A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and a 2nd year varsity student... I've been in a relationship with this guy for over 2 years now... He loves me and treats me like a queen. We are both virgins and we are considering having sex. I would just like some sort of guidance as 2 how do u know when you are ready to lose your virginity. I come from a religious family who believe in sex after marriage but I don't feel the same way. I'm not rushing into it as I want to be certain that I'm emotionally mature to handle it. I also don't want to lie to my parents, they have asked me if I am sexually active and have told me that when i do decide to become sexually active that I should ask them to get me on the pill but I know how they would react and their views about sex. So should i go behind their backs to get contraceptives or Should I be honest with my them and tell them that I'm considering having sex? What should I consider in deciding if I'm ready to lose my virginity? I just want to be responsible and safe.
View related questions:
both virgins, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): I knew I was ready when it didn't seem as scary, me and my boyfriend has almost went the whole way several times but would chicken out cause it just wasn't right, then one day after over 3 years it just happened, and I wouldn't have wanted it to happen any other way
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You are ready when you no longer ask yourself that question. When sex becomes the most natural expression of your emotional state or at least your physical one, towards a long term or short term partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 How do you know when you are ready...? I'm not sure i really knew I was ready until it happened! If you have thought it through and you both love each other then that is a good start...
I wouldn't get your parents involved in your sex life?! Would you want your mum asking for advice on her sex life?! You are a grown adult, far older than most for losing your virginity so if you want to go on the pill speak to your doctor not your parents!!
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You know when you're ready. Like you, I don't agree that sex is a sin before marriage. I believe God created sex to experience intimacy, which is a way of experiencing the Love of God. Just be safe, and make sure, although he treats you like a queen, that your love for him is equal to his for you, because once you loose it, you never get it back, so make sure he is the one you want to first share that experience with.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 When I got to 12 years old, my brother, Steve, said to me: "you mean you've never had sex???.... put your peeny in to a girl?????
At that point, I KNEW I was ready.... and I've been looking out, ever since. You should, too.....
Good luck....
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 September 2013):
Maybe you should have "the talk" with them so you can get on the pill now. That way you're ready when the time comes. Don't trust condoms as your sole birth control.
I'd say that you're ready when the desire overpowers the nervousness and intimidation.
Sex isn't something that requires a lot of readiness to enjoy responsibly. You just need birth control and a healthy mind, and ideally, someone who cares about you and vice versa. If you have "issues", you may need to wait.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 If you do go on birth control pill wait another 3 months for the pill to get effective. It could cause mood swings and other bodily changes so you want to make sure the brand of pill is suitable for you. In a relationship you want to make decisions when you feel calm. Pills are around 20$ a month. You will also need condoms for back up protection.
Growing up I was never comfortable talking about sex with my parents. Your parents are supposed to be your support system. I believe what you want to talk about is your feelings, is this normal or not, how will my boyfriend react, etc. But I imagine what you would get is a whole bunch of lecture of things that could go wrong. That you are still their little princess. Why would a guy buy the cow if he could milk it for free?
You know your parents better so only talk to them if you think it would lead to a productive conversation, not one that would just make you feel bad.
People are never ready to lose their virginity. It comes when the moment feels right and when your passion override your fear of the unknown, your fear of pain.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
 You are 19 and legally an adult and presumably can make your own medical decisions. Your parents probably don't even have access to your medical information without your consent at this point. (http://www.familyplanning.org.nz/health_info_issues/information_for_parents_caregivers/young_people_their_rights )
There's a great checklist to see if you are ready to have sex here: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/info-for-teens/sex-masturbation/am-ready-sex-33826.htm
And a really comprehensive one here: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist
My advice to you is to move slowly. Don't rush to full sex yet, as you've already said you won't.
You will know when you are ready, if you pay attention. If you feel rushed, pressured, insecure or otherwise confused, well, then definitely don't.
You talk abut having sex, could I ask you if that means intercourse? Are you engaging in any sexual activities otherwise now?
...............................
|
