A
female
age
30-35,
*enny17
writes:I could really do with a few questions answering, as I'm driving myself crazy and getting really upset.I'm 18 and upto a month ago, I'd not kissed a guy, had a proper boyfriend and obviously hadn't had sex. This used to frustrate me every single day because I just felt so down that no one seemed interested in me and I didn't feel like a proper teenager - I felt like I'd never have a boyfriend because I'm just not pretty enough and I'm not slim - it really did make me depressed and knock my confidence, which I have extremely little of anyway. I went out to a few clubs about a month ago and ended up VERY drunk. I met this guy and was with him for about 40 minutes, pretty much just kissing him the whole time, although I remember him asking me quite a few questions about myself. We swapped numbers and he text me the next morning, and every single day since we met in the club, we've been texting and got very flirty and I really started to like him. In my head I thought it was possible that when we met up, we might end up getting together. He went on holiday for a week last week and I really missed texting him. He got back home Saturday morning and text me straight away. Then in the evening he text me and asked me if I fancied meeting up if I wanted to go round to his house or something. I said I'd like to go round, but twice he asked me if I felt comfortable and said we could go out somewhere if I'd prefer, but I preferred the idea of going round to his.So my mum dropped me round at half 8 and I was a bag of nerves! When he opened the door he greeting me with a hug and kiss on the cheek which I thought was lovely. Then he showed me into the living room and I could feel his hand on my waist and then as soon as I sat down he put his arm around me, then soon started giving me gentle kisses on my head. I realised at this point he wasn't exactly as I thought, cos I thought he was quite shy and reserved but he appeared very confident and almost quite full on. I could feel he kept trying to kiss me and I knew if I sort of turned to him we'd start kissing, so I kept my eyes fixed on the TV and made sure my jacket was on tight. A while later it was still going on and I decided I wanted to kiss him, so we did and then we spent about an hour just full on kissing, really going for it and he was grabbing hold of me really tight, sort of climbing on me, but I actually started to like it.Obviously I'm not going to give loads of details, but we switched to the bigger sofa, carried on, and then the clothes started coming off. He was kissing my neck and then asked me if I wanted sex - at this point I really did, because I've felt ready to lose my virginity for so long and I've just wanted it to happen. I felt comfortable with him and was really enjoying it so I said 'Yeah, but it's my first time ok?' and he asked if I definitely wanted to then and said he didn't wanna pressure me but I said I wanted to do it, so he said he'd be careful and we went upstairs. The first thing I questioned in my head is how he got the condom from his wallet - he's single and I get the impression he's not had a girlfriend for quite a while so I just wondered why he had one in his wallet. Is it normal for guys to carry them in their wallet like that? Or maybe he was planning on having sex with me, considering he was all over me as soon as I walked in the door, so that's why he had it. But then he did offer that we could've gone out and met up rather than me going to his house the first time we met up. Am I over thinking this? It's just the thought that he has sex quite often doesn't sit comfortably with me, but he's not like absolutely gorgeous so I can't imagine he gets loads of girls.Another thing I've been thinking about is how the sex lasted all of 5 minutes. It really hurt at first and then when I started to enjoy it much more it was over because he'd played his part. Is that normal too? I mean he was really horny so it's not surprising it came so quick.Anyway since that night, I've not stopped thinking about it - losing my virginity was quite a big deal to me. And I haven't stopped thinking about him since :( He's texted me quite a bit since, but I'm just so scared that it's gonna be a 'he got what he wanted, end of' situation. I really want to see him again and the thought of him seeing someone else or sleeping with anyone else would kill me. I'd really like to be with him, and also the thought that I lost my virginity to a guy I really didn't know that well, and then that's it, would be terrible. I keep thinking about him and I just want to see him again. When I left his house he gave me a hug and a kiss and said to text him, so I'm praying he does want to see me again. I'd love to go round his again, and his parents are away for 2 weeks, and maybe he'd like me to go round again but doesn't know if I want to. The situation is getting me down cos I just really like him.Also, he's going back to uni at the end of September. It's an hour away on the train and he comes back every now and then for different things but I have this fear that I'll just be forgotten and I'd really hate that, it would hurt so much.I just don't know whether he's interested in something more with me and he's interested in me in that way, cos he did keep calling me gorgeous and holding my hand and kissing my head before we had sex, but was that just a way to have sex with me? I just want to know what he wants, if anything, but and I know this sounds stupid considering we've had sex, but I really don't know him well enough to sort of discuss this yet.Please help :(
View related questions:
condom, confidence, depressed, drunk, flirt, horny, kissing, lost my virginity, on holiday, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Lets forget this silly female gossip nonsense.He wasn't relationship material. He wanted just sexual fun with you. You were the virgin who hated being the virgin so lost your virginity to pretty much a stranger because you knew it was extremely likely to happen and you felt your virginity was holding you back with guys etc.That is that. Move on... he used you, you used him. People have free text messages these days both contract phones and PAYG too (i.e. top up £x and get x free text messages) - just passes the time and increases his confidence to get with other girls.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It doesn't seem to be all about sex to me. Like I said earlier, the best way to know is to talk to him. Let him know that you felt that you two rushed into things a bit, but you hope that you can be a real couple. I'm very glad to hear that he was working to please you. Not knowing how to put a condom on is a sure sign of inexperience. He was likely very nervous which probably didn't help things.
If you don't want to jump right to the relationship talk, ask him if his offer to go out still stands. Then go on a date if he says yes. It can be something as simple as dinner or a movie. I generally prefer something where we can talk and get to know eachother. Texts are nice, but nothing beats a real conversation for getting to know somebody.
You have to quit asking what if, and FIND OUT! Go on a date, I'm reasonably sure he wants to too.
...............................
A
female
reader, penny17 +, writes (23 August 2010):
penny17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. Everyone seems to have different views, I'm so confused.
I mean he's still texting me, asking me what I'm upto and stuff, not talking about anything sexual. Before he went on holiday he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink but I was really busy and couldn't. Does it really look like he just wanted sex?
I know I shouldn't have had sex with him, and with how much I was kissing back and the fact that I said I wanted to go to his house made it look like I wanted sex - I made those mistakes.
I have this guy on facebook and he's single, so I know he's not with anyone.
In reply to dirtball, he was pleasing me before we had sex, that was definite. It may well be that he is inexperienced because when he was putting the condom on he was struggling a bit and said how he's not very good at putting them on.
Also, for the month that we were texting before we met, we never spoke about anything sexual. He used to ask about what I study at college, what I want to do at uni when I'm older, he asked if I had brothers and sisters, what my parents did... just general things about me - it never sounded like all he wanted is sex.
Am I just plucking at straws here? Does it still seem that it was all about sex?
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It sounds as if the main reason for his interest in you was to have sex with you. He didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, though, and that's why he said the two of you could go out somewhere. (and yes, telling you you're gorgeous is a way of flattering you so you'll be more willing to sleep with him).
So let's see, what do you have?
First, you met him at a club when you were very drunk.
Second, he's sent texts a number of times and as soon as he returned from vacation, asked if you wanted to meet.
Third, the fact that he was carrying a condom defintely signals his intention to have sex with you when you got together.
So far, its been all about sex. No going out somewhere and spending time talking, to see if you both enjoyed being together in a non-physical situation.......
Unfortunately, you can safely say that this is the extent of his interest at this point. IF you want to attempt to take things beyond the purely physical, you might try getting together to go out somewhere (bowling, concert, lunch, coffee) whatever that does not involve going back to his place, and just try chatting and finding out what else you're both interested in.......BUT, I have to say this has a very slim chance, especially as he's returning to university pretty soon, and very little time to meet again......sorry.....
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 August 2010):
Ok, you took things rather backward here. You're supposed to get all those questions about his intentions with you answered before you have sex with him. That way you can be more sure about the relationship and you aren't left with all the questions you have now. Being too late for that, I'll do my best to answer some of your questions.
Why did he have a condom on him?
Could be a couple of things, but I have condoms at my place an I haven't had sex in over a year. It's good to be prepared and safe. Nothing is worse then when you're both ready and you don't have protection. Many guys keep a condom in their wallet. I did until I learned that this was actually bad for the condom and can increase their failure rate. Honestly, I do think you're overthinking the condom a bit.
Is it normal for the sex to last only 5 minutes?
This really depends on the guy. However, with you being a virgin, you were likely very tight. This can really speed things up, especially if he hasn't had sex in a while and was really horny. My question is, did he try to please you after he came? Did you let him know it was starting to feel good? In the occasion where I come faster than I want to, I do my best to please my girl by other means. Usually oral or manual stimulation to make sure she has an orgasm too. If he didn't even make an attempt, that isn't a good sign, but it doesn't mean he was just using you either. It is possible he is inexperienced as well and didn't know what to do. He might also have been embarassed by his lack of "stamina" and freaked a bit without showing it.
What are his intentions going forward (interpreted question)?
The fact that he's still texting you is a good sign. If you want to be with him, then tell him. Let him know you like how you feel with him and hope he feels the same. My guess is that he wasn't just using you for sex. If he was, you wouldn't have heard from him again. Your worries about when he goes to university are valid, but at the same time, an hour isn't that far. He can visit you some weekends, and you can visit him. You sound fairly sheltered, but you're also an adult. It might help you a lot to go and have a weekend getaway with him.
Tell him how you feel. Ask him if he would like to have a relationship. Don't look for signals, or interpret behavior, just ask. That is lesson #1 about relationships.
Lesson #2. Have a proper relationship before having sex. It is a way to insure the intentions of the individual you're with, as well as a way of making sure you will be less likely to regret it later.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (23 August 2010):
Hello sweety, it's normal feeling that way after your first sexual experience, all the fears all the doubts all the insecurity, especially that ur intimate moment was shared with someone u barely knew!
Since u don't know the guy much, u met him at a bar and apparently your friends don't know him, we can't reduce the possibility that the guy might be a womanizer, a one night stander , and that he might have a girlfriend. however you can't be sure and pre judge him.
The condom in his wallet is a clear proof that the guy is sexually active or was planning to have sex with u the night u came to his house. Besides, when he gave you options to go out or stay in , you chose the 2nd option, which clearly means in a man's vocab for someone he just met that u want to sleep with him, that was a mistake, you should have managed to know him better before getting physical with him , not because of the play it hard to get part but simply to get to know who and what type of person he is , if he's a good or bad guy. single or taken...
Now that it's done you can't fix it but what you can do is lower your expectations towards him and the relationship expected , be honest with him tell him that u want to be with him and looking for a relatioship not only sex.
See what he has to say, anyways his acts will say it all, wait and see sweetheart, hope for the best but expect the worst and you'll never get shocked! keep us posted
...............................
|
