A
female
age
26-29,
*attie
writes:I am about to turn eighteen and have been questioning my sexuality for awhile now. I have had only 3 relationships in my life, one i am currently engaged in, and the previous two have ended because i showed no intent on a sexual relationship with them. I have found myself not being sexually attracted anyone i am around, including my current boyfriend. I want to by sexually attracted to someone but so far it has not happened. There are people that i am psychically attracted to in the sense of kissing and hugging and so on but when it comes to sex i cant find any attraction what so ever.the weird part is that i still masturbate. i am contemplating if i am asexual or not. i am starting to come to terms that i am likely asexual. If i am then how do i tell my boyfriend, parents, friends, and family?
View related questions:
engaged, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): It is possible to still feel emotionally attracted to people, but not want a sexual relationship - the two are different aspects - its possible you might be a 'grey'.Also some asexuals do masturbate - its a physiological need for some.Sexuality is a huge and wide spectrum - and I'm not talking LBGT - of desires, wants, needs.For whats its worth I can agree entirely with how you feel - while I've not had a significant relationship; I've always felt I want the emotional and phyisical (cuddling, kissing) aspects so much more than the actual 'sex' - the idea of which isn't that appealing, despite masturbating...I'd check out AVEN - http://www.asexuality.org/home/ - and click the forums button, top right. You'll find a whole world who will be a lot better placed to answer any queries you have.I'm not sure I ever found my answer; but I gave up worrying and will just what ever be be ;)
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Hmmm...
I don't think you are asexual. You said this:
"There are people that i am psychically attracted to in the sense of kissing and hugging and so on"
An asexual person would neither have the interest, nor attraction to kiss or hug someone. The attraction would not be there.
In your case, your phrasing may be telling. You said "there are people...", not "there are guys". Does this mean that some of the people you are attracted to may be women as well as guys?
I'm thinking there is a mental and emotional block to your sexuality, not that it doesn't exist. It could boil down to you finding the right person. It could be that you feel your desires going in a way that may not be conventional to others you love. It could be that you haven't yet figured out who you are.
Either way, you are young. It's possible that looking for a label to define yourself might not be a good idea, because labels box people in, and instead of knowing yourself, you try to fit into the label, which can be unhealthy if not everything about you fits.
I don't think you are asexual, but I think there are roads you haven't yet traveled and feelings you have never ever felt.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 My amateur opinion is that if you masturbate you aren't asexual. You have a sexual desire, so you masturbate.
You are only 18 and have had 3 significant relationships already?
Did any of these relationships include unwanted sexual contact?
If you WANT to be sexually attracted to someone then you aren't asexual. You are a sexual being.
You just seem to be having some trouble figuring out why you aren't as interested in sex as your current partner? Is that right?
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You're still young. Let me explain. Although we know there are females who get horny, and want sex at extremely early ages, that is not a set standard. You know masturbation and having orgasmic experiences you create feels good and can be exciting, but you're just not ready to have someone else do that for you. That's okay.
However, it could have something to do with how you view yourself as well. If you view your body in a negative way, you could be setting up mental blocks that, in a way, is warding off any who may desiring entering your space or bubble. Have you ever experienced a traumatic sexual experience? It could be rape, or being molested when you were young. It can even be something that is no longer a daily part of your conscious thought. If so, that can give reason for your perceived asexual way of being now.
So, you have questions to answer. (1) Are you a virgin? (2) If not, when you had sex the first time, or anytime after, how did it feel to you? (3) Was it uncomfortable, or did you feel anxious or afraid? (4) Have you ever been sexually assaulted in any way? (5) When you see yourself naked, how do you view yourself...or what comes to mind?
I hope this helps.
...............................
|
