A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so desperately lonely that I just can't bear it anymore, and my heart is broken because I feel like my life is passing me by. I am in tears as I write this. I wish and wish I had someone to call or tlak to, but I feel like everyone has forsaken me. I'm scared that the reason I can't seem to form lasting friendships is because I have something incurably wrong with me on the inside. I believe in the Jimi Hendrix song, "The Burning of the Midnight Lamp," where he says, "Loneliness is such a drag." People need to share their lives with others. People weren't meant to be alone like this.I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to begin or organize the thoughts in my mind. I wouldn't even commit suicide but right now I wish I were dead, and I am scared to death that there is something profoundly and irreversibly wrong with me. I know that I'm feeling sorry for myself but I'm at the point where I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't talk to someone. I've never felt so lonely in my entire life. I feel like I'm all alone in the world, like all my friends have turned their backs on me. I had this problem my first few years of college. Then I studied abroad in Mexico, and I thought my life had changed for the better. I made loads of friends in college down there, but after graduation I feel like my friends abandoned me. I was the one who always initiated the contact, and eventually they stopped writing back to me. There is something wrong with me. It seems like friends enter and exit my life like blips on a radar screen, but nothing ever seems to last. My only sibling is a brother who hasn't spoken to me for years. My parents are divorced and I don't think my mother and father love me or wanted me in the first place. I'm beginning to wonder if the reason is that there is something innately wrong with me. Some people are born crippled, or without limbs, for example... maybe I was born with something missing or twisted on the inside. Sometimes I feel like I was born without a soul. Sometimes I think that's the reason that I don't "click" with other human beings. I just can't seem to form relationships, or connect with people. There are different intelligences, and some people are handicapped in certain areas. For example, some people have trouble reading a map, some people have trouble identifying musical pitches. I don't seem to have any "interpersonal" intelligence. I wish with all my heart that I could have a boyfriend, or even friends, but here I am, at an age where most people are married and have their kids, and I don't even have anyone to call.The last straw was today... there's a movie on right now that I've been looking forward to seeing for a long time, and I want VERY badly to go. Now, I'm sad because it looks like I'm going to miss out on it because I don't have anyone to go with me. I hate to go to the movies alone because it represents my failure, and it makes me feel isolated. When I realized that I didn't have anyone to go to the movies with me, I apruptly burst into floods of tears. Deep down, what I'm really upset about is that I feel like I've failed and I'm terrified that my dreams are going to die, and that my life is passing me by. What's more I'm scared of what the future holds. I am scared to death that my dreams are dying. I had dreams that meant so very much to me, but they seem delusional now. I am so afraid that my dreams are going to pass me by. I dreamed of being a real musician, and dreamed of falling in love, getting married and having a family... but when I think about the reality of my life now, the contrast just overwhelms me.Everyone acts like they're impressed with my guitar playing. I would like to play the guitar in a band, to be a professional musician rather than just do it as a hobby... but I'm so scared that I'll be too old soon. I used to imagine that people would come from all over just to hear me play. However, right now I would be willing to give up everything I have just for one person to hear me play the guitar. I never give up, but I realize that anyone in their right mind would have done just that long ago... I must be crazy.I wanted to get married and have children, and I'm scared because I realize I'm running out of time. I've never been in love with anyone who reciprocated my feelings. I can't seem to form lasting friendships. I would give anything just to have someone go with me to see the new Harry Potter movie... what are the odds that, within the next few years, I'm gonna meet some guy who will love me with his whole heart, and be true to me? It would take a miracle.Sometimes I feel like I'm a ghost that some people can't see. I feel like I'm invisible.I feel like even God has lost track of my soul and doesn't hear my prayers. Literally. I'm not a Christian, and even though I feel like there's something "out there," I feel like God doesn't want a relationship with me. I could be wrong about this, but I had a terrible experience in church and I've decided I don't want to be a Christian or have a relationship with God because I felt unwanted in church and I don't want to be a part of a place where I'm unwanted.I was bitterly disappointed because I had thought about becoming a Christian, and a Catholic, and I thought I had found solace and acceptance I had been searching for in this particular church. I hope I don't offend anyone and I am sorry if I have, but I met some people there who said some things that made me believe that the Catholic church doesn't want people like me. I know that not everyone there has "ridiculous" views, but I have met people there who told me that the Catholic church doesn't welcome converts. I don't know whether or not this is true, but sometimes I feel like I'm not wanted there. I had a bad experience with a member of the clergy who made me feel unwanted there. I'm sorry if I've offended someone, because I don't mean to. I just wanted so much to be accepted in the Catholic church, but if I am not wanted there, I'm not going to beg for acceptance. I just feel like they don't want me, and I can't change another person. I was raised Baptist, grew up singing songs in church, but I was around some very bad role models and don't want to go back to being a regular Protestant again. Nothing wrong with that, just too many bad memories.I'm just so sad because I thought that I had found the solace and acceptance I'd been searching for in the Catholic church, and now I am under the impression that they don't want me. This experience broke my spirit before religion and I don't want anything to do with a relationship with God now. Still, there's this void in my life because I've been looking for answers all my life, thought I'd found them, and now I'm more confused than ever.This sounds like I'm digressing, but ever since that bad experience, I've felt lonelier than ever. Even God doesn't want me. What's wrong with me that I'm invisible, that I can't connect with anyone? I feel so desperately lonely and I'm scared that I'm destined to be lonely forever, that my dreams will pass me by. I would never commit suicide, like I said, but I would sacrifice ten years off my life just for someone to call me or listen to me play the guitar.If you have read this, or can help me, then thank you. Loneliness IS a drag; I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I feel.
View related questions:
christian, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (19 July 2009):
I can understand your feelings of loneliness. You are not alone. I often have found myself there and it's a horrible place to be. But don't give up. You can't dwell on the past, only enjoy the present. One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned I discovered recently. You can look to someone or something else to make you happy. But in the end, only YOU can make yourself happy. You have to be happy with yourself, have pride in yourself, be comfortable with who you are before you can truly expect someone else to feel the same about you. As the old saying goes, you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. If you want to go to the movies, hell go and enjoy yourself. I went to the movies alone last night and had a great time.You are a performance artist, a musician. So perform. Look around, maybe there's a club you could join or hang out or maybe you might hear about a local band that's looking for a guitarist. If not, go to the park, find a bench and just start playing. All performers have to start somewhere. You are still young. It's NOT too late to still get married and have a family. You just have to go out and meet people. Join a club, volunteer. There are great people in this world. But you'll never find them sitting alone at home. As holmar said, you sound like you are very depressed. Maybe seek some help for that. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Keep hope and know things will turn for you. You deserve to find happiness in life. We all do. good luck!
A
female
reader, holmar +, writes (19 July 2009):
I also agree with Denny. It seems like you have very serious depression also and perhaps some other things going on. Sometimes it takes talk & medication to get out of this. Can you go see a doctor? Preferrably go see your primary care doctor, tell him about how you "feel people are against you", that you "sometimes feel like a ghost" and that you "feel like your dreams are dying", in the context you feel them of course, but please, there is help out there. It sounds like you are VERY depressed and perhaps your viewpoints are a little dark. There are people out there that are in the same situation as you. If you get on a medication that will help, as well as talk to someone, you can get this under control. I really believe that. Good luck. Please take care and see a doctor also. Sometimes when your that depressed you need a little bit more than just counseling to help you up, you need both. This does NOT mean you will need meds for the rest of your life, it is simply something to help you "get out of the deep hole" you seem to be in. Sincerely, Holly
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 July 2009):
 By reading this a couple of things really stand out. (1) You wish (2) You're afraid (scared). I don't see this as lasting forever, but what I see is that instead of having quality relationships and friendships, you're just settling for what you can get. When doing so, you have to also accept that the friendship will be short term.
What I want you to do is two separate lists. Fist is what you're looking for in a friend. The second is what you're looking for in a boyfriend. What personality or behavior traits? etc. What your doing is mentally designing who you'd enjoy associating with long term.
If you'd like, when finished, respond on here with your answers. Maybe we can help direct you to places where you'd have a better chance of finding such people.
As the saying goes. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. This exercise may give you a different perspective, change your current approach, and produce the outcome you're seeking.
...............................
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (18 July 2009):
 I'm so sorry that you feel so down! All I can say is to bring your chin up and take these circumstances one at a time - trying to tackle having friends, love, your dreams, God, is impossible to handle at once. It's like if you wanted to clean your house: you have to handle one corner, one room at at time and then eventually you clean the entire house...baby steps.
I agree with a lot Denny said, especially you've gotten the ball rolling so to speak by saying you're in a rut. And that being lonely is temporary if you choose it to be.
You say you're a guitarist and would love to become a musician. Is there a band you could join? Even if you don't know the people, if they need a guitarist, it's a great way to meet new people.
I just came back from seeing Harry Potter and there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to the movies by yourself. Don't ruin the chance to see something you want to see just because you'd be going alone.
Getting out there and mingling with people, would eventually draw in the men. I was like you a few years back - didn't have any means of transportation, never did anything outside of work or school and so never really had that many friends. And so many family members and friends told me that I will never make more friends or find a man if I just sit around and do nothing. You need to be active in your life - if you sit around at home doing nothing, you're just going to feel sorry for yourself - that's a given. My brother is battling depression at the moment and he's starting a new job; it's not much, but the rest of my family and I are hoping that just going out and working will take his mind off his "woe is me" attitude.
And no way has God ever left you - remember that, He never leaves us. Don't make one bad experience in church ruin it for you. Life isn't perfect and of course there are some times in my life where I wonder where God is, why this is happening to my family and my brother, but I keep my faith strong. As you can tell, I'm a Christian, so I'll avoid getting all preachy. But I'll just leave with one last thing. It's my absolute favorite poem called "Footprints" and I often recite the ending when things are going rough in my own life. Hopefully it will help you:
"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could only see one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
'You promised me Lord,
that if I followed You, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life,
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?'
The Lord replied,
'My precious child. The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.'"
Best of luck to you :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): No, no, no! I would NEVER commit suicide. Let me clarify that! I think it's a sign of cowardice and weakness. When I say I feel like giving up, I mean that I just lose heart sometimes. I feel like I shouldn't expect so much.Sometimes I worry that I have something wrong with my brain, that prevents me from connecting with people, or that I don't have a soul... and sometimes I worry that I'll have to accept that.I've read the advice you guys wrote... and you don't know how much it means to me. Thank you all VERY much. It is so refreshing to hear this stuff.Stars: I am really sorry about your son's father. He sounds like a horrible person.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): It makes me sad to read this. I'm sorry for the way you're feeling, but please don't give up. You sound like a nice and intelligent woman and I'm certain that there is nothing wrong with you.
You have been through some unpleasant experiences, and maybe haven't met the right people. Those 'friends' were not true friends, you're probably better off without people that can't be bothered to keep in touch.
Perhaps, there are some life style changes that need to made? Could you try and get back in contact with friends (that actually made an effort) who you lost contact with?
Joining clubs and organisations, and/or even online dating is a good way to meet and get to know people. If you search within your local area, maybe there is a group of some sort for aspiring musicians? Or for any other activities you are interested in? Doing this is a great way to make friends, and from there possible relationships.
Don't let past experiences put you off, because everyone is different and they won't always be the same as the people you knew in the past. I'm not religious, but I'm sure if there were a God, he would love you just as equally as any other human being.
Don't let life pass you by. Go out there and face the world with a smile, be sure of yourself, and be more confident, even if it's just faking it until your confidence becomes real.
You deserve to be happy, so make those small changes in your life that can allow you to do so. I'll be wishing you lots of luck and a long and happy life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): hello im very sorry but all i can say is me too my friend i feel exactly the same way u but there is nothing wrong with you, people just dont truly respect you and i and let me tell u something if they dont like u then they dont no what they r missin so dont worry u r still young and u will find the perfect guy but im afraid i dont no if i can say the same for myself good luck im sure u will get through this whole thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Stars20 +, writes (18 July 2009):
 wow you have a long story that used to sound like mines. I used to fight against my loneliness only to submitt myself into situations i wished never happened. You are thinking too much on yourself. Look around you, do you think you are the only lonely person in this world? I don't think so. I am also very lonely, but you can't continue to fight against something that might not change for a while. Start by feeling happy with yourself first. Enjoy everything you have and can give. A good way to start getting yourself out there is looking for ways to sorround yourself with people. For example, log into college websites. There are many continuing education programs like music, dance, and other personal skills. Why won't you enroll? You'll see. In my case, I have a son, I used to cry because his father abandoned me, he humilliated me and dumped me for another person. I too felt like suicide was the best option but IT IS NOT. Many say that suicide is the second darkness to life's burdens. In fact the loneliness after a suicide is greater than life itself. My friend commited suicide and i pray for him all the time. There is nothing wrong with you. Life has its circumstances but let me tell you something NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. Loneliness will not be forever. Just wait for that change, don't think about it too much. Someone will appear the day you least expect it.
...............................
|
