A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok here goes...my husband got a bill in the mail today well it was for a 6 min talk to phone sex number...he said he didn't do it but I call it back and the first thing they ask you for is your credit card number..and the bill he got had the last four digits of his credit card and his cell phone number on it...and he was at work the time of the call...and he works in a little room watching stuff with no one around..he's the only one in the building..so it wouldn't be hard for him to do..but he keeps telling me he didn't do it but this wouldn't be the first time he lied to me...should I believe him that he didn't do it or believe the bill its the proof...what should I do I need help..thanks for any advise yo can give..
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (22 July 2009):
You say he has lied before, was it in relation to the same type of thing? if yes, you have your answer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): If it was only his credit card that was charged then I would say that someone might have fraudulently charged his card. I have had fraudulent charges on a credit card 3 times over the years and one of those was a porn site that someone charged. While it is his credit card, he is not the only person who could use it. Anyone who has seen that number from some legitimate purchase could use it fraudulently. However, since it is both his credit card and his cell phone number I would bet that he is the one who called that number.
If it really is a fraudulent charge then he needs to file a report with the police and dispute the charge with the credit card company. If he is not willing to do this then he is probably guilty. Two years ago I had 3 fraudulent charges on my credit card in one hour. None were porn, but the tracking service that my credit union uses called me right away to see if the charges were mine. I had to call the local police and file a report. The officer came to our house and did the paperwork. Some sales clerk or some internet order site worker probably used my number to place orders over the internet.
I also agree with those who say that this is not such a big deal and is similar to looking at porn. If he has only done this once then it might have been out of curiosity and/or boredom that day. Just because he has done it once does not mean that he is now addicted and is going to run up thousands of dollars in bills. I have signed up with 3 porn sites the past 5 years, each for one month. Total cost - $30. The thing is that my wife knows when I do it. His lying is the bigger problem, not that he spent 6 minutes on a sex chat room.
As others have said, I don't think this is a big deal. However, you have got to make him know that you want the truth. Trying to make him understand that you are not angry about what he did, but insist that he be truthful with you, is probably the best way to make him fess up. Please don't now get paranoid that he is now some sex addict. My wife and I have done things similar to this, like investigating swinging on the internet out of curiosity. We were curious what type of people do this. We also each signed up for a "free" dating site to see what would happen. She got 7 offers in one day, while I got none in a week. :( The thing is that we do it together just to see how others think about various sexual things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): well i do not think what he has done is anything really bad, he knows in the back of his mind as well as us that these women are not as they appear on the ads, but its the fantasy that they could. He most probably rang out of curiosity.
i myself have looked at porn and rang sex lines (twice) yet my wife does not know, she does not know because she would assume that i do not love her and that i was looking elsewhere. I love my wife more than any person or thing and would not entertain the thought of physically cheating on her. the calls and online porn are just curiosity. id let this one go. but as you know now theres nothing wrong with letting him know you arnt happy with it. its really not worth fighting over though. maybe ask him to ring you if he is feeling horny? let him know what he is comming home too? that would be way better than a sex line trust me.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Its a safe bet that he did it.And normally I would say its no big deal.The thing that sucks is he lied to you.Maybe hes embarrassed about it or whatever.Its still not cool.Talk to him.Let him know how he has hurt your feelings and why.I personally couldn`t let the lie stand.I wouldn`t leave him for it but would definitely get to the truth of the matter. Find out why he did it and why he lied about it.Other here have suggested you be more alluring and have him call you and what not.I can agree that that might be the better solution.But honestly I would more likely deny him sex a couple days at least,or some other small punishment,and let him know its because he lied.Not that he called the #.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Great advice from the first post. Accept his reasons but say that if someone has used his credit card then it needs investigating and you have made an appointment for both of you either at the police station or with a private detective to get to the bottom of it - or better still say that you called the company and they are sending a representative to go through the dispute with you and are looking into it. By taking his side and showing concern he will be caught off guard - don't let him wriggle out of it. However as it is so obvious he has called it maybe you need to find out why. Men often take the cowards way and lie.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Hmmm. When I was in college I had a part time job working in a call center that took billing dispute calls for Phone Sex lines. Most of the disputes were readily handled and cover stories blown because the company I worked for used a voice print accepting of the terms of service.
If you want concrete proof your best bet is to try to find a customer service number or corporate number where you could speak to someone in a billing or CS department. Most of the Phone Sex companies (that are based in the US anyway)these days use this method(voiceprint)because they have a boatload of these type of disputes.
If you want please feel free to PM me and I may be able to lead you in a direction so you can avoid Gatekeepers and after business hours call lines so you may actually be able to find out.
Chances are though your hubby will be busted cold.
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A
female
reader, karmagonebad +, writes (22 July 2009):
He did it. Before you freak out just understand that it was (hopefully) out of curiosity. Or maybe he craves something a little different. If you have been together for a while and everything is routine he might want excitement. Let him know that calling a sex line is unacceptable and that you're hurt by it and move on. Give him the excitement that he craves. Try new things, wake him 5 minutes early for a quickie, pull over on the side of the road...whatever it takes to show him that you'll keep your sex life spicy. If he still calls and you have proof...he has a problem that you can't fix by yourself.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (22 July 2009):
Well unless his credit card AND his cell phone were stolen then I think it's pretty safe to say he's the one who called. What YOU need to think about is this- how big of a deal is this to you? Some women would just shrug this off as being similar to watching porn or going to a strip club- are these serious offences in your eyes? If it's not really so bad to you then you need to find out why he's lying about it. Maybe he thinks you would leave him over something like this and that's why he's lying. Either way whether you are hurt by the fact or not- he shouldn't be lying about it. Tell him you want the truth, its more likely that the lying is bothering you more than the act itself. If it is the act that's bothering you more- sometimes men just need a little fantasy- porn, sex lines, and strip clubs give them that. Personally, I don't think its a big deal- remember he had to PAY for those women to talk to him, he's not cheating or anything- but he shouldn't lie about it! That's just my opinion. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): leave him sexy voicemails, maybe he won' be callin those numbers.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 July 2009):
 The only thing you have not been given is photo id, or a dna sample. People will say things to stay out of being in trouble, but when evidence is right in front of you, i'd trust that evidence. Has he called the credit card company for fraud, just in case (small chance) someone used his card number.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): tell him to save his money- call you next time, have a certain hour picked out where you can get time alone and talk dirty to each other. that way he saves money and you don't have to worry about someone else warming him up for you. its just a number- its harmless. do not stress it, but do tell him, you understand he may be embarrassed but its something that already happened, put it behind you both and figure out in pillow talk what he was looking for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): mmmm....... he's denying it ever took place. Tell him that you will go with him to the police to lay a charge of fraud.... as it appears that someone has used his credit card without his knowledge....Go as far as going to the police,..... he will probably own up then!!
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