A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 38 year old woman married for 14 to a 52 year old man. My husband has been a truck driver for the last 12 years. When we originally married he was home everyday, then everyday turned into week and now months for the last 11 years.Nine years ago we decided to have a child together. We decided he would come off the road and do something else before the child was born. It now been 8 years and of course he is still on the road. Six years ago we were having severe problems with our marriage, and I met someone. This is the only person I've be with during my marriage and was only able to get in because I was lonely.Well now its been 6 years and not only I'm I still in love with this other man, but I love him like I've never loved any man. He touches me and cause my body to spasm. He loves me too and everyone who meets us think we are married. I am with him alot more than my husband because my husband is never home. My husband knew about the affair because I told him and even told him why it happened. I ask for him to come off the road to save our marriage even my mom talk with him for years about being here for his family. He says he's used to the money, but the money didn't matter to me. We could have less material things but have our family. He's STILL on the road.Long story short, I'm in love with this other man and want to pursue our relationship. I don't want to hurt my husband but I need to move on so I can be happy, I'm not happy in my marriage and has not been since year # 6. I just don't know how to tell my DH I want him to move out or I need to move out. We have talked about separating but have never because of our child. He has admitted to having several affairs with several woman while on the road. He has admitted to using drugs when hes on the road. When he's home he is a different person. He come in, plays Santa to the kids buying them everything that they want and then hes gone for another 1-2 months.I married him when I was 24 and he was 39. He's very jealous and has always accused me of messing around from the beginning of our marriage, even though I was faithful for the first 7 years. At this point in my life I WANT TO BE HAPPY.I need some suggestions please good or bad. Thanks
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affair, drugs, jealous, money, move on, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Thanks, you just proved my point!
"Only God Can Judge Me"?
Well then since that seems to be the case from where you stand, why the hell did you ask advice for anything in the first place? Since your higher power is the authority you answer to, why even bother with us mere mortals?
You've been watching too many Lifetime TV Movies...LMAO!
Take responsibility for your actions and make sure your husband drops you off at your boyfriend's house and look at his face when he tells your Knight In Shining Corduroy:
"She's your problem now".
Best of luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGrimm Reality,
I am not making excuses about my situation. This situation is what it is. I love someone else. I did not ask for your advice on cheating I ask for advise on telling my husband I'm leaving.
And you said GROW UP!! Well that's exactly what I've done over the last 14 years of being married to someone who is never physically here for me or my children.
The difference in me and my husband is that I have been here. I have been the one to raise my children who are now grown except for my 7 year old.
And yes we did both cheat and marriages can make it through cheating I know this because I forgive him the first 2 times even though I was faithful.
The thing is I'm tied of all the other crap. I can't list everything that has happened in 14 yrs. But I can say that when I met and married my husband I was 24 and he was 39. He'd done all the things that young people do, but I did not realize this until I wanted to live my life also. I didn't realize that I couldn't have friends come over without and attitude. That I could not go out for girls night out without my husband accusing me of seeing someone else. These are things I did before the marriage and did not know that this would change 3 yrs into the marriage.
So I take my blame for having an affair. I was even willing to try again several times before I had an affair. The affair turned out to be the love of my life and I want out of my marriage that's why I'm asking for advise, NOT JUDGMENTS, you see only GOD can Judge me.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 July 2009):
Give me a break! (since my first response didnt make it through the mods...wonder why...lol. LETS TRY THIS AGAIN WITH FEELING!)All this justification is total hogwash. Make all the excuses you want but at the end of the day since you cheated as well as your husband you are no different from him. Marriage takes commitment. Be honest with yourself and your husband and grow up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQ1605,
You are correct in so many ways. Until Real Estate starting changing I was making very good money myself. I paid the bills, brought the kids close and paid his moms mortgage. My money situation did not change until October 2008. And yes Plan B started out as a stand in for my husband. My husband has been a truck driver for 24 years. There are some things that drivers do on the road that wives and non-truckers dont know about.
My husband being away from home so long enabled me to get closer to my boyfriend and to rely on him to do the things that needed to be done, like fix things in my house, work on my kids cars, take me out on wonderful dates and show me the love I was missing and longed for.
When I started cheating with my friend it was just supposed to be a little fun for both of us. He had just came out of a divorce and I was lonely. When the first year went by we just continued to see each other and the fun turned into real feelings and then into love.
It was easy the way things were I do admit this. At the time my children were all under 18 and I didn't want to uproot their lives. I could see my boyfriend and enjoy him and still be the perfect wife to those on the outside. He was content with seeing me when we could and I was consent with my situation at home.
Now things have changed. Since Dec. he's been telling me that he wants more, he wants to live with me and to be a family ( We both have 8 yr olds). He wants me to be True to him only. I know I can be happy with him and don't want to lose him. I just don't know how to tell my husband that I want to move on without him doing something (not physically) to hurt me. He can be very nasty, he took his first wife kids for 1 year without her knowing where they were. This is one of the reasons I've stayed so long, I was scared he would take my daughter to another State. This no longer scares me since I got a divorce lawyer a year ago who told me there is no way I would lose my child to him in court.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do still love my husband for all the things he has shown me and done for me during the last 14yrs. See there is a big difference in age. And of course with the type of trucking driver he is, he makes very good money but has to gone from home 1-21/2 months. He comes home 2 weeks and is gone ago. I can say over the years of our marriage he has lavished me with all sorts of gifts. It took me a while to realize the gifts were to keep me looking to him.
My boyfriend has his own place and is very secure with himself. We have been honest about all things including my relationship with my husband and the way I feel about him. I have even tried to break the relationship off several times because of the guilt I had, but we could not stay away from each other. He loves me with the type of Love everyone can see. He knows all my close family members and they like him and loves the way he treats me and loves me.
I told my DH within weeks of starting the relationship with my friend. He stated he wanted to work things out, that he would forgive me and then he left me once again. Don't get me wrong I know he need to work, but there are so many other things he could be doing with his truck. I know several truckers who are home either every weekend or every other week. To me he has chosen his truckers life over me and our family.
He still wants to give it one more try, but I don't think its sincere and it's too late. He has done so many drastic things to hurt me over the years. He has tried to get me put out of our home, took my daughter out of town without me knowing just to hurt me. He made me feel like I was the only one that messed up, he gives me dirty looks, listen in on my phone calls with relatives and bring up things I said during the conversation weeks later when I don't even remember who I was talking to or about.
I just found out 2 months ago about 12 times he cheated on me with different women in his truck during a all truth conversation. He accused me of being with 4 different men and neither of them are who I was seeing. The jealousy is way higher than normal, and now I know its because he was cheating on me since the 2nd year of our marriage.
The thing is I'm tied of this, if no one was involved I would feel the same way. My husband has told me he wants me to be the girl he married, but I'm not 25 anymore I have grown up to be a 38 years old Woman with my own mind.
I want to be happy and my husband just don't do it for me anymore. I don't think he wants to be here either but I do know he loves me in his own way, if only because I'm the mother of his only daughter.
My boyfriend does it for me, 6 years and his touch still send chills down my body.
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A
female
reader, Discover me +, writes (10 July 2009):
you cant have both guys its just not right. many children grow up with separated parents its okay to do. your husband really isnt there for you or your children obviously you only have on guy when hes had several different women AND did drugs. he doesnt seem like a verry good person id say separate stay civil for you child/childrens sake and move in with the other guy because your current husban would have no where else to go. and the reson why hes staying on the rode is because he honestly doesnt love you or doesnt like being around you. you really really dont need that in your life. your husband doesnt deserve you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Well seems like you have all the truths before you. You obviously still love your husband, but also another man...eventually someone has to take the fall. Can this other man offer you a secure home and happiness? or is it a fools paradise. What are the realities of setting up a new home with him?...is it practical, does he love you?
If your husband refuses to make changes, he must know he risks losing you?...is this what he wants? Is he loving towards you when he is home? Maybe he wants things to end but just wants you to make the break. Giving up his job is probably more difficult than you could imagine. If it's all he knows then at least he brings home the bacon!!! But admitting to affairs and drug taking is giving you signals not to trust him...so no wonder your confused?
If he knows about your affair and he hasn't done anything to pull you back...then maybe he really does want things to end...you could maybe ask him this?
Leaving a marriage is difficult and heartbreaking,in some cases its majorly expensive and takes years to get over...but you only get one life...if you can have a happier one thats secure and loving with a new man then maybe it's time to leave.
In the face of losing you, it seems your husband cannot rise to the challenge of saving things...that is so sad.
It's your choice it seems!!!
with love
Aunty Em xxx
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