A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here's what's going on. I'm mormon, age 20, a virgin. I have a bf, 21, not a virgin. I tell him my restrictions for our relationship of going to 3 months, I tell him I want to wait until marriage before I have sex, including oral, he's agreed to help me keep it that way. But then he turns around and turns me on just to see my reactions to it and hear the sounds I make. But lately he's been going farther than just kissing like, unhooking my bra from under my shirt, to lifting my shirt so it rests on my shoulders from behind and barely covers my front, to claiming that he didn't know his hands were attempting to fondle my breasts and appologize. If I show him my breasts or let him touch and kiss and suck them, isn't it just going to lead to sex? One step at a time right? I'm his third gf, his first two he's done it with a lot and hasn't had any for the year he didn't know me.So hears the question, is he just with me to get some selfsatisfaction? He does this whenever we are in a room alone after we're done playing video games and are just talking or watching a movie.He says that if I don't want him to, he won't, but then he asks me to sleep over for the weekend when no one else is going to be home and even invited my sister and her bf to help me feel more comfortable when they have frequent sex, no my sister is not in this religion.What do you think I should do in this situation? I'm nervous about it all and confused. Please help me come to a good conclusion.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Here to help, but this may sting a bit.
First, you call your self a Mormon. Then why are you dating a non-Mormon? You know that your religion heavily discourages that. So I have to ask, what are your intentions with this guy?
Second, what is your definition of sex? Most people would define kissing and touching women's breasts as sex. You're practically already doing it, girl! You just haven't finished up!
Third, this guy has a track record of doing girls, then leaving them. Why do you think you're going to be any different? Seriously, why?
Fourth, "is he just with me to get self satisfaction?" Oh wow. Every thing about him and your relationship with him screams, Of course! Men are hard wired for sex, sex, sex, if you want to turn that in to love for you, you can't give him what he wants, not one bit. If you do, he'll be satisfied and move on. Just like he did with girlfriends #1 & #2.
But it sounds like I'm too late, you said you two have agreed to "no more biting or sucking etc". So you're already half way there, and I guarantee you'll be doing the full meal deal with him soon. He will wear away at your resolve and some time in the very near future, your mind will be saying no, but your body will scream yes, and you'll give in. Millions before you have given in the same way, and you'll just be the next sad, sorry girl.
Need any help, I'm here for you.
Joel Kimball
joel(at)kimballmedia period com
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 Yep I think you have made the right choice for you...as Polonius said 'To thine own self be true'
Peace
Aunty Em xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much guys. We've decided to slow things down ALOT, no more biting or sucking etc. And you're probably right, I'm probably choosing between my heart and mind, but I think I made the right choice and wait.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (25 July 2009):
 First point: Having a good fondle doesn't have to lead to sex if you don't let it. How do you think most young people start out? My first fondle was when I was 15, I didn't lose my virginity for two years after that. You're right that it's one step at a time, and congrats girl, you got to step two.Second point: The fact that you think it will lead to sex suggests that you won't regret it until afterwards. Are you abstaining because it's what you want or what you feel you should do, whether you like it or not? Sex before marriage ain't a sin, it's a choice, and you've gotta choose what you want, not what you feel you have to.Third point: That's probably what your boyfriend thinks. He thinks you are afraid of something wonderful and he doesn't want you to miss out. And he does care about you as a. you spend a lot of time together doing other stuff (DVDs, video games etc.) and b. he said he would abstain if you really wanted him to. He wouldn't stick around if that's all he wanted. He wanted to invite your sister round to make you more comfortable with the idea because you have no reason to be afraid of it. Maybe he wanted you to see how happy it made them.I think you're having to choose between your head and your heart on this one. We can't make the choice for you, but hopefully we've given you some insight into what it is that you want. Come back and tell us what you chose =]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Talk to your bishop. If your religious views are important to you, then he's the best person to ask for advice, not us.
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A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (23 July 2009):
Gidday,
It seems as though you are torn between your natural physical desires and your religion.
If you are having doubts about whether you can maintain your committment to your faith then it may be worth having a chat to someone from your church or praying so you can keep gain some clarity.
You say "he turns around and turns me on just to see my reactions to it and hear the sounds I make. But lately he's been going farther than just kissing like, unhooking my bra from under my shirt, to lifting my shirt so it rests on my shoulders from behind and barely covers my front, to claiming that he didn't know his hands were attempting to fondle my breasts and appologize", I don't believe he is the only one responsible for this. It takes two for this to occur and this is why I assume you may be having doubts or struggling with the Mormon ways. He only gets this far, if you allow it.
Showing him your breasts, letting him touch, kiss and suck them is certainly going to tempt you and him to go further and could be seen by him as teasing.
He is doing this because he likes it and hopes it will lead to sex. If you are wondering if he is trying to get sex out of you and then end it, I don't think he'd be hanging around for so long. But then again, this is only my view.
It sounds to me like you know what is expected from you by the Mormon church, yet you are enjoying this experience with him. I personally see nothing wrong with it and nothing wrong with having sex with him. This is your call to make.
I suggest you have a long think about what you are wanting. I would take time away to think so your decision is made without the confusion and romance.
I would then explain to your bf how you have had some deep thought and let him know what your decision is. If you decide to stay loyal to your faith then you need to explain that you will only be having sex when you marry. This way you are being upfront and letting him know where he stands. He then has a choice as to whether he wants to continue with the relationship. You could ask him to support you by refraining from touching you. I would tell him you're not rejecting him just remaining faithful to your religion.
If you continue as you have been, it is only going to make it harder for you to maintain your committment and will give him mixed messages which is unfair.
He may attempt this again and it'll probably take a couple of firm no's from you because you have been giving him confusing signals. If he respects you, he will stop.
Good luck, and I hope you make the right decision for you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2009):
I think your feeling a lot of pressure from him. He knows your situation and if he really cared about you, he would respect it. You, in turn, know he has been with other women. I am a little confused as to why you would choose him for a partner, when your views on sex are so different. Really, if your true to your religious edict, you must at some point expect him to ask you to marry him?...Are things moving in that direction?...or do you think you might decide at some point to have sex before marriage.
One thing I know for sure is the single act of having sex with someone will not make them marry you. In fact for a lot of people, having sex too soon can end a relationship abruptly, as for a man, sex is not connected with emotion.
He is pushing you, by being sexual with you, because he hopes you will give in to him. He needs this for his own personal satisfaction. Even if he is really into you, he still needs to score to feel good about himself.
Examine how you feel away from him? Is it possible that you will feel happier with someone else who respects your views and religious beliefs? Is it possible that you will feel you let yourself down if you 'give in' to a man who may even dump you after you have given in?...or do you imagine it will all end in marriage anyway?
Weigh it up as an individual. Decide what is best for you and your future happiness.
I have to say I admire your views and I hope, whatever you decide to do, that you still have peace within you.
Good Luck
Aunty Em xx
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