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age
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writes: I used to be friends with a group of girls who treated me like their doormat and who only wanted to hang out with me when no one else was around. Eventually, some of them asked to hang out again, but I said no because I knew they would only end up ditching me. Now if I happen to run into them, they brag about their lives and act smug and talk about how they would hang out, but they have much more important things to do.Now I know I'm better off without them, but it still hurts. I don't get why they have to be so negative. I try to be polite and be the bigger person when I see them, but it still hurts. I know it sounds dramatic, but I'm scared to make new friends because I don't want to go through the same thing. Plus, they seem to be this way with only me. They talk to other friends that they used to hate and treat them fine. But with me they act like they hate me or something, even though I didn't do anything to them. Why are they like this to only me? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (11 June 2013):
 No doubt this still hurts because as I see it; we all like to be accepted and belong somewhere within a group of people… That doesn’t mean we change ourselves to fit in with others for approval sake either. Especially these girls, who brag, act smug and big note how important they are. Gee’s even I’d rather hang out with someone polite than these carpet weavers.Sure enough you will experience more people similar to this in life and it’s good that you discovered this now. I call them fair weather friends to put it politely because they only come out when they only ‘want’ something off you – company, money, transport etc. whereas most of the time they ignore you. Plus you can forget about asking them for a helping hand etc. Lesson is; they’re not worth anguishing – hurting over. You simply make new friends elsewhere and learn to be a better judge of character when meeting strangers and developing new friendships. It’s a part of life, and nothing to be afraid of.For me: I know I’d have more (artificial) friends coming out of the carpet factory if I suddenly changed to their way of thinking or if I had something they wanted, but I do not care to be accommodating that way. I’m happy with being me! :) Take Care – CAA
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you rcn, your post really helps. How long before you realized that was going on? And why or how did it begin?They could never be happy for me. If I had good news, they would only look at the negatives. I used to think that if I was there for them, then they would be there for me. I used to want to help them and solve their problems, because they would then help me. But sadly, it was never like that. The focus was only on them and their life. Even if I talked about myself and problems, they would turn it back around to focus on them and their life. Or sometimes they wouldn't even pay attention to me. Some of them would actually yell at me. They admitted that they did it because I would take it and we would still be friends. (That really ticked me off.) The friendships were all one sided. They came to me as if I were a sounding board and then would leave until their next problem. During a time when I really needed them, they weren't there. So it dawned on me that they didn't care. They didn't care about me as a person or as a friend. They only used me.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 June 2013):
 You create your experience, including friendships. What I have found is that when you are with friends who end up not being good to you, it's a sign that there is something within your being that is creating the experience that you don't want. Like in your post, you ask "why" and what you should be saying is that who you're friends with, and your reasons for being their friend is within your control, and by your choice. How long were you the doormat? How long before you realized that was going on? And why or how did it begin?
People will take advantage of your friendship and generosity when you allow them to. It's human nature. "If she's willing, we'll take." So when you begin new friendships, you need to establish new boundaries. Don't be the "yes" girl, even though we sometimes say yes to protect the feelings of others, or we feel it's not okay to say "no" because we fear someone else's reaction. You're young, you will find good friends, but in that process you'll also run across others who you should really stay away from. The key is to recognize early who will take advantage of you, and who will not. You learn this by having experiences with others.
You may not like the outcome you had with this group of girls, but through the experience you've learned characteristics and how people take advantage of others, and with that learning, you'll better recognize people who are like them. Don't bar yourself from experiencing with others, just keep your eyes open with what you've learned, and choose who to spend your time with according to that learning. We've all been through the process you're going through now. I don't think any of us can truthfully state that we have never been taken advantage of by someone else. I can say that I am not now, because of what I've learned from negative experiences.
Something else that is important is that if you are not someone who takes advantage of others, don't try analyzing why someone else is. We spend to much time trying to analyze characteristics that go against our own. If we are not like that, it's difficult to conceive someone who is.
I hope this helps, take care.
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