A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend says that I have "twisted view" whatver that means. He and I been together for almost 2 years now and he took my virginity. According to him he wants to have sex with other people now because he is too used to me. He is 19 years old. He keeps saying is just sex it doesn't mean anything. But it bothers me that he feels that way. He has not acted on those feelings. He says I have twisted view because I don't want to be with anyone else and he says he loves me more then anything and he wouldn't mind spending 100 years with me. But he still wants to have more sexual parthners which I find to be ridiculous since he already had 5 before me. Also he keeps saying he is young and that's what young people do which I also think is ridiculous. I am satisfied only being with him forever if I have too. Bottom line he keeps telling I should date or expiriment so that my view on only being with one person changes. He doesn't feel like only being with one person is natural. He says he can do it but that doesn't mean he wants too. I don't know what's going on in his head. I need help.P.S. :I always dreamnt that the person I gave my all too was the person I would spend the rest of my life with. Yet when I met him I didn't want marriage but now I do. And he doesn't. If I would have wanted marriage before I wouldn't have given my all too him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): dont expect this guy to change he has made it clear he wants more dump his sorry ass and maybe 1 day who knows he may just find himself in your position
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Male anonymous, again I don't seem to be making my self clear. I never felt like he was the wrong guy. I just felt like he and I where perfect together I thought someday we could get married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): To me, it sounds like he is bored of you and doesnt know how to tell you he wants to move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I hear what you are saying but I don't see the difference.
You are still basically saying that when you thought he was the wrong guy, you were willing to sleep with him. And if you had believed he was the right guy at the time, then you would have not have wanted to sleep with him until much later.
Put yourself in the position of a guy who is dating you. Where is the incentive to wanna be "the one" for a girl who operates like this? You are still rewarding the guy MORE for being LESS like what you really want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Male anonymous, that's not I meant by saying that. I meant that. If I knew I wanted to marry him from the start I would have waited for marrige. But since I didn't then. I felt super comfortable with him and at that time we both felt like we belongned to each other it just felt right. I did it because it felt right.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 July 2009):
 There is absolutely nothing wrong with your views. It's unfortunate you two don't share the same. You may have to have another sexual partner. With his views, I don't see him molding into wanting just you. I don't want that to seem depressing. Even if you have one more, there are guys who'd be grateful having someone with your commitment level to one person.
It also sounds like you're in love, where he may not be. At least not to the level that you are. "Getting to use to you" If he were really in love, sex wouldn't be just sex with you. There would be emotion that he'd know wouldn't be reached by going out and having sex with others.
Be proud of your beliefs. Let him go. He's a player. That's not going to work for what you want to happen. And when he's out there having sex with all these others, finds someone he thinks is committing, comes home and she's in bed with a co-worked or a friend, he'll be wishing he had honored and respected you more and he'll realize what he missed out on.
Take care, and I wish you find the one who'll treasure you and the commitment to fidelity you have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): its wrong to have sex with someone when youre dating someone. if youre going to have sex, then it should be with that person and no one else. saying he's too used to you is kinda like saying 'your no good anymore' or 'you arent good enough' dont ya think? sounds to me like he isnt taking the relationship seriously and is just being a horny teenager..
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A
female
reader, mossy  +, writes (21 July 2009):
heyah lv
hun open your eyes this guy needs to be dumped... you love him way too much then he is worth... it should disgust you that he i thinking that he wants to have sex with other women bar you.. if he loves you enough you are all he needs... to him "just sex"?? wtf like so wrong...its like he dont care bout you and just his own sexual needs... you DESERVE sooo much better m'dear..
if i was you i would have dumped him there and then, if he is talking like this and you say no he might cheat on you and thats gonna even hurt you more if you dont put your foot down right now!!
he sounds like a bita ofa player to me and i hope you dont take offense to that its just my opinion hun...
love theres plenty of guys who think what you want and your young lv you have alot of time!!
i would defo break up with him... hope you take my opinion inta consideration...
get bk to me if you have more questions, love to help!!!
mossy xx
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A
male
reader, Jamez  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 just grab hold of him and tell him you love him and make mad love love to him right there on the carpet. i know sex doesnt mean much to guys but just say that he is all you want and that you never want to loose him, and this kind of activity makes guys feel very lucky indeed.
if he loves you he'll stay, if he doesnt he'll try to put it off for a while and eventualy end it, but just make it clear how much he realy means to you.
personally i can understand your feelings, your just not that in to other guys and you just have to tell him forcefully that you want him and no one els!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): You said you would not have slept with him if you had known you would have wanted to marry him from the start? But you did sleep with him while thinking he would not be your "only"? WTF?!? That sounds about as twisted around as anything he is saying.
As for him, he just wants an open relationship. You don't.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 July 2009):
 You are not crazy. And you need to drop this boyfriend. I know he means a lot to you and that you want to marry him, but I fear you'll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of this argument, "being monogamous is unnatural". He wants to sow his wild oats, be slutty for awhile, okay. At least he's told you and hasn't gone behind your back and cheated (though don't rule that out).
I think you need to find someone who shares your views, loves you, and can be satisfied with just you for the rest of his life. There are PLENTY of guys out there who feel this way. There are guys who will never see feeling used to you as a bad thing, those guys will feel like being used to you is a GREAT thing. It means that you're comfortable together and closer than ever. That can be a wonderful feeling for many, instead of a smothering, repetitive feeling that apparently your boyfriend is feeling.
I don't think that his urge will go away. I think that, sadly, he will ultimately happier if you cut him loose so that he can skank it up with as many girls as he pleases without feeling the guilt of you. Either that, or you're going to have to forbid him to see anyone else - perhaps driving him to see people behind your back. Or, suck it up and watch as he sleeps with other people with your permission... and that's just not okay for you, my dear. You deserve better than that - respect, devotion, 100% of him. Not just the part that's left for you when he's done with Sally, Holly and Betsy.
You deserve more than this and can find it. I definitely recommend breaking up with him. Good luck, sweetness!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I think you may love him a lot more than he loves you. Nothing wrong about your preference. Everything is right. Pity there`s not a lot more like you out there.
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