A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am involved with someone and so is this man that I am asking about. We met thru work 2 years ago. He has reached out several times to me thru calls and text which I thought was strange as we are both in long term relationships. Our communication became more frequent and I wasn't sure what he wanted. He stated to send me small gifts and flirt more and more. He talks about how much he loves his gf and how amazing she is... They have kids together as well. I finally asked what he was looking for and he says that he is very attracted to me physically and mentally but is involved and loves his gf. He says he can never be physical but just wants to have me be a close friend that he can share things with. He knows his gf would kill him if she knew of our relationship and so would my bf. He has great trust in me as I could tell his gf but would never do that. I am confused why a man at a high level position with our company would risk his job and family to have a special but none physical relationship with me. I truly care for him but I want to find out from you guys if this is truly what you think he wants from me or if he will someday want more? Also this could be a nice, fun relationship as we could intrigue and have fun with each other. Is this wrong? I think that he has a certain love for me but knows it can never go beyond what it I'd. I feel like he is my soul mate, he makes me laugh and have a feeling that nobody has ever given me. I would try to go after him in a heartbeat if there were not kids involved as I believe that children are most important and need to grow up in a home with both parents. I just want what little piece of him I can have but I don't want to destroy lives and I feel this is dangerous. Your help and your experience would be very helpful
View related questions:
flirt, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): You are running full speed ahead into quicksand. If you are attached to this married man with children now... just imagine where it will wind up if you start getting physical. You will be a smitten kitten and destroy your life and the lives of others. Do a fast forward. We can learn through ACTUAL experience, or common sense. Use common sense.You'd go after him in a minute if he didn't have kids... well, he does... so don't. Leave this guy alone and walk away pronto. In my opinion he wants to sleep with you but he's chicken to make the first move for fear of scaring you off... he's sticking his toe into the deep end of the pool and taking it slow with you...winning your confidence and friendship first so that he's guaranteed it won't backfire on him...After all, he can't very well have a woman he hit on blab about it, now can he? What assures that you wouldn't... Why this magnificent friendship, of course.I think he may be an okay guy, but I think he's taking this lamb to slaughter and you don't even know it. You are pretending that he's a eunic and just your buddy... but that is perhaps the biggest lie you are telling yourself right now. He has an end game and his coy game is getting you right where he wants you. He is winning your confidence.. this protects him and gets you in the sack.Walk... run.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Thank you for your responses. A little insight. It can never be phyical because he lives across the country. We would purposely have to try and meet which neither of us would do. My bf knows of him but dies not know of the extent of our communication. My bf have an amazing relationship too and I was not looking for this to happen. I am immediate attraction when I first saw him 2 years ago but knew I would never talk to him Gain. He started texting me a week later very infrequently. Soviet guess he felt the connection too. He is very unique in that he thinks differently then anyone that I have ever met. He knows of other people who have carried on relationships such as ours and it met a void in there lives. I know this isn't 100% right but I want to keep the contact. We have tried to stop before but we just keep coming back to this. I like the answer that he is my soul mate but not meant to be romantic in this life
...............................
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (28 December 2010):
What is happening here is that your "friend" is too lazy to fix whatever void exists in his real-life relationship, and so he is using you as a fix and you are doing the same thing with him. It's an emotional affair. These type connections are not only dangerous, but can be just as devastating, if not more so, than a physical affair. Once feelings are involved, things get very sticky indeed. If you want to end up hurt and miserable, keep doing what you are doing. Let me draw you a map. Sooner or later you are going to become completely attached to this guy. This, in turn, will simply work to kill whatever feelings you have for your bf. Once that happens, you will split from the bf (or he will split from you). This process takes a bit of time usually. It's a painful thing to watch a relationship wither on the vine and die. But, that's what will happen if you keep investing emotional energy in someone else other than your bf. Once your bf is out of the picture, you will be alone but emotionally attached to an unavailable man. Your "friend" will then most likely become less "available" particularly if he sees you wanting to take things to the next level -- which you will want to do in order to justify all that you sacrificed for your new "relationship". That's when things get really crazy for you. Your relationship with your bf has been destroyed, and your "friend" is now stepping away from you because he wants to protect what he has in real life. Where does that leave you? Alone and emotionally at the mercy of how your so-called friend treats you on any given day at work (what fun!!). Do yourself a favor. Stop this fantasy nonsense and work on your real relationship. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (28 December 2010):
I do not know what this man will want, and that is also an important point if what and how he CAN perform with you. But that is sure, if somebody is in a "long distance relationship" then he/she will be more sensitive to notice attractive persons around, and if two "long distance" people meet in an office (or else), then they can make their loneliness more easy and comfortable. And the long distance partners being far from these two should not be informed about this bracing friendship, even if it is with some benefits.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Wow, what a bunch of hooey! So he loves and respects his girlfriend so much he's willing to have another woman he's attracted to physically and mentally as a "special friend" but won't tell his girlfriend whom he loves and respects very much? You're already talking in terms of soulmate and he does things to me that no one else does, I guess that includes your long term partner? This is an emotional affair, and with the best will in the world you are both being deceitful about the status of this relationship. If there was nothing to hide then you would let your partners know, but you won't. So stop lying to yourselves, you need to extricate yourself from this "friendship", because it's not a friendship if its based on lies and if it goes any further it will surely become physical, then a lot of lives will be ruined. Tread carefully and be honest. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (28 December 2010):
 You need to walk away from this situation right now. You are having an emotional affair that is fast heading towards physical.In your whole question you never mention your feelings for your boyfriend. It is like he is an afterthought to you. Do you love your boyfriend? If so, why are flirting and thinking about a relationship with this other man? A man who, btw, is not talking about leaving his girlfriend so it's pretty clear you would be nothing but the other woman.He won't want more. He specifically picked a woman with a relationship so you'd both have something to lose and you won't rock the boat.Go and fix what is wrong with your relationship instead of looking outside it.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Is it okay to have a man as a friend while in a relationship, of course it is. What makes it inappropriate would be the intent. Now this relationship, from your words takes on a couple of different meaning in different directions. First you have this friendship, which you agree, and he agrees must remain platonic. Second, you believe he's your soulmate, which [if true] greatly intensifies your emotional connection and possibly his as well. Can this end up dangerous to your relationships? Of course it can, but both of you restraint is needed to keep your friendship at the level of remaining appropriate.I won't say if this is right or wrong, because I can't make that determination. This is because, on the one hand you're both in relationships, but on the other if you two are soul connected, that connection is beyond our physical reality, and would be created by a force greater than my understanding. Soulmates are a divine connection, and hold a level of truth that I'm not qualified to say would be wrong. In working with relationships, I use to run into soulmates every now and again, but over the past year or two I am running into an abundance of those who claim to be soulmates reconnecting.What I want you to understand, where you said you'd jump on it, although the energy is intense, this type of connection is not always meant to cross over from what you two share right now in this moment. They are not always meant for marriage and romance. I've met plenty who have this intensity who know they will be best friends during this life, and that's as far as it's meant to be. Remember this can be dangerous if how you proceed is in a direction that can cause that danger. I don't recommend keeping this secret. Now, stating your soulmates to your boyfriend or his wife can be dangerous, but keeping a friendship secret is as if there is something going on here that implies wrongdoing. As I've said, as long as this remains platonic, I don't feel this friendship is wrong, therefore it shouldn't remain a secret.I hope this helps, take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Rather then put your energy into that man invest it in your husband. You know very well what your trying to rationalize as innocent is complete cheating. Yes it is wrong! Straighten up your act!
...............................
|
