A
female
age
30-35,
*ailorsoldier
writes:I'm still in highschool. I was with this guy for like a year now. We had sex and we used a condom. But the condom broke. And now I'm pregnant. My boyfriend broke up with me after he found out. Now he's with this girl that was supposed to be my best friend. None of my other friends will talk to me. My parents found out. Me and my mom just had a yelling match. She told me that I either have to have an abortion, or leave her house. And I don't want an abortion. I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of killing a little unborn baby. So my mom says I have to be out of the house by New Years. None of my family is talking to me either. The only one that really seams to understand is my older brother. He's in college, and he said I could move in with him and his girlfriend, but I don't want to be a burden. I don't know what i'm going to do or where I'm going to go.I don't have any money, and I'm freaking out. I'm scared, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
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abortion, best friend, broke up, condom, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sookie +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Hey sweetie, all these things being said are very true, but my old boss told me once that you will never be ready for a child and its very true. He was in his early 40's with a well established business and home life, and he still was not "ready." You just make the decison that is best for you. Just do your best to keep emotions under control. We make rash decisons under emotions, so what ever you choose to do just make sure you do it with a clear mind!!Sookie
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Look into open adoption and good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 December 2010):
 I was adopted. My birth mom was 15 when she gave birth to me, and although she began looking at reconnecting when I was 15, at 33 I found her and we have had a wonderful adult relationship.
It sounds like you know what you're doing, and it's nice that you have a brother who is doing this with you. Your dad seems like a good guy too, and I fully understand where your mom needs to cool down. When my son's mom became pregnant, my mom locked herself in her bed room and wouldn't talk to anyone for over 2 weeks.
Glad to hear that you've made this decision. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Nikki_wants_to_be_a_mommy +, writes (27 December 2010):
I just wanted to let you ladies know that there are millions of women and men out there dying to be mommies and daddies. My husband and I have been married 5 years and we are young (23) and we can't have children. It's very sad when we hear friends are getting abortions because we can't imagine the joy we would have in being parents. I hope you know that if you put your babies up for adoption, not only are you giving them a better life, but you are also making one or two people (as well as their whole families) the happiest people on Earth. If we were blessed with a child that a very mature and responsible women could not care for, we would be overjoyed. I am very proud of all of you girls for telling your parents and making the choice to give this child a chance. You are very brave. Thank you.
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female
reader, sailorsoldier +, writes (26 December 2010):
sailorsoldier is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for all of your advice.
My dad came to talk to me this morning. He said that even though he’s disappointed he is behind me all the way. My mom on the other hand won’t even sit in the same room as me. Dad says she just needs time to cool down, and that it’s best for me to go live with my brother.
My brothers been a real help throughout this so far. Hes coming over tomorrow morning to get me and my things. Living with him I’ll also be going to a different school. Sorta like starting over. He also said he started looking into counseling groups for me with teen moms and some other people. He even said that he would go and talk to the father’s father.
I think i’m going to give my baby up for adoption. But not just leave him/her on a street corner or something. I’m going to find a couple, a good couple, that wants a child, but can’t have their own. I’ve already looked at a local website just for this. I just hope i’m doing the right thing.
I’ll try to keep you guys posted.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2010):
I think you only have 1 option and that is to move in with your brother. However I strongly urge you to look into adoption. You can't expect your brother & GF to take care of BOTH you and a small baby, babies are expensive. Maybe an open adoption where you can still be a part of the baby's life to some extend.
And at 15 you have no income and no education. YOU can not provide for this baby. I understand that you can't do the abortion, that is a personal choice, but NOW you have to make a choice for your unborn child. Even IF you get child support from your loser ex (which wouldn't amount to much due to his age and most like the fact that he has no income)You will not be able to support the baby.
Have you really thought this through?
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Hello. My first thought on reading your post was that you would be better off having an abortion. But as i read on, i realised you cant. Im not sure how many weeks pregnant you are but it sounds as if you are already bonding with your unborn child. If that is the case then an abortion wont be an option.
Your family will be in shock at the moment and anything they say to you, hard though it is, you will have to accept short term and try to disregard.
If your brother has offered you a home, accept his help but leave the door open to your family. As time goes on and they realise you wont be pushed into making decisions based on their opinions, they will come around.
As for your ex boyfriend. It took both of you to create this child. If hes not interested in being involved with the pregnancy, you cant force him to. But you can request some financial help while pregnant and beyond. Speak to him and explain your situation and ask that he gives what ever financial support he can. If he refuses, you will need to make a formal claim for child support. Also, remember his parents. As your childs grandparents, they will probably be concerned by your plight and might offer some assistance. So you could try talking to them.
Your so called friends are behaving unfairly. Being pregnant is something natural that can happen to anyone. You dont know how many of them have secretly had abortions to fit in with the norm and make their own lives esier. I know someone who had two abortions and was a scathing critic of any other girl her age who went full term with a pregnancy. And plenty of them did! So try not to take to heart their reactions. As time goes on you may well find one or two thaw and become friends with you again.
In the mean time, try and stay with your brother, keep up your education as im sure thats the main reason your parents are upset. Get finacial help from your ex, try and involve his parents and take some comfort in the fact that you are doing what you want to do. At the end of the day, education doesnt stop when you are 20 or whatever. You have plenty of years to continue that. And your child will be born to a mother who wants it dearly and loves it.
Its not the end of the world its a new beginning. I admire that you are standing up for yourself and your unborn child against so much opposition. I think once your baby is born, you will find much unconditional love and peoples current opinions will be of no significance. Just try not to neglect you education and everything will work out ok. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): if you are still in high school you must be nearing the end of your studies, based on your stated age. And I do think this a lot of unexpected responsibility.
No wonder you scared. And your Mom is certainly being very tough on you. Having a baby before you even go to college or start establishing your career is going to really disrupt your life at this stage in your life. Your Mom cares about you and probably knows the statistics of how things work out for far too young Mom's under pressure. I would not have liked to have done it without the full support I received via willing resident husband each time. And your Mom knows a termination is over in a couple of hours. But as you can't face that, and that is your choice, then your choice to keep baby must be respected. I do hope you are already seeing the Doctor for good antenatal care? And taking extra calcium tablets, since baby will draw on you for sustenance and calcium tablets help. Also consider folic acid tablets - the Dr can explain how folic acid helps prevent birth defects. Very often our diets do not provide enough folic acid for a pregnant Mom.
Be very kind to yourself. If you know you'll be tired late in the pregnancy that is nothing to the first few weeks after baby is born, which is a seriously exhausting time. I felt like a clock winding down. Never been so tired in all my life.
Maybe speak to a school counsellor about how you will support you and baby after the birth, and what you can do about affordable baby care if you want to return to your studies.
If your Mom withdraws her support. And borrow equipment or visit some second hand shops for some of the baby equipment you will need.
It is going to be a very tough year for you. My best wishes to you.
cope with the pressures
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 December 2010):
You are going to move in with your brother and his girlfriend. If you were a burden, his offer would not have been made. I am saying this because you won't abort, and I can give you many reasons not to as well. If you were to decide you're not ready, adoption is a better way. NO ONE can make you give up or abort your pregnancy. Your brother and his girlfriend may know what you should do and what direction you can go into next. Right now, for the first step, accept their offer. Then you will have room to breath and work on the next step.
Although I believe in adoption, I'm not approaching this from a pro-life stance. I am approaching your situation from a pro- I don't want you to live with psychological trauma that I to often run into when women have chosen abortion. I've seen lives, personalities and sense of being destroyed over abortion.
After moving in with him, you need to get set up on medicaid for your pregnancy. Go to family services and get that paperwork. With medicaid, you won't have to pay for your doctors appointments. As a tax payer, I will pay my takes to make sure that your baby is okay, so you will not be a burden their either. These programs are set up to make sure your baby is born healthy. Get that done asap. They also have access to others who will help you set goals and have a post high school direction. You will make it. There will be obstacles, but I believe you can do it.
My son was born when his mom was still in high school. My mom was very angry at becoming a grandmother, but turned out to be wonderful. My son's mom finished high school, and although it took longer with her having to work and go to school, she completed a college decree. It takes work and dedication, but when you put your child and your future as your main focus, there is nothing that you cannot accomplish. I believe that because I have seen it.
Your mom is trying to deal with the shock of the news, just as you're dealing with this change. She may come around, just give her some time to absorb what is going on.
I want you to know, and I believe with all of my heart, that there is no child that is born that is not meant to be here. Today may be hard, but it does get easier. You will find just how blessed you are to have this child and there really is noting greater than what you will received and bring to each others life.
I hope this helps. If you want to chat further, leave an update or send an email. You can vent, ask questions, share successes, etc. There may be other girls who read your question who have been through the same thing. Make friends on here with other who have, and make friends where you live with other girls who are going through the same. Look for support groups so you can meet others and share information. Don't feel you need to go through all of this alone. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): HI, I would still feel that its best to get an abortion, first of all you did not plan it, second that the so called father of the child has nothing to do with it, then why do you wish to bring a baby in this world when you are a child yourself and will not be able to take care of it? Plus i agree there is a small guilt but in your current position it's best not to have a child then have it sent for adoption, that will make you feel more guilty and you child will never forgive you.
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female
reader, Sookie +, writes (26 December 2010):
Stay calm its very important right now and stay strong are your parents believer's in God? One of my friends went thru almost the same thing her dad wanted her to have an abortion when he found out and what he failed to realize is that the baby was his grandson it took a lot of heart ache between the two but she just had her baby in the begging of this month and he loves that baby so much emotions are running very high right now because its new and its unknown the best advice is to show them that you love this baby just as much as they love you and one day they will love this baby to and it would be a shame for a child to not have grandparents in its life because they don't agree with it that child is a gift from God and if you were not strong enough or ready he would not have Chosen you to be its mother!!! Please keep In touch
Sookie
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female
reader, Amantha +, writes (26 December 2010):
 I can feel how hard this is on you and you are doing the right thing by Not getting an abortion. I'm so sorry your mom doesn't understand but in time she might come to learn that everything is okay. For right now you are going to have to move in with your brother but try and get a job maybe get some money and you could move out. If your so call friends are not talking to you after what happen then you really don't need them. Friends shouldn't leave you when you need them most. I'm sorry you ex treated you like that but you don't need someone who isn't responsible for what they did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I am sorry, but would it be easier to handle the guilt or to survive single and young, raising a baby to adulthood? Are you employed? Would you have childcare while you made a necessary living? How long would you be able to stay with your older brother? Not you and your child's whole lives, certainly. And then after raising the baby? When will you have time for you again? Is finding love still of importance to you? How many men would choose a single mother over a free bachelorette?
You don't sound ready for motherhood, not emotionally and certainly not socially. Make the responsible decision here. Think about the Future. Think about the lives you will be affecting with the choices you make now. Think about how you would ideally want to raise a child, every single detail (how would you dress it, what activities would you sign it up for, would it have siblings, what sort of dad? what sort of house and neighborhood and style of schooling? raise it with religion? with loving grandparents to visit on the weekends? what sort of holiday rituals? birthdays? would you measure its height on the wall year- by- year? would you want to be moving from place to place, give it a taste for travel? would it ever travel? family vacations? what about safety? would you let it have a cell phone? what choices would you let it make for itself?), and once you thought of that, think about how You would have liked to have been brought up, and after all that thinking, how does All That compare to how you expect This child in your belly will be inevitability raised. Consider how much will be out of your control, considering your dependent, single, and financially less- secure state.
I'm sorry to be tough; I'm looking out for you here!
~anon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): well first of all your boyfriend and best friends are totally out of order, and i cant believe non of your friends will speak to you, this happened to a friend of mine, she was pregnant her parents also kicked her out, anyhow she went to a home that was for young mothers or expectant mothers until she got herself sorted, she carried on with the pregnancy and when she had her baby, her parents took her back, they dont support her very much but they love their grandchild, and your parents love you they're just trying to do whats best, i think you should stay with your brother, you dont have to live with him forever but just until you get yourself sorted, otherwise your gunna have nowhere to go,your going to have alot of stress and that isnt healthy for you or your baby, im sorry if this didnt help much, but theres always light at the end of the tunnel, i wish you all my luck x
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