A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So recently I just started talking to an ex of mine. We live states away, so basically the only thing that we do is text for right now. I'm fairly content to be on my own at the moment, since I got out of a long relationship not too long ago and feel I just need some time to focus on myself. But I do still have some feelings for this long distance guy. The reason we stopped talking in the first place is that he said he had really strong feelings for this girl that lived near him, and wanted to get serious with her. So he stopped talking to me because he admitted to still wanting to be with me, and it would ruin his chances with the other girl. I didn't really understand, as I had not really been pursuing anything more from him than friendship at the time, but I stopped talking to him because that's what he wanted.Now about two months have passed since then and we're talking. Before he didn't want to talk to me because I'd ruin his relationship, now texting from him has gotten more sexual in nature, etc. The way he makes it sound is that he wants what I would equate to a friends with benefits type of deal, as he had said that he doesn't want me to get attached and he just wants fun. But also that he doesn't want to hurt me. For now I'm not really thinking much on it and taking things a day at a time, but there are some questions that have been bothering me. If he was so set on not even having plain jane conversations with me because I would ruin everything with this other girl, why talk to me and talk to me like that now? I've often wondered if maybe that relationship fell apart? Or maybe he's not satisfied?But the one thing that's been bothering me the most is the friends with benefits thing. A little part of me does want more with him, but that's not what's bothering me most. Why go through all the trouble? We live states away from each other but yet he's mentioned a few times about coming up by me. I know for a fact that he has other girls around him where he lives, including his best friend that he had feelings for as well. If he really wanted sex he literally would have to go a few houses down and he'd have it. So why go through all the trouble, spend all the money, to come to me?I'm trying to keep my guard up about the whole situation, but I'd appreciate some insight to the questions that I've been thinking on. Thanks in advance!
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best friend, friend with benefits, long distance, money, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 June 2013):
 Just because he can go a few houses down to insert into another girl, doesn't mean that's what he wants. There must be something about you that he desires that makes it all worth it. I do think that to properly answer your questions, these are some that can be brought to him and discussed. His answers will help you make a decision better than what we can give you on here.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (11 June 2013):
 Don't do it. Cut contact with him. How dare he come crawling back? Don't let him use you. There's nothing to say that he's NOT having sex with these other girls and now he wants to make sure he's got you on board as well. It's dangerous for you because you have feelings for him. You're better off cutting him out off your life completely.
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