A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:the only guy who has ever liked in my entire life said he is moving to america with his girlfriend is that big thing .he never said how long he stay in america?only one line i am moving to america with my girlfriend to USA and no more and bye . that is so unfair i have no body i can never have boyfriend because i keep rejected.is that big thing moving to another country with his girlfriend does that marriage is next.it so unfair i never had a boyfriend he was the nearest thing a boyfriend i ever had,even when he did like he never said i was girlfriend. may be i was meant to be alone and unloved because that all that seem happen to me.i am 30+ years i never had boyfriend because i have huted so much and rejected i don,t can people live there whole with ever having sexual relationship or ever having sexual affection because that what i to face any advice on how to cope being alone for the rest of my life.so can i live with out have any sexual relationship or sexual affection in to my 80s is that possible.its only choice i have open to me,is that possible for someone (female) to be rejected all there life with ever having boyfriend ,kissing,affection,hug ,sex[mod note: combined 2 questions into one from the same poster]
View related questions:
never had a boyfriend, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 For those aunts interested in the history here, I've got a link for you to read:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-guys-boast-about-there-so-called.html
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 q1605...what a fantastic summing up to a very difficult and sad thread!!! I hope Willow takes your advice. Well done to everyone for taking the time to try and unravel the thoughts of this poor dear lady.
Love from Aunty Em (a.k.a) angie xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
My mistake, Willow has just told me that she is NOT dyslexic. I apologize, Willow, I thought you had told me that you were a while back when we were discussing this same topic, about your situation. I must have not remembered correctly, perhaps it's a sign that I'm getting older?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
Well, that is what Willow herself told me, and I don't see any reason not to believe her there. But then I have no experience in that arena, Eyes.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
 Are you sure Tish? I've dealt with dyslexics and her posts look like angry typing mixed with bad English .
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
It was GinsengMeow's excellent response that made me feel the need to expose "Willow". I hate it when an aunt spends their precious time with a very well-thought out response all for naught.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
Willow, I don't think it can hurt at all to let people know that you are dyslexic, which is one of the challenges you face in life. Just so people understand why the letters sometimes are jumbled around in the words.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
What I find very odd is that she never actually answers any of our questions. Well she did once for me, but then quit and wound up in exactly the same place, obviously. Instead, we wind up at "you just don't understand." But I don't see her trying to answer our questions, we just get the repetitive rant/hate men/hate a specific man. Did you read GinsengMeow's contribution to this thread? That was brilliant. And yet she completely ignored the excellent points he made. Didn't answer a single one of his questions or apply his examples to her situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
Understand how she feels??? Hell, I can barely understand what she WRITES!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
We are having an interesting little set of PMs back and forth, Eyes. The basic thing is that no one (including me) can understand how she feels. Which I will grant. Feelings are individual, after all. But what you do with them and how you throw them at people, that you can control and all I can say is that negativity begets negativity.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
Watch out Tish, you'll get hate mail like I just did, ZOWIE this little gal is mighty angry!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
UPDATE: The poster hates the entire male RACE (I thought it was a gender) and yours truly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
Once she can understand that the change has to happen from within herself, that's when she can move forward. But right now, that negativity, anger and hate is keeping anyone who might be a friend far away from Willow. (That's my nickname for her, Willow.)
You never respond to what people ask you, Willow, you always end with a rant about how awful people are to you, especially this guy. We all try to help, you reject us just the same way you think you are being rejected. You are mean to us and you yell at us and you ignore us. You are doing what you think he did to you, to all of us, the aunts here who have tried to help you. You push us away, you stomp and scream 'no no no nonoononononnoooooo I don't want help people are all awful all awful' and yet, here we are, people willing to try to listen to you, to try to engage you in conversation. What do we get? Rejection, anger, and the cold shoulder. Look in the mirror, you are behaving just as badly as you think he did to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): eyeswideopen mind your own bussiness i don,t know why anouty anunt your cold fish.he hurted my feeliing may you don,t have any feelings but i do
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 July 2009):
This lovely lady shows up on DC every couple months with that same old rant. Best let her just stew.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 July 2009):
Well that is your opinion and your entitled to it, I guess, but I don't think it will get you anywhere.
People here have offered you insight and helpful words but I don't think you have taken anything on board which is a shame.
Whatever you decide to do...it's entirely your call, and I hope you find some peace with yourself.
Aunty Em xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): he let on he was still in pain me not rejection him ,and he,ll
never over me while all the time with some one else.
he trick me in to feeling guilty then he got nasty and hurt be did n,t say sorry like the rest of them.they all the same .
i hate them and always will HATE HATE HATE HATE THE MALE RACE.
SELFISH ,SHALLOW,CRUEL AND CALLOUS.
and lot girls out there who will agree with me who has being dumped, reject,teated like door mat, treated like dirt,
guys are selfish end of story
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): i haven,t got self pity just sick of lking assholes and 99.9% of them are irish men who only care about them self.not one gave fuck about me not one.incl that guy obviously does n,t fuck about me either only new tramp.i though he,d be the one guy who would n,t hurt me .he would n,t be like the others but he worse then others.i am nice girl who get treated like piece of dirt all the time by them,he called me a bitch and i did nothing to him.he gave me a hard time too.but i didn,t call me nay names.any time i asked how he was he avoid my question.
he never ever asked how i was keeping .i send him Christmas card and he never even said thanks.i was always nice to him and he stabs in back.
every single guy i came contact with i suffered rejection.now to finish me off.all he ever said was take care.i told him how unhappy i was all .do you know what he said "i am moving to america with my girlfreind take care"
not as much as you,ll be alright.thing might improve just cut me off at the knees.
so guys are really scum towards even at school they bulled me and treated me like a fool i was the smartest in the class.shy,quiet,
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Then it's time for you to go hide in a cave. There is no further contribution anyone can make to (help) your self-pity.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): well hear the i am sick of trying get broken.that guy 4 more more rejected so i am not going bother with me i am going bother with them,they hate me and i hate them case closed
blokes are selfish prick always will be and he one example of it.i ccan give you loads.guys are two faced liars as well.shallow,two faced,selfish liars.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Your mistakes are apparent in your outlook in life. You drown yourself in the misery of rejection and continue to spiral down the abyss of self-pity, but do nothing to upgrade yourself. You continue to let your negative feelings swallow you deeper and deeper, seeking an empathetic ear to vent to. Do you believe progression and advancement in science, romance, society and wisdom can ever be attained by sitting still and doing nothing but repeatedly say, "No one loves me. Life sucks. I refuse to do anything to 'better' myself. I hate men." - and repeat?
Cause and effect.
You want something? Then you'll need to find a way to get it.
Example 1:
I am an avid cyclist. I want a nice road bike that can take me across Canada, from the west to the east. However, I do not have much money and I have other financial obligations.
What can I do? I can sit here and day dream about riding around the world, or I can work more and diligently persist to find more projects to do to pay for my expensive hobby.
-----
Example 2:
I am slender and pale looking. Most women are not lured in by me. Therefore, they will never find the 'real' me. This brings my confidence down and I avoid contact with women to give myself the illusion I don't have the opportunity with women.
I can either continue to pretend nothing is wrong and that is the 'right' path to go on, or try to go to the gym more often, work on the 'right' muscle groups, eat more healthy, start off with carb and protein shakes, go outside more and work on the sports I am good at. Over time, not only would I feel better about myself, but the entire 'women are not interested' mentality won't be an issue anymore. I would work on myself because it feels good. Everything else is a bonus or a reward.
-----
Example 3:
I have no friends, but I want someone to hang with and have talks with. However, I don't want to go through the trouble of finding friends. Friends are still capable of hurting me. Plus, I don't want to change my bad attitude and I don't have any hobbies. I don't want to get new hobbies. 'Friends' should accept me for who I am.
I can either 1) continue to make excuses and justify why I don't have friends or 2) upgrade my thoughts and my abilities which would have a positive effect on my mentality and will add to my personality. Which in turn, would attract like-minds to me. Which would create opportunities for new friendships.
=====
Cause and effect. You choose your own battles. If you sit there screaming and venting about your own issues, but do nothing and still make the same mistakes you keep making, then you are a cause not worth the effort.
Would you not think for a moment, that the world has more people in it than the small world you experienced? Would you not be aware that there is a broad and infinite range of personalities that would work out, than the limited number you've had?
The world is vast. You just have to open your eyes a little wider. Step back if you need to.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): working on my self is pointless.i really liked the guy.i told him l liked and he fogged off like it was nothing.he nothing but girlfriend,i can even get one guy to like me.so whats the point making the best of life i hate life .i got nothing but trouble from from life.the guys i like are selfish,mean,shallow ,cold, heartless bastard the only care about them and what good looking girls they can have girlfriends so they can boast about it to there friends.
i mean nothing no body.i liked lot of guys where i made effort and no avail but rejection me have broken and broken spirited.
my spirited is broken.i spend all my so called repairing my heart.now i am going keep away from blokes altogether.
like very far away.blokes are just pricks.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 July 2009):
Starlights is absolutely right, you need to love yourself. Having such a negative opinion of yourself will drive people away from you. People will want to offer help but if you find that you cannot lift yourself out of the unhappiness then perhaps its time to speak to a counsellor.
There must be something that you cherish in life? something you care about and that gives you enjoyment. Try to build on that.
Having a man in your life isn't everything, believe me, I have had a few relationships and they never worked out. It's not all it's cracked up to be...but you have to make the best of your life.
Wishing you were dead will solve nothing. Make a small change and see where it takes you.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): any other answers according what i am asking
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): They key for you is positivity.
Think the best of yourself and others.
gain confidence.
socialise and get hobbies.
Work on your appearance.
soon the inner you will glow out and this is very attractive! trust me!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): i want no more to do blokes no more never again.i am cursed to end up along.the only guy who liked me proves that fact.my father and mother don,t care about my lack happiness and health.i have never had a boyfriend and never even got my first i rather be dead its easier .i have nothing to live for no friends,no job,no social life.no body to talk any day.only my mother.o body to email even.i go to sports club where i am not wanted ether.its not fair on me.i told this guy how unhappy do you what he said to me take care......................he didn,t give dam about me.none one guy ever showed conered about me not one.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): any more answers to help me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (8 July 2009):
 it is very hard when one gets rejected.
but dont let this 1 experience put you off love for life.
firstly you mustn't think bad of yourself.
just becoz u never had a full relationship with a partner, this is your course in life,
& everyone follows different paths in their life.
your still young, & 30 + isnt that old,
if u believe in yourself, look after yourself and love yourself,
someone will see that and love you.
dont give up,
keep going, and remember love yourself, respect yourself, and dont think too much of falling in love, when u least expect it love arrives.
good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 July 2009):
I dont think any of us know what will happen in the future. Loneliness is certainly a harsh thing to live with and can seem endless at times.
What is true is that while you are waiting for the love of your life to come along, you also have to get on with your day to day life. The good news is that it can be filled with many wonderful things. Travel, friends, pets, wonderful art and literature, family, gardening, great food, nature, arts and crafts, taking a lovely walk...the list is endless for enjoyment.
Exposing yourself to lots and lots of different activities will bring you into contact with lots of different people, even doing an evening class or walking the dog. Learn to embrace your alone times too. I have had many alone times over the last 5 years...and they are the times when you are most in touch with your inner self.
You cannot make love happen, but you can enjoy your life and surroundings. Money doesn't really come into it either. I earn a lowish wage, but still manage to enjoy lots of stuff...and there are many things I wouldn't dream of giving up for the sake of a partner.
Rejection is something we all have to cope with at some time or other...it is positively wretched and constant rejection can make us doubt ourselves...but everyone has value. There are many things you can be a success at, without a partner coming into it. A good cook, A good friend,A good gardener, A good listener, even a good sports fan...loads and loads of things. Try to embrace those things that you feel positive about and work on adding to those skills. You will spend less time thinking about having a partner and more time living and enjoying your life.
Nothing in life is certain...but life is definitely worth the living.
With love
Aunty Em xx
...............................
|
