| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate my body, I'm 22 and I'm done growing. I don't look like the typical woman men in my country like, which is busty (even if fake) slim waist, big round butt (no cellulite though) and kind of medium sized thighs. I'm almost all that except I have cellulite all over my thighs/butt and I have the smallest boobs! Men here love women with a Kim Kardashian build, but I'm so not like that. I'm scared of getting implants, and I know looks aren't everything, but I live in a very male centered society and thus you see lot more objectification of women daily (even in the news! A lot of T n' A during summer and beach season, for instance). I notice even older, supposedly more mature men, talking to each other discussing women's bodies like high school boys. I notice many of these men are married to average looking, overweight women, and it scares me 'cause God knows what they think of their wives! It seems to me men are never fully satisfied with a normal woman, and I know I'm not ideal looking... sadly many girls my age are busty, slim, big butts, etc. I LOATHE my body... how can I stop feeling this way and simply not care about me?... it's killing me! I don't want a man to like me for me only, I want him to like my personality of course but I also want him to lust for my body, and not to just like it "despite" small breasts for instance, but BECAUSE of my small breasts. It's so unfair, men can simply go to the gym if they feel self conscious and get some muscle tone, but I can't grow boobs or change my face.I hate myself, men just seem to like porn women so much... I'll never look like that. But whoever I'm wish will always lust after that much more. It's a no win :(So yeah, sorry for ranting, question is: how can I stop hating my body? How can I ignore the media and men's opinion?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Can i just say how sorry and upset i am reading how you feel. I am a 44 year old woman who feels exactley the same way as you. I have been with my partner for 19 years with two daughters and I love them all to bits and I know they love me. Fifteen years ago i had implants because i felt the same way as you and can I just say I still feel the same. My partner is a boob man even though now after years of theropy for myself in regaurds to this problem with myself he say,s that it does,nt matter. The damage is already done because after all this time together and two girls together i still get depressed, and not only that my eldest daughter who is 15 is also herself feeling the presuer and has started to where a padded bra. This world is a shallow one and men should have to learn that there is more to us women than a pair of tit,s. So nickers to the ones that cant accept you for who you are, there is some decent men out there it,s just finding them.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 I remember years ago watching a talk show where magazine, playboy and penthouse models were talking. They thought it was humorous that people actually believe they look like the end print result. On t.v. they showed their stretch marks and cellulite, and talked about camera magic and using photo shop type programs to make adjustments to the photos before they went to print.
There are so many guys out there that are waiting for someone like you. Someone who is real that doesn't have a body they spent thousands on to manipulate. I would much rather be with someone who is completely natural, with small boobs, than be with someone who's fake. Not just that you can tell they are not natural, but the attitude that comes with faking it as well.
You need to love yourself for who you are and what you have to offer. When you do, you'll find someone who will love you for all that you are as well. I'm sure I could name off many women who would trade you bodies if they had the chance. No matter how someone looks, they see something that someone else has that's different than theirs and they desire it for themselves. I can tell you, the way you described your body, to me is the perfect body.
Let the shallow men remain shallow, as long as you remain real and true to who you are, the guy you end up finding, who will not be able to get enough of you, will be real too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Hi there miss!
One reason why I left the states was because of this. I felt the exact same way, except obviously Im a guy. The media can kiss our asses lol... they put out images of celebrities and porn stars and popularize them so much that we get it in our heads to think we need to look like them in order to be attractive. Now, I wont lie, Ive succumbed to a surgery here on my stomach and that has both frustrated me with women and with my health despite what I do at the gym to take care of it.
What you need is a guy who really appreciates your personality. Often times, men raised by single moms can be more soft hearted with this issue and be more open minded when it comes to womens bodies. Ill be honest and say once upon a time I had a type of body I liked, but as Ive gotten older, I dont. Hang around people who make you feel confident about who you are as a person... then the rest will follow and youll feel better about yourself hopefully. There are tons and tons of men out there who are superficial, however, given your instincts it seems, you should be able to sniff them out and know right away if they are worth pursuing or not. This is a GOOD thing, cause a lot of women can get caught up with a mans words and get to thinking they actually are appreciated for their mind, when in actuality some men will deceive just to get laid. So, really stop looking in the mirror and judging your body as there are definitely men out there who are not as stringent. And for the record, I HATE Kim Kardashian and all those b**ches lol... because they have status and use it to gain popularity and show themselves off. This is absolutely one of the worst qualities to find in anyone. Id rather go for an average woman who has no profile whatsoever and is humble about life and who she is... its more sexy to me because its not advertised who she is, it makes me curious as to who she is underneath and more importantly, whats in her inner shell. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (5 January 2011):
 The thing is, I think you're not giving men enough credit. Part of what you wrote here is complaining about your body, but honestly most of what you wrote is complaining about men's opinion of women's bodies. I'm not saying that your complaints are invalid (they are valid, and they have made me angry too!), but let's pull apart the two different complaints, because they're not the same thing.
First of all, when I say that you're not giving men enough credit, what I mean is you're forgetting men are individuals. INDIVIDUALS, with different tastes, preferences, and priorities. I promise you, there are plenty of guys out there who will find your kind of woman attractive. Some guys PREFER petite breasts! (I've dated two of them.) They like that smaller breasts have their own advantages, like allowing you to go braless.
Also, while it's true that many men will objectify women while talking them over with their buddies, not ALL men will do that. There are some decent, caring men out there who just want to find a woman to love and trust. If you refuse to settle for less than a decent man, you will not have a problem.
I found it very powerful when you wrote the following: "I want him to like my personality of course but I also want him to lust for my body, and not to just like it 'despite' small breasts for instance, but BECAUSE of my small breasts." I think this needs to be your ANTHEM. This needs to be one of your dating requirements. Remember, to a man who dates you, dating you is a privilege, not a right. By dating a man you are sharing your life with him, and he should feel thankful for that. (Conversely, you should feel privileged to share in his life too, because you think he's a great guy also.) If you start dating a man and then find out that he doesn't really like your breasts or he engages in hurtful, comparing talk about women, don't feel bad about dumping him! You know what you value most in a man, and it sounds like this is #1, or at least in your top 3. You have every right to decide what's important to you in a mate, and there is absolutely no reason not to hold out for it. It may be hard to hold firm, especially if the guy in question has other nice traits and you really wish you could give him a chance... but clearly this is vitally important to you. So make your resolution and stick to it.
To address your complaints about your own body, I firmly believe in looking for the positive. Look, you already wrote when first describing your body that you have a slim waist and a nice round butt! Forget about the cellulite for now and just focus on this: You have a nice shape! You're a shapely woman! And I bet when you come down to it, there are other body parts of yours that you like too. Perhaps you have lovely hands or very pretty ears. I know that sounds weird, but there are features other than face, breasts, and butt to appreciate! Take the time to look for things about your appearance that you can love--WITHOUT the voices of hypothetical men in your ear!
Between these two things, 1) holding firm to your resolution to only date a worthy man who loves your body just as it is and doesn't talk shit about women's bodies, and 2) learning to love your body on your own, I think you can learn to ignore the media and men's opinion. Once you are happy in your own self, I think you will find others' opinions far less important.
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A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (5 January 2011):
 You should be glad of your neat, well-proportioned body. The truth is, large breasts are a bit of a pain. They get in your way and you have to stay in shape all your life or they'll be sagging down to your waist before you're forty. Join a gym and work out with weights as many times a week as you can get in there. Diet won't do it; only weight training can give you the results you want. Of course, you should also make sure you're getting proper nutrition to build muscle with. Drink lots more water than you are drinking now! Cellulite is toxins and they need to be flushed out. You want your body to be able to do things in the world, not just stand there and be looked at.
What I like about gyms is that there is nothing else to do there but work out so you're more likely to get it done. You'll be amazed at how fast you lose both the cellulite and the self-disparaging attitude. Personal power feels good; it feels much better than the approval of people who can only see body parts. Do not discuss your exercise regiment with anyone, except perhaps your family, IF they are kind to you and want to see you succeed. You waste energy (that you need for better things) explaining and justifying yourself so never bother with it.
A little reminder in case you haven't considered this:
It is NEVER a compliment when people make a big deal of your body and not your character. All they're really saying is that they'd like to use you to pleasure themselves, rather like those toys one finds in 'adult shops.' You are being dehumanized on the spot. Those aren't friends; they're enemies and a wise lady shuns them absolutely.
How to ignore mass media? Turn it off! Don't worry so much about what people think. Be assured that a (frighteningly) high number do NOT think. Look at it this way: if the masses were smart, there wouldn't have been a small minority controlling the majority almost everywhere throughout human history. What matters is what YOU think. Concentrate a little more on who you want to be, what you want to hold in your mind and your heart and develop that. Then your self-assurance and accomplishments shall certainly attract companions who share your values.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): There is nothing wrong with your body. 90% or so of women have some cellulite somewhere(There are some treatments that are safe for cellulite if you want to try them. As well as change in diet, but really it's not something to be overly concerned about). Many photographs in magazines are so airbrushed that you can see that this is not what real people look like.
Believe me you are beautiful. And there are men out there who will love and adore you the way you are, as a natural, non plastic woman. Not all men want women with large fake breasts. And those are the men you want because they will see your real beauty as it is. And they will see that you are secure with that. Don't get implants, your body is beautiful the way it is. You just have to accept that and believe and over time you will. Implants can seriously damage your health and your sexual response. The only reason to have anything like that done would be for reconstructive purposes or for other medical reasons.
You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful everyday, because you are! Don't allow the media or anyone else to tell you what is beautiful and what you should look like!
And don't just think about physical beauty, it's your spirit that makes the most beauty.
You don't want men who idolize plastic women or who are into porn. Those are superficial, insecure people and they're often addicted to something that is just a fantasy. The porn industry is a horrible, abusive industry, full of drug use and abuse. Please go and read about this online.
http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/index.html
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A
female
reader, cait88  +, writes (5 January 2011):
awe girl :(
I cant lie I felt this way for a while.
but I can promise this. there is someone out there who thinks your beautiful for you and only you. You just havent found them.
second. Go out and find people mingle etc. just be you.:)
third: your beautiful :) I promisee. everyone is
fouth: build your confidence. Me I did this by telling my self im hot. Wake around your house in cute outfits..do your hair your makeup etc :) hangout and do girl nights etc. any woman can be sexy just believe it
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (5 January 2011):
First off, I'm very sorry you feel that way. I've been around many women who I had grown close to who let their personal emotions about their bodies ruin great friendships and relationships; I urge you not to do the same. Everyone is self conscious. Absolutely everyone. In one way or another. I guarantee someone close to you constantly looks at you and says to themselves "Why the hell is she self conscious? She's perfect!"
The strive for perfection is a terrible journey to go down. This is coming from a kid who was very tall and skinny in middle school and spend everyday in the gym for years and years to get a more muscular, cut physique. People around me always told me how great I looked, but I never saw it. When I looked in the mirror I always saw the lanky string bean looking back at me and wished I could make my back more defined, my shoulders bigger, my chest broader. It was never enough. And it never will be enough. There will always be something left to look at, something left to criticize.
I know the appeal of it all. As great as it is to have someone who loves you for your personality, you want to turn them on. You want them to crave you physically. And let me tell you that's a false sense of attention. That's the kind of attention that will make you feel good in short spurts, but will never be able to sustain you; you'll always feel empty from it. The beautiful thing about relationships is being able to see into someone; see the person that no one else can see. Anyone walking down the street can look at a girl and whistle, only enjoying her for her physical appeal. But only the person closest to you can love what's inside of you and cherish it, knowing that they are the only ones who are allowed to see it.
I will tell you, you aren't alone. The media today is absolutely ridiculous with the influence they have over young men and women who are already struggling with esteem issues. But you know what? Its not going to stop. As long as ratings go up, they'll keep broadcasting. That's how capitalism works.
I hope that you find some solace in knowing that not all men are as you describe. I, for instance, having known so many of my close female friends and girlfriends suffer from eating disorders am sickened by the idealistic images that we're surrounded with. I know what harm they do and every time I hear other guys going nuts over a woman's figure rather than who she is, I want to punch them as hard as I can. It'd be advisable to stay away from these guys as they are nothing more than immature preteens stuck in middle age, balding bodies. Chances are, they hate their own bodies/selves as much as you do but convert that hate into humiliation by judging women on their bodies.
There is no hard advice or cure I can give you. Self-esteem has the word "self" in it for a reason; only you can overcome it. But I hope you know that you are far from alone and that there are those out there who truly care and are willing to look for the most beautiful of souls no matter what body it lies within. The best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): I don't know about your country, but give us men SOME credit.
Our standards are not as high as those you impose on yourselves.
Men will go out, date and sleep with pretty much any type of women. It's our nature. Sure we have our preferences, but we aren't dumb enough to let that hold us back.
Confidence is more your issue. Quit telling men what they want. Just style yourself up, cater to our egos and we're putty in your hands.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, pinkpoodle5 +, writes (5 January 2011):
 More than likely you suffer from;Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) – Fear of Imagined UglinessBODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER SELF TESTDo you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)? YES NO 1. Are there any parts of your body that you feel are unattractive or ugly? 2. Do you find yourself thinking excessively about your unattractiveness? 3. Do you compare the unattractiveness of your body part with the same body part or parts of others? 4. Do you regularly check your unattractiveness in the mirror in the hope that it may look better? 5. Do you ask others about your unattractiveness? 6. Do you use makeup to minimise displaying to others the part of your body that you feel is unattractive? 7. Do you camouflage any parts of your body that you feel are unattractive? 8. Is your life compromised by concerns with your appearance? If you answered YES to most of the above questions, you may have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
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