A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf and I had a huge arguement yest, he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore, that we were different, that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I started crying because I honestly did not think he felt this way, and he hugged me and said he wasn't going to leave me, that he was just mad. He said that I hurt his feelings by calling him names when i'm mad. But at least I don't tell him everythig he told me.I forgave him, and asked him to forgive me. But I still cant forget everything he said. I don't why he would say all tat to later say he was sorry and that he wants to be with me. I told him he could go if thats what makes him happy, but he didnt. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 January 2014):
 If you can't forgive what he said, then you have not forgiven him. You said, "He said that I hurt his feelings by calling him names when i'm mad. But at least I don't tell him everythig he told me." Does it really matter what names you called him in comparison to what he said, or could you both be equally wrong?
I think you both need to stop attacking each other, and trying to seek power over the other. If you don't, I predict this will be a very short lived relationship. If you love him you will protect his feelings by not calling him names that hurt him. If he loves you he will do the same.
Relationships are simpler than many created. You choose to be with him, great, be with him. He chooses to be with you, that's great to, and that should be the extent of your relationship, where at the same time either one can change their mind and not be in the relationship. You called him names, which is a false sense of power. He said he didn't want to be with you, also as a false sense of power, which is to see how you would react. This is not healthy communication, and power and control should not be the foundation of your relationship.
You both need to learn how to better communication, where you can address issues within the relationship, without seeking control or attacking the other person.
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