A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, Im married for a year and half. We love each other a lot. My father inlaw and mother inlaw have come to visit us and they are here for a month. During this time my mother inlaw is insisting me to give birth to a baby and she give a kind of torture. me and my husband doesnt want baby right now because both of us are working in well paid organization. And another main reason is we do not have our own house and we dont want child unless we have our own house. Please do suggest should I give birth to a baby. Im just 24 and my husband is 31. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 I hope your husband keep supporting your ( both of you) wishes about wanting to wait to have a child. There is nothing wrong in waiting til you both feel ready Ignore the threats.
Can't you husband deal with his mom?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Wow, I think you have a bigger problem - a mother-in-law who has no boundaries, and feels as if she can even have a voice in such a major life decision... but then again, it's ALL ABOUT HER...
You & your husband need to come together on this, and as a couple set a boundary. The first one I'd set is that a month is about 3 weeks too long to come visit - unless they're from overseas and only come once every couple of years... at which point I wonder WHY she wants a grandchild so bad...
My first monster-in-law has similar lack of boundary issues, which included baby demands, financial assistance demands, control issues, (TV) religion demands, and we had to finally get so verbal that she knew we were serious and fed up... the call at 6am on a Saturday morning, the 4th or 5th saturday in a row got her a response that 25 years later is probably still ringing in her ears...
Thankfully, her daughter decided that she wanted to sleep around and I was releived of assiting this monster through 20 years of her retirement, and my ex's choice in sex partners proved to be poor (poor and old... so now at 48 she has a 68 year old unemployeed hubby!).
My mother-n-law today is a wonderful woman, who I love as much as i;oved my own mother! They do exisit!
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A
female
reader, LallaZine  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 I understand how you must feel. It is more of a cultural problem, as I see your Indian flag. I watched a programme on the television about some Asian mother-in-laws and the way that they try to control their daughter-in-laws. If you have a husband who is understanding, you are lucky and I hope that he respects your decision not to have a baby now.
If you have support from your husband and he explains the situation to his mother, I think that she will have to accept it. Please do not allow anyone to 'torture', or put any pressure on you. You are 24 and have your whole life ahead of you. Tell me, what is your husband like? Is he very respectful and understanding when you say taht you do not want children?
Take care and good luck
LallaZine xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Poor you! They're with you for a whole month? That's torture alright, and you have my sympathy.
Explain to them your reasons for not wanting a child just yet. Let them know that if they wish to help ensure their grandchild's security, they are welcome to buy you a house and make up for your lost earnings, then you'd be quite happy to give them a grandchild.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Well you cant "give birth" to a baby right away, you first have to try and get pregnant and then wait 9 months until it is ready to be born!
I think you are right in wanting to wait a while for a baby, and your mother in law cannot force you to get pregnant! If you really want to get her off your back tell her that you are your husband are trying every night and you will have to wait and see if your next period arrives. That way you can buy a bit of time and she will stop putting so much pressure on you. She cant exactly stand in the room while you and your husband have sex, so she wont ever find out that you have told her a little white lie! And when your period does come, just say "oh well, it hasnt worked this time. We will try again and hopefully I will get pregnant next month".
So thats one option that will work for you. If you dont like that idea, the just tell her the truth and have a word with your husband who might be able to get her to back off. Just explain that you and your husband are not ready for a baby yet but are looking to have one in the future, and she is making you unhappy by constantly insisting you have a child now. It is your body and your life, and if you and your husband are happy as you are at the moment then you should stay that way. Dont be forced into anything you are not comfortable with - after all its your life. Stand up to her and be strong!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 July 2009):
 I think you will have a baby when you are ready to have a baby, and not before. You know what's right for you, and don't let them decide for you. You tell them that you'll have baby when ready, and the more she pushed it, the more stress it creates, the harder it'll be to have a baby when you are ready.
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