A
female
age
41-50,
*aretta
writes:I'm 28 and live with my 30 year old husband and 3 kids. I'm in a weelchair so we live in a bungalow , however latly I'm not sure if my hubbys been so honest or faithful to me.It started about 1 month ago, my husband was coming home later and later each night. If I asked him why he'd say that his boss was making him work later and I belived him for awhile; but latley he's been staying out later and his alibe is nowhere near as believable as it was a month ago. Why would his boss keep making him work so late? And why? My husband is quite high up in his work so why would he be made to work late? Then it happened, I was in our kitchen preparing dinner as my sister and her new husband were coming round with their son, my nephew. Then I saw my husbands mobile, I decided to check it, you know just in case someone had texted him and he needed to know. But when I went on his number list I saw a number I'd never seen before and a name I'd never heard him mention! After my sister had left I asked him about this woman, asking him if how well he knew his new friend. He said I was over-reacting and that this woman was just a friend from work. I belived him but not for long.About 3 days later I checked his texts and there were about 19 from his friend from work. However I decided to read them just in case. And these messages certainly weren't from a work friend! More like girlfriend! I was ferious but didn't confront him as it would of upset the kids, especially my 3 year old daughter. I still haven't said anything to him but I'm repulsed this girl sounds about 18! He's 12 years older than her! But more importantly what about me? What should I do? I don't know if I can confront him. Please can you help me?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Its highly unlikely your husband will get custody of your children since you can prove his unfaithfullness and unless he can prove that you are an unfit mother the worst thing, you'll have joint custody.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I agree, you don't need to be with someone who is not honest with you. I'm not someone who cheats because it's not who I am, but also because I don't believe if you love someone that you do something that may potentially harm them. Whether or not you get caught is irrelevant to that belief. When I'm with someone I live my life as if they are my spectator in everything I do. Being a single parent, I do the same as if my children are watching.
The thing about court is they know when someone is attacking you without cause. It's important that you get an attorney, and a notebook. Document any threats etc that he may say, list date, time, location, and circumstance. I know you see him as being evil, just remember the more you let your anger get the best of you, the more he'll have to use in court.
This isn't going to be an easy time for you. Keep your head held high, and remember this is not your fault. You're not responsible for his actions, and at the same time you don't have to put up with this treatment. I wish you and your children the best. Take care.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You're in a real dilema and it sounds like he's a real idiot. Good luck to you. I'd divorce him
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A
female
reader, Karetta +, writes (6 January 2011):
Karetta is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks sooooooooo much for your help! But the only problum with the devorce is that he'll demand custody of our kids and will probubly make up horrible lies about me! But I agree and I now want to get a divorce! I'll talk to the girl and make sure that that evil smother f***er is out of my life and the kids! Thanks for the advice!
Godbless both of you, you Both deserve to meet a loving person! Not someone who cheats on you with younger women!
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 January 2011):
Do you want to reconcile with your husband? Attempt to make things work? Were the text messages sexual?
Make arrangements to where the kids aren't around, let them go to a friends house or your parents' house so they aren't around when you confront your husband. Make sure that he doesn't have anywhere to go, so he can't bail out mid conversation because you want him to speak with you.
When confronting him if you know things are fact you can ask him about those, "Do you ever talk to her more than a friend?" as you know he already does so that is a lie you can catch him in and call him on. Ask if he would like to continue your relationship and work things out or if he wants to leave ( I know this is very difficult).
If you just want to divorce him and be done with it and don't want to try to make things work, then I would talk to an attorney before confronting your husband just so you know what your options are.
This is a wonderful website to check out if you would like to:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2169202_correctly-confront-cheating-spouse.html
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out the way you would like it to.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (6 January 2011):
Sorry to hear about your situation. Apart from this cheating how would you have described your relationship and how happy he is? This infidelity is going to take some serious work to get through (if that's what both of you want) and you need to figure out what he was missing in the relationship to do this, and whether or not this lack can be resolved in the relationship or will it go on. I suppose it is easy for people who don't know you to say dump him, but things aren't that easy are they? I think if your husband fesses up to this and is honest, open and can communicate what his problem is then you should both try and work to fix this marriage. But if he keeps up the lying and you don't sense he wants to improve his marriage and put this behind him then definitely consider ending the relationship because you deserve much better.
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