A
female
age
51-59,
*ose_red_09
writes:I have been married to my lovely hubby for a year. We met in our 40's and it is our first marriage for us both. As soon as we married, we started trying for a family which we both dearly want.As I am 42 now - I have been seeing the doctor and fertility specialist to see if all is right with us in that area. It's been a difficult year with all sorts of poking and prodding but - ultimately - we are both perfectly healthy fertility wise - hubby has a few slow swimmers but all is functioning okay. But unfortunately - fertility is depleting at our age......So - I am now on a course of 'clomid' ( a fertility drug) and we have our first consultation with a private clinic in a few weeks as we may need some sort of fertility treatment.But the problem is that I have just lost the plot when it comes to yearning for a baby. I feel so depressed that I feel that I am being denied a baby when I see mother and babies everywhere I go.......It just feels so unfair and I just don't know how to stop me spiralling.......I have good friends and family and I know that stress is not good for conception but how do I stop being obsessed with wanting a baby. I work, swim, walk the dog, socialise - I am always trying to keep busy but the want to be a mother is eating me up.Can anyone help? Any thoughts in how to deal with the situation? Many many thanks
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female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (24 June 2013):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the kind words - it means a lot to me. We just had a weekend of doing exactly what you said - date nights, movies and cuddling :-) Thank you for the good wishes for the next step in our journey - am trying to be as positive as possible :-)
Thank you all for taking a moment to write :-))
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 I am sure you will get pregnant very soon and you will make a wonderful mother. Meanwhile, just distract yourself and keep thinking positive. Never ever let your doubts and fears get you down and don't let all of this take a toll on your relationship with your husband. I'm sure he must be just as stressed. Go out on date nights, watch movies, busy yourself with work and just keep hoping for the best and don't ever give up hope. All the best for your treatment! :)
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (24 June 2013):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so moth for the positive words - especially the person who said don't be so lonely. I really am struggling at the moment and it's nice to know that people have had children at my age and older.
We have our first appointment at the private fertility clinic in a week so fingers crossed!!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (24 June 2013):
My grandma had my aunt when she was 18 then she tried for another baby for many MANY years without any success and then after almost 14 years, she had my mom and both her brothers within just a couple of years.
What I'm saying is, please don't give up hope. It will happen when it has to and meanwhile please stay positive and please dont feel lonely because there are millions of women going through this as we speak. I am sure it will work out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Funny story. My mother had my older sister at 20 years old and was told that she couldn't have anymore children, she went on to have six more. My youngest brother was born when my mom was 46 and he was healthy. They weren't trying either, just came as a complete shock.
There is a great possibility to have a child at your age, 42 isn't old. I wish you and your husband the best of luck and I sincerely hope that you conceive.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (12 June 2013):
you're welcome, Im glad you have read it and hope it helps. I also forgot to mention my friends mum was 46 when she gave birth to her last child (my friends brother) also a healthy child and this is in Ireland where we have a lower rate of IVF
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 June 2013):
 I recommend you buy a two seat sports car, that has worked for two couples I know.
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (12 June 2013):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Deidre - that's so lovely to hear :-) It is actually stories like that that stop me spiralling.....I know it can happen but it's a very lonely and hard process.
To the lady who fell pregnant after all the heartache - thank you thank you thank you. Your last sentences sum it up all so well - it's about the pregnancy wanting to be my choice, isn't it supposed to be natural and part of life...Empathy is also important as sometimes I feel so lonely going through this. I am so glad that you had your son, thank you for writing :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): My husband and I actually went through something very similar. We underwent a few months of Clomid, followed by a few months of Femera, to no avail. As we prepared for IVF, I fell pregnant, and so came my son.
Those few sentences seem so simple, but there were miles of tears, fears, frustrations and despair laced through those periods of time. In retrospect, I think what fueled my obsession to conceive was the fact that pregnancy couldn't be MY choice. I felt powerless over something that was supposed to be natural, and it infuriate me. I don't know thati have much to offer, other than empathy, as I am all too familiar with those feelings myself. I wish you well!
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (12 June 2013):
actually it is quite possible for you to have a child! my grandmother was almost 44 when my mother was born & my mother was 42 almost 43 when I was born (perfectly healthy)
good luck & hope you get your much wanted child
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (11 June 2013):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think my chances are slim at all - I am ovulating and nowhere near the menopause - it just maybe that we have to look at IUI or IVF. Women do have babies at my age - it can and does happen......
Adoption - you can not look at adoption in England when you are undergoing fertility treatment so that option we cannot look at at the moment......
Thank you RCN - I get what you are saying.......I am trying too hard and it's very hard trying to chill about it as I know we don't have time on our hands.....But I am starting yoga classes - hope that just relaxed me mentally!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): You know your chances are slim. To conceive now would be somewhat a miracle. The first answer is right, if you don't obsess about it might happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): have you seriously considered adoption? If not, then maybe it is time to. Some times, having a back up plan takes the pressure of your primary plan and will reduce your stress. Isn't it worth not being miserable and depressed?
in fact, adoption might be the safest route medically for all involved - for you, and for any future child you have.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 June 2013):
 Have you ever heard that people can "will" themselves out of getting pregnant by trying to hard? With my exwife, she wanted a baby so bad, and we tried and tried and nothing, then when we decided maybe we should wait a little while, she got pregnant. I have heard similar stories to that as well. Although it's not medically proven, I believe people can desire a baby to the point where it blocks their getting pregnant. So I recommend that you love your husband, have sex often, and see what happens, but without the desire for it to.
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