A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI was dumped a month ago from a 3 yr relationship. He called me really nasty names while dumping me and the relationship was very abusive the last few months.I am trying to get over him, its getting difficult with each passing day. havent contacted him for last 1 month, today i did call his number from my office just to hear his voice. He didnt pick up the call, he doent know my new office no anyway. I know i shouldnt have called, why cant i just forget him, the way he forgot me. Why am the only one who is struggling while he is enjoying his lifePlease help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 June 2013):
 You are used to the abuse he was doling out. On some level, you think that is what you deserve. Why that is, we can't say. Please please please go find a counselor who is familiar with abuse and get some help there, okay?
P.S. If he's an abusive type of guy then he's putting on a really good front to the world. So please stop doing those things that keep you in the cycle of contact. Don't call his number, don't look at pictures.
Do you have a friend you can rely on, to be your confidante when you feel like calling the awful ex? Ask her if you can program her number into your phone and dial her instead of his office number.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Go easy on yourself! You don't know if he's all happy, and it's natural to grieve for a month after a long relationship has broken up!
It also sounds like he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Do you want someone who has it in him to verbally and emotionally abuse a woman he claims to have loved? Gross!
I know it's hard, but in the long run, you will be so much better off than him. People who mistreat those they're with tend to be unhappy people.
Do NOT call him anymore! Mourning the relationship is one thing. Pining after him to the point of becoming stalkerish is never a good idea!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 June 2013):
 You're so focused on what he's doing, you're missing what you can be doing. Breakups are hard, and after three years and the time invested, for that to end is a hard transition, but what you're doing is what's keeping you down. Your focus is still on him, and not you and your happiness.
There are areas you had in your relationship that I bet if you thought about them would still make you smile. When thinking about this chapter in your book, I want you to only focus on those times that make you smile, because that makes the "experience" itself worth having. But now you are beginning a new chapter in your book. You will get new experiences and need to leave yourself open to them. Your new chapter may end up better than the one that was closed.
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