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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Why did she lie to me?
Q. I was dating a girl for a while and when we got together she told me she was single, now I come to find out that she would go back and forth between me and her ex boyfriend. We would be pissed about it but she tells me she wants to be with me and we ...
A. 29 July 2009: So sorry this has happened to you!!!
The path to true love never runs smooth as they say and some people are genuine and others arn't. She lied to you and you have the satisfaction of knowing that you no longer have to put up with her crap!!! ... (read in full...)
Dating again after ending a relationship
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years two days ago. He had been extremely controlling and our relationship was very rocky. I was at the point where I had completely changed for him and could not even be myself around him because he ...
A. 29 July 2009: Instead of thinking so much about dating, why not use the new connections with old friends to just go out and socialize. Arrange a few girly nights out and just enjoy yourself, or try something different by trying a new interest that will give you ... (read in full...)
My flirting has given a few guys the wrong impression, what do to?
Q. For various reasons, right now I'm very happy being single and dating here and there. But it turns out that me having a boyfriend is the only thing stopping a lot of guys I know from letting their imaginations run wild. As a few of my girlfriends ...
A. 29 July 2009: Well if you really want to avoid bad feelings amongst your friends because your flirting with them all and they are all squabbling over you...simply STOP FLIRTING!!! If you can't, then your just going to have to reap it!!!
Aunty Em x... (read in full...)
Should I keep my options open with online dating?
Q. I have tried online dating before and on one occasion thought things were going really well with one guy (we had met and been on a number of dates) so I stopped contact with all the others I was emailing. It didn’t work out with the guy I was seeing ...
A. 29 July 2009: I'd try not to over think it. You can be sure that if you are talking and wanting to date several guys at once that they themselves are probably dating other women besides you.
Internet dating works for some people and not for others, but it remai... (read in full...)
Great marriage so what's my problem?!!
Q. The first time I wrote my long, drawnout alcohol-induced (couldn't sleep) description of my problem, it didn't post, so I'm going to give the Clifs Notes version now (just looking for general advice/words of wisdom): *Married, happily, for over 5 y...
A. 27 July 2009: Its one of those situations where the only person who can make the right decision about things...is you. An uncomfortable and tantalizing situation where you could be leaping out of the frying pan into the fire!!!
For many things in our lives we... (read in full...)
My sister's been very disrespectful and I resent my mother for her reaction!
Q. I dont even know where to start.....I'am worried that i might be heading for unhapinness for ever. ok so this is the deal. I am 22 with alot on my shoulders, not because i have to but because i choose to. i have 2 jobs. so this sat i came home very ...
A. 27 July 2009: There is no doubt that siblings can be very nasty to eachother and living under your parents roof can be quite claustrophobic.
Your a young woman, you need space and privacy. Your mother probably doesn't want to take sides whilst you two are squa... (read in full...)
I'm religious and have told him I'm not taking it any further, but he still wants to try his luck. What can I do?
Q. Ok, here's what's going on. I'm mormon, age 20, a virgin. I have a bf, 21, not a virgin. I tell him my restrictions for our relationship of going to 3 months, I tell him I want to wait until marriage before I have sex, including oral, he's agreed to ...
A. 26 July 2009: Yep I think you have made the right choice for you...as Polonius said 'To thine own self be true'
Peace
Aunty Em xx... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to handle myself and my neighbor?
Q. When I moved into my neighborhood, the first woman I met was very friendly and she and her husband were out immediate next-door-neighbors. We became very cordial, and exchanged cards, did samll favors for each other, such as taking in parcels and ...
A. 23 July 2009: Hmm if it were me, I'd have to ask her outright. I'd tell her straight that the whole family had noticed her advances and then I would tell her in no uncertain terms to stop the flirting behaviour.
How obnoxious of her to assume your husband ... (read in full...)
I'm religious and have told him I'm not taking it any further, but he still wants to try his luck. What can I do?
Q. Ok, here's what's going on. I'm mormon, age 20, a virgin. I have a bf, 21, not a virgin. I tell him my restrictions for our relationship of going to 3 months, I tell him I want to wait until marriage before I have sex, including oral, he's agreed to ...
A. 23 July 2009: I think your feeling a lot of pressure from him. He knows your situation and if he really cared about you, he would respect it. You, in turn, know he has been with other women. I am a little confused as to why you would choose him for a partner, ... (read in full...)
We've got back together, but now he's acting differently! I feel lost, please help
Q. i met a guy on the internet a year and a half ago and when we first met ahh he was great the usual and clamed to love me very much , alot has gone on since we have had alot of small rows lead to big fights and even splits, we were going through a ...
A. 23 July 2009: I think you feel lost because things have not turned out the way you expected. This man is not who you think he is.
Women do this all the time in relationships. They meet someone, and their mind immediately begins to crate a perfect scenario... (read in full...)
She's dumped me 14 times, is she serious this time?
Q. My X girlfriend broke up with me in August 2005. We had been seeing each for 4 years and living with each other for 2 of those years. During 2006 we got back together a number of times. It was her doing the hiring and firing as i desperately ...
A. 15 July 2009: I think by insinuating that there is damage. She knows she has caused that damage but she is hoping you will forgive her and get back into a relationship with her.
It sounds like a sneaky trick...and how long before she gets bored again and goes... (read in full...)
The guy I'm seeing denied my facebook friend request!
Q. I've been casually seeing a guy for eight months. We had been friends on myspace (he added me), but I deleted my profile so about a month ago I tried to add him on facebook. He denied my request! He has over 100 friends so clearly he's not that ...
A. 15 July 2009: Someone who seriously loved you wouldn't do that to you. Men lie for convienience and the players will tell women they love them to keep them on the hook.
Do the smart and sassy thing...totally ignore him. Just keep your closest friends on FB or... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 15 July 2009: Well done you!!!
Your doing the right thing and I am not surprised he acted that way when you saw him. It's such selfish behaviour to go up and 'kiss and hug' a person he knows he has hurt and he knows still wants him...what a bastard!!
Like yo... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any clues as to what was going on with him because I feel totally lost and just want some closure?
Q. I have just ended a my 2 year relationship with my 36 year old boyfriend and feel very confused right now. We were in a long distance relationship. I felt he was the love of my life - he was so attentive, generous and welcomed me into his fami...
A. 12 July 2009: It sounds like a 'fade away' ending. In short, he didn't want to hurt you or look like the bad guy, so he 'adjusted' his behaviour, so that it became odd and bizarre in the hope that you would end things. The sex thing was probably your first red ... (read in full...)
I need to get closure on this mess.
Q. I really do need help. 6 years ago i split with my fiance because i felt he didnt care about me or love me very much. at the same time i was friends with another guy who i developed feelings for. i didnt do it intentionally so eventually i le...
A. 12 July 2009: Im not going to criticise you for wanting closure. It's generally something everyone needs when they have been through a traumatic event, whether it was their fault or not.
You could just write him a hand written note saying that you apologis... (read in full...)
I'm unsure...
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and I feel I am really wasting my time. Although he is good company and I can talk to him about most things, there is no romance or passion in the relationship. He has never said he loves ...
A. 12 July 2009: I think you have to decide what you really want and need. A lot of men are not forthcoming with their affections but may show you in other ways that they care. I always thought the ultimate aim for being in a relationship was to feel loved and be ... (read in full...)
He's always too tired and I feel so alone
Q. Hi, I'm so sorry this will be a long post but I'm desperate for advice... My partner have been together 3 1/2yrs and have 2 children together. When we 1st got together,I didn't realise but he didn't work-he managed to fob me off for months,moved ...
A. 12 July 2009: I am so sorry for your situation. Life is so unfair at times and it's obvious your trying your best to keep things together.
The thing is, He isn't trying at all!! and it seems there is nothing you can do about it.
We can get tied up with the... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid about my next intimate relationship
Q. I am very confused by the actions of a guy I'm trying to hook up with. He is a friend of mine and we have already slept together once, about a year ago. Things didn't work out between us at the time because I was looking for a serious relationship ...
A. 12 July 2009: From reading your post, and from an objective view, it seems that you are afraid to admit that you are head over heels for this man. You act like your not bothered, but have tried every trick in the book to get him back into your life. You are using ... (read in full...)
Will she think I'm fat?
Q. So, im kinda average size (six foot tall, 180 lbs) but a little fat. Im pretty outgoing with a great peronality and every thing. My girlfriends amazing ( i dont know how im going out with her) and we have both mentioned having sex for the first ...
A. 12 July 2009: I dont think she will think your fat as most girls and women are far to wrapped up in how they look themselves without worrying what your body is like.
I also think your a little young to be having sex, but thats just my opinion. Sex changes ... (read in full...)
He's my own personal drug and I'm addicted
Q. I fell in love with a guy who doesnt love me back. I spend the night at his house and we have sex cuddle and hang out and have fun but a couple weeks later he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend and were all good. Until I see him and I suddenly...
A. 12 July 2009: This situation you are in will continue, maybe indefinitely, or until something bigger happens in either one of your lives.
Women who love someone who doesn't love them suffer from very low self esteem and their thinking can be abstact. You may ... (read in full...)
Why does he chat with other girls?
Q. i have been in a realtionship for 2 years now, we have a baby together . LAtely i've notice that my partner has been going on tis specific chat cite. I was unforttable with it, i spoke to him he got upset ans we didnt speak to each other for 2 ...
A. 11 July 2009: Depends what they are chatting about, but in my opinion a lot of chat sites are for flirting. Online sites are risk free and convienient. Men always like to have the ego boost (women too) and chatting online is an instant fix.
Talk to him and ask ... (read in full...)
I am still seeing this man but unable to "move forward" with him...
Q. I am a 39 year old female and have 2 children. I am currently going through a divorce. I had an affair 2 years ago with my first love. I was the one who broke it off with this man years ago and seemed like a much happier person after doing ...
A. 11 July 2009: Not entirely sure what advice you want or need. You are going through divorce and the object of your affections is legally seperating from his wife...seems to be going in the right direction for you doesn't it?
You say your not moving foward, ... (read in full...)
Does he have real feelings & is scared? Or just likes the fwb thing?
Q. I have been in a friends with benifits relationship for 3 years now. we have been friend for 25 years. we spend all our free time together. every night and on weekends. he says he doesnt ever want to be in love again after a bad divorce. he knows ...
A. 10 July 2009: Maybe he is just really scared to get in too deep if he got hurt in his divorce. It's very difficult for some people to recover when they have been hurt so badly. If he has indicated that he cares about you and wants to stay in your life, well I ... (read in full...)
This random communication is hard to understand. I need your advice..
Q. I met a man a few years ago. We had instant, magnetic chemistry and it seemed very special. Since then, I have heard from him several times to check on the status of my independent research and find out how I am doing. Our communication has ...
A. 10 July 2009: It doesn't appear to be a game to me. It looks like a working casual friendship that you are somehow misinterpreting into something more because of a mild flirtation. Maybe you like him more than you are prepared to admit, and he isn't on the same ... (read in full...)
Married, but I'm in love with the other man and want to pursue that relationship.
Q. I am a 38 year old woman married for 14 to a 52 year old man. My husband has been a truck driver for the last 12 years. When we originally married he was home everyday, then everyday turned into week and now months for the last 11 years. Nine...
A. 10 July 2009: Well seems like you have all the truths before you. You obviously still love your husband, but also another man...eventually someone has to take the fall. Can this other man offer you a secure home and happiness? or is it a fools paradise. What are ... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair with a guy who has stopped contacting me! Is he over me already? Or just confused?
Q. I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. My husband has had terrible bouts with alcohol and just recently decided to go to AA. I feel he is really trying, but I hold years of resentment from the pain he has caused my family ...
A. 10 July 2009: Ok enough already with the mud throwing. Stuff like this arouses strong emotions as many people who write here have been cheated or wronged in some way, so your gonna take a few bites.
Im glad you have come to your senses over this, you obviousl... (read in full...)
Dealing with major failure
Q. I thought I would write a post about failure. I know failure is a part of life but realizing it exists and dealing with your own personal failures is very different, and the latter is sometimes impossible to get over. These past four years ...
A. 10 July 2009: I sympathise with you a great deal. Life is full of failures. None of us is born with a guide to the 'perfect' life and we just have to walk many paths before we make headway. Some paths are dead ends, but what have we lost by travelling them? a ... (read in full...)
Is my turkish man true or not?
Q. Well i met this really nice turkish man!, he truely nice but i dont know if its true or not!? i met him about 2 years ago and ever since then we have talked alot a couple of months ago he said he likes me alot and always had, he also said hes ne...
A. 9 July 2009: I think you should be extremely careful. People you meet over the internet can and do lie. I wouldn't believe him if he says he is a virgin.
It's not something most men would admit to...especially not a turkish man. I have a few girlfrie... (read in full...)
Nine days late and extremely worried!
Q. I am 9 days late for my period. I had unprotected sex which i know is stupid! I don't know what it is, but i really don't think i am pregnant! I had something extremely stressfull happen in my life roughly 4 days before i was due my period, could ...
A. 9 July 2009: Well I guess the only way your going to know for sure is to do a pregnancy test. That way you can rule out the pregnancy thing. See if CONNEXIONS is available where you live. It's a service run for young people which includes family planning. I am ... (read in full...)
Will I end up an old maid?
Q. the only guy who has ever liked in my entire life said he is moving to america with his girlfriend is that big thing .he never said how long he stay in america?only one line i am moving to america with my girlfriend to USA and no more and bye . ...
A. 9 July 2009: q1605...what a fantastic summing up to a very difficult and sad thread!!! I hope Willow takes your advice. Well done to everyone for taking the time to try and unravel the thoughts of this poor dear lady.
Love from Aunty Em (a.k.a) angie xxx... (read in full...)
Will I end up an old maid?
Q. the only guy who has ever liked in my entire life said he is moving to america with his girlfriend is that big thing .he never said how long he stay in america?only one line i am moving to america with my girlfriend to USA and no more and bye . ...
A. 9 July 2009: Well that is your opinion and your entitled to it, I guess, but I don't think it will get you anywhere.
People here have offered you insight and helpful words but I don't think you have taken anything on board which is a shame.
Whatever you ... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 9 July 2009: You absolutely cannot just blame women for sexual promiscuity. That is just not the truth. The majority of men are far more sexual, it's their inability to accept responsibility for their 'urges' that side slips the problem onto women. There is ... (read in full...)
I want to propose to her, Harry Potter style, but how?
Q. Hi! My girlfriend and I have been together for a while now (five years), since she was 19 and I was 21. And I just want to know of a nice, decent place I can propose to her at. We're both Americans still living in America with the common goal of m...
A. 8 July 2009: What about on the millenium bridge. I do believe it's featured in the movie. It's also next to the Tate Modern which has a giant spider sculpture outside, much like the spider in the earlier HP movies. You could then get the tube to see the ... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 8 July 2009: Culture has also decided that we all should all be a size zero. It's rammed down our throats everytime we open a magazine or switch on the TV...but I am a size 14, always have been, always will be. I refuse to conform.... (read in full...)
After I see my ex, for a few days I'm down and depressed. Is it that I still have feelings for him?
Q. I'm a gay guy in my thirties. I dated a guy last September; it only lasted for about 2 months, before he said it wasn't working for him. There were aspects that were not working for me as well, but I really liked the guy and enjoyed his company ...
A. 8 July 2009: It seems your clinging to the hope he will want to rekindle your relationship. It's hard to accept sometimes that some relationships can never progress beyond the 'friendship' stage.
Seems so unfair that even if we do really enjoy someones... (read in full...)
Will I end up an old maid?
Q. the only guy who has ever liked in my entire life said he is moving to america with his girlfriend is that big thing .he never said how long he stay in america?only one line i am moving to america with my girlfriend to USA and no more and bye . ...
A. 8 July 2009: Starlights is absolutely right, you need to love yourself. Having such a negative opinion of yourself will drive people away from you. People will want to offer help but if you find that you cannot lift yourself out of the unhappiness then perhaps ... (read in full...)
He's emailed old girlfriends, I'm not sure I trust him but I don't want to police him either. Help!
Q. This is the 2nd marriage for both my husband and I. Last year, I discovered emails he sent to a female he met at a ticket counter in which he described how he missed his ex and would still die for her. When confronted he said we were going through ...
A. 8 July 2009: I feel so sad for you, people who cheat seldom change and e-mail and text messaging have made it so easy for people to start illicit affairs covertly.
He says he doesn't plan to contact her, but what if she contacts him?
I think you need t... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with my husband's friends!
Q. Hi aunts, My heart is breaking.. This is a long one.. My husband and I of two years are on the brink of another seperation. We had two before only for a couple of days each and since April he's been home and we've been ok.. The problem with us ...
A. 8 July 2009: Im so sorry your going through this.
Your husband, in my opinion is an idiot. He knows that his actions with his friends is destroying your relationship and he isn't prepared to give it up. Sadly some people are stuck in eternal childhoo... (read in full...)
Are these symptoms stress related?
Q. Ok, lately I've been really hungry, tired, I have headaches and my back and stomach hurt. I've never had sex but I dont know why I have these problems? I know I cant be pregnant because I've never had sex but I'm kinda worried. I would like to know ...
A. 8 July 2009: Everything you have described sounds like anxiety. When we are anxious we release adrenaline. It's the hormone that stimulates the 'flight or fight' reaction in us.
When your stressed or anxious about something and you have a rush of adrenali... (read in full...)
Will I end up an old maid?
Q. the only guy who has ever liked in my entire life said he is moving to america with his girlfriend is that big thing .he never said how long he stay in america?only one line i am moving to america with my girlfriend to USA and no more and bye . ...
A. 8 July 2009: I dont think any of us know what will happen in the future. Loneliness is certainly a harsh thing to live with and can seem endless at times.
What is true is that while you are waiting for the love of your life to come along, you also have to ... (read in full...)
I'm mis-reading my wife's signs, what am I missing here??
Q. I can't read my wife's signs. I get home the other day and she heads upstairs to put the kids to bed. Just before leaving the room, she tells me (and shows me) that she doesn't have any underwear on. After the kids are in bed, she takes a bath. ...
A. 7 July 2009: I have no idea why she would do this, it doesn't make sense, unless she has some or other issue about her body. The most direct route brings the most truth, so ask her straight out why she is refusing your advances. I know that it's difficult to ... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair with a guy who has stopped contacting me! Is he over me already? Or just confused?
Q. I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. My husband has had terrible bouts with alcohol and just recently decided to go to AA. I feel he is really trying, but I hold years of resentment from the pain he has caused my family ...
A. 7 July 2009: Your husband is making an effort to sort out his alcohol problems and you should at least be trying to show some support. You also have your children to consider. If your truly not happy then leave and start anew. This is extremely difficult to ... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 7 July 2009: I'd like to give a female perspective on this, even though I am older. I am also reviled by how casual sex has become. I dated after I became divorced and was almost naive to the fact that so many men were just 'out for sex'. I spoke to a few people ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 3 July 2009: Really you need to avoid him completely if you can. His having feelings for you means very little. You have to face the bare facts: He could be in a relationship with you and love and care for you...but HE ISN'T!! This guy is playing around, whether ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 2 July 2009: Sounds like he's got you mixed up in a good tight bind. Treating you so well and gaining your confidence and then withdrawing and asking to be 'friends'. He was in the wrong to begin with. He started something with yoou whilst he had another girl in ... (read in full...)
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