A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a really traumatic first time, experience years ago. I was making out with someone and I was happy just with that. Then he forced himself on me and had unprotective sex with me. It was very painful. I couldn't stop crying, but he kept going anyway. When he finally stopped, he didn't talk to me or anything. He didn't say a word. I quickly put on my clothes and left. I went to the doctor later terrified that I might have an std. Luckily I didn't. He said that my case wouldn't make to court because we were making out to start out with. I never told anyone about it. I blamed myself for years. It scared me coz I still have problems with sex today
View related questions:
std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 The doctor is a fucking moron. It would go to court, and if there was evidence of trauma, the doctor should have documented it. You may not have won, if you had cleaned yourself, or waited weeks, etc. However, if you did all the right things, procedurally, you would have easily won. This guy is a fucking bullshit asshole.You did nothing wrong except not be psychic. You were 15 and you were an innocent girl messing around with what you thought was a fun guy. You are not at fault, he is.Remember that. It's not your fault.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Totally agree with others, what the doctor told you was a load of rubbish! Just because you were making out doesn't mean you can't report him for rapping you! What silly talk. If you didn't want to have sex with him and he forced himself on you, it was RAPE. Making out is harmless.
Perhaps you should seek counseling, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, it can still effect you a lot. And it's never too late to report what happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff +, writes (24 December 2010):
I had an alcohol problem for about 5 years. I was a teenager, but never got so wasted I didn't remember what I did. I was raped by 15 different men over the course of 5 years. Some of them wore condoms, some of them didn't. Some of them I was able to stop after a couple of minutes and leave and some of them wouldn't get off of me. It took me a very long time to get over my actions and the way that I mistreated myself. None of those men ever got into trouble for what they did to me. Keep in mind that I never instigated. I pretty much never took my clothes off for anyone and I always said no. Sometimes it started from kissing and sometimes they just attacked me.
Do yourself a favor and think about the other women out there who do not get chances to change their way of thinking and start over. Some women are raped and killed. I feel blessed every single day that I came out of my addiction and am a better person for it.
You'll be fine. Just keep in mind that you will always hate how you feel when you think about it, no matter what the circumstance. If you ever have children, you will be more protective too.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 December 2010):
 NEVER EVER listen to a doctor when he's giving legal advice. Yes you were making out, but there is a huge difference between that and sex. Realize this guy was a dick, and hopefully he messed up and someone chopped his off. Well, one can only hope.
You need to start reprogramming your subconscious, and seek some counseling. In reprogramming, every time you have a bad though that's associated with your rape, immediately think of something you can enjoy having sex. What happened with negative experience is that our "smart" minds don't properly associate what we experienced. SO sex = pain because it is done with a guy, who would also be the sex of the man who raped you, therefore intimacy with a man = somewhere you don't want to go.
I know people how have had traumatic first times, and your story is similar to just about every one I know who has. You could also write a letter from your older self to your younger self to relieve your younger self from all responsibility. If your younger self was sitting in front of you, scared and hurt, and blaming herself, what would you tell her now? This is because trauma is age specific. The difficulty now, although you consciously know sex is okay, your subconscious is rationalizing and replaying it as if it were still happening at the age that it did. I have heard these letters have done wonders in people who have had traumatic experience.
Also, instead of just having sex casually, it helps you break through barriers if you are in a relationship, have love and trust, so whoever you are with can take their time, be patient and bring you to a higher level of enjoyment gradually, instead of expecting it to happen all at once.
I hope this helps, take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, justjess  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 What your doctor told you was BS, the fact you were making out first was irrelevant! the fact that he had sex with you without your consent means that he raped you and that is illegal, regardless of what happened before hand. If rape in marriage is now recognised then it proves that it doesn't matter on the circumstances. Rape is Rape!
I am so sorry that you've had to go through this and I have no idea how hard this is for you, but I would look at getting counselling which will hopefully help you
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 December 2010):
 It sounds like you need some help dealing with this, there are a number of telephone counselling services who may be able to help, and I would start there, each state's Health department will also have a counselling service, eg SARC in WA, but you will not be able to contact them until after the Christmas break.
In the meantime you could try lifeline or the salvo care line who will be able to refer you further.
Dont leave this festering, you need to deal with it so that you can move on with your life.
Good luck!
...............................
|
