A
female
age
51-59,
*ebbles1221`
writes:I have been in a friends with benifits relationship for 3 years now. we have been friend for 25 years. we spend all our free time together. every night and on weekends. he says he doesnt ever want to be in love again after a bad divorce. he knows when my son is grown in 3 more years i want to live with someone. he has said he wants us to live together and has told my older son that.i am confused cause he says we are only friends but that he will be with me for as long as i want him. my question is does he have real feelings for me and just scared or he just wants the fwb thing.
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female
reader, pebbles1221` +, writes (17 July 2009):
pebbles1221` is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor all the great answers
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): I don't know about this. If he can't call you his partner in life, if he can't tell you he loves you after three years then he may not. He is settling into a no strings relationship for you possibly for financial reasons, he doesn't want to divide his assets yet again at his age if it should not work out.
I would try telling him what you want, that you want to find happily ever after and that you understand if he isn't ready, but that he can't have you all to himself until and if he decides and that you will be dating other men. You can reassure him that you will be sexually faithful to him, but that you want to stay on your path to finding a man who will step up and tell you that you are the one he wants to be with, then stop seeing him everyday and do just that and start "dating". He doesn't have to like it and the realization that he may lose you forever to someone else might give him the motivation to tell you how he really feels and if he doesn't then he is not the man for you anyway.
Love requires expression and action....and committment, what do you want, a roommate?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): News flash! You ARE in a relationship. I think what he is actually scared of is giving it a name. Apart from the logistics of moving in together what would actually change if you two became a 'couple'? In my opinion the feelings you have for someone are not defined by what you call them but he must think if he keeps it casual he wont get hurt. However I imagine if all this was to end tomorrow Im sure he would be just as devastated as when he got his divorce!I totally understand your frustration if you want to make things official. Have you actually talked to him about this? Maybe hes not 100% sure about what you want? If you are worried about scaring him off then you need to decide if you can live with the way things are or need to move on. The fact that you're writing on here though suggests you are running out of patience!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Maybe he is just really scared to get in too deep if he got hurt in his divorce. It's very difficult for some people to recover when they have been hurt so badly. If he has indicated that he cares about you and wants to stay in your life, well I think it's worth a shot. There are much stranger relationships out there and if you both get on and your happy with it, then give him a chance...things may change for the better in the future.
Best of luck
Aunty Em xxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I think the question you should be asking is "what do I want?". If you want more than he's willing to give, then I guess you have your answer. It's up to you whether you are willing to settle for less than what you truly desire.
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A
female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (10 July 2009):
 the only way to for sure know is to ask him.tell him that u know wat his been through and stuff and tell him that he either wants to be wit u or ur gonna leave.cuz i know for sure that u and ur son want to have a family and i know that u want to be more then friends wit him so tell him how u feel and tell him that u feel like the realationship can get into something closer and more and if he feels like he wants to be just friends wit benifets then u have to choose if u want just friends wit benefits or more then that good luck
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