Your right, and it's not just that he's family. He's gay. You don't fit his profile of having the right equipment. I can't tell you how many girls I know or that are on here that have fallen for a guy that is gay. They are said to be more sensitive ... (read in full...)
He says that all I do is bitch at him but I'm just trying to help him!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year... I love him very much and want to spend my life with him... But he doesn't make the right decisions for his life... He's scared of having cancer, but he smokes a pack if not more of cigarettes a day, ...
A. 23 December 2010: You can't change him, that's something that he has to do himself. Bitching at him can actually add to his not doing, because you're the one who's suppose to love him but you judge him as if he's worthless, therefore he'll begin acting the way he ... (read in full...)
I'm gay but desperately need to be straight
Q. I need some advice about my sexuality. I'm an 18 year old girl and I'm gay, but I desperately try to be straight. I don't have a problem with gay people and I'm not homophobic, but I was always raised to believe that men end up with women and ...
A. 23 December 2010: In sacrificing, as I've said, try to find some common ground or something that attracts you to who you are with. Although I agree with the other posters, I have to say I admire you because you're willing to sacrifice who you are for what you feel is ... (read in full...)
Now that my bf broke up with me, I'm still interested in the guy who asked me out during our relationship. How do I approach it?
Q. [ModNote:OPs own title] Well, I met a guy through eHarmony on July 30th and, even though he asked me to enter a relationship that night, things just did not work out. We never fought or anything but he just sent me a text last night saying, "I did ...
A. 22 December 2010: This depends on how close you were with your e harmony connection. Since he asked you out, and you turned him down, how about you ask him out. Nothing big, coffee or whatever, or let him know that you are interested. You said you two text daily, so ... (read in full...)
Should I have ever changed in the first place?
Q. I have been dating a guy for over a year. I was initially swept off my feet by him as he is very outgoing and fun. I very quickly fell in love and decided that I wanted to marry him. I started learning to cook well and learning Arabic in order to be ...
A. 22 December 2010: So, you have a boyfriend, but you are angry and jealous of his brother's relationship with his girlfriend. Why is that? Are you not happy in your relationship? If not, don't be in it. Are you married now?
You made these changes, and pursued ... (read in full...)
I'm gay but desperately need to be straight
Q. I need some advice about my sexuality. I'm an 18 year old girl and I'm gay, but I desperately try to be straight. I don't have a problem with gay people and I'm not homophobic, but I was always raised to believe that men end up with women and ...
A. 22 December 2010: Have you been sexually intimate with a female? As a guy, I'll admit we don't know the female body like a female does, so we often fall short with the girl we're with faking that moment.
If you were to change your position from gay to strait, ... (read in full...)
My ex is asking to meet with me over Christmas break?
Q. I just got home from college for Christmas break and my ex-girlfriend had sent me an email saying she wants to meet while we're both home. We were friends for a long time before getting in a serious relationship and it ended because of the d...
A. 18 December 2010: I believe in your situation what will bring more pain is in your question. "What if"? You don't know that answer until you take a look and see. I would recommend that you meet up. As you said, you were friends a long time prior to college. Just ... (read in full...)
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