A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i need some advice. at the beginning of the year i fell in love with a guy at work, the feeling was mutual and we started seeing each other. the problem was that he has a fiance and two children. what stopped him leaving was his children so he broke everything off with me because he decided he needed to make a go of it with her. it broke my heart but i could sense it would happen somewhere along the line.after 6 months he tells me all of the time that he is moving on with things and everything is in the past which i completly agree with but then he brings everything up so its harder for me to move on with things.i recently went on holiday and cleared my head of everything and i came back to work and was over everything. when i came back, he called me and he could tell that i was alot happier and he said that he noticed i had moved on. he then went on to tell me that it has turned round and he is now struggling to forget things. and that for the whole two weeks he had thought about me alot. one minute he is saying he is happy at home and then the next he is saying he is struggling to get on. my head is all over the place again and i am finding it so hard to clear it again. if i could move jobs it would be so much easier but i cant.i spoke to him earlier today and i told him that i hate him for everything he has done. he seems to be telling me that everything at home is hunky dory, and all he wants is for me to be happy, yet he brings all of the past up to make it so hard for me?i am so confused! i have tried not to talk to him but working with him makes that so difficult. its like he has some kind of hold over me that i cant seem to break for a long enough period. he goes on holiday for two weeks next week so i think that will help me. i just dont want the same to happen when he gets back! help :(
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female
reader, xXxLisaxXx +, writes (22 July 2009):
No Problem hun I understand completely! Being the other woman is so difficult and no-one understands as you are seen as 'the home wrecker'. If you need any more help or just want to talk get in touch hun.
Glad I could help =) xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): this man is manipulating you. you may not want to hear this but your mum and friend are right. this guy is no good and has used you. this man is a lying cheating manipulator, just like a con artist. don't be pulled into his web again. he is use, abuse and mess up your life. think clearly and be strong. limit contact with him. realise this, you may have fallen in love with him, but he did not. he used you, broke your heart and will continue of you allow him. it is so laughable that he used his kids as an excuse to stay. he stayed with his partner because he wanted to. he choice her over you. the kids story was merely a "nice easy story".rcn has given you good advice. please be wise with your life. you deserve the happiness you crave, but it will not be with him. cut the cord that binds you to him.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 During these two weeks, I want you to bring what has happened into prospective. What's hard, it what we want v. what we can have. (1) He wants you to be happy. (2) Everything is great at home. (3) He wants to make a go with his family. On the other hand, (1) It's hard for him to get over things, (2)Constant reminders of the past.
He's manipulating you. For example, "I'm trying to make it work with my fiance, oh but when I'm in bed with her, I think about you." What does that say? This tells me, "I don't want it to end with my fiance, but I want just enough grip on you (emotional) that when I want extra I can get in your pants." Some who have affairs, have no plan on ending it, and will tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want. Then you start falling for what's not going to happen anyway. And become heart broke.
While he's gone. Think about this and the "game" that's behind this. Then make a firm decision for yourself that you are better than to be played with this way. You will not allow this game to continue, and that no one can have a hold on you that you don't desire. So, break yourself of thinking that you desire those couple of weeks. Good experience, but leave it as an experience, and find someone who's not going to break your heart. You deserve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Lisa =) That has helped, its so difficult talking to my mum or my best friend because they have an opinion of him and they just say the same thing. They hate him for hurting me like he did so what they say is the same over and over. i need to be strong enough to not let him get to me but its just so hard =( some of the things he says just makes me want to be with him still and it just sets me back to the start. thank you again =) x
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A
female
reader, xXxLisaxXx +, writes (21 July 2009):
ok hun this is difficult. I haven been in the same situation although it didn't happen through work with me it was through a sports club we were both at. People who haven't been in this situation struggle to understand how hard it is to let go. To me this man likes you very much if not more but his children are his life and he can't abandon them which is understandable. However it seems that he can't let go of you either. I think what you need to do is have it out with him again, tell him how unfair he is being to drag the past up when all you want to do is move on. With me I had to move away entirely from the man and switch sports clubs. In your workplace there will be too many feelings up in the air and it will never go away, I would strongly advise trying to find somewhere else to work. If that is not possible have it out with him that is in both your interests to move on from this and use his holiday as time away from him. When he returns make sure nothing he can say can bother you.
I know that to do that is hard believe me, it can break people because letting go is extremely difficult but you have to do it otherwise you will frive yourself mad and time is a great-healer. Find someone who will treat you like a princess, how every girl should be treated.
Good luck hun xxxxxxxxxxx
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