A
male
age
51-59,
*upercutie
writes:I'm a gay guy in my thirties.I dated a guy last September; it only lasted for about 2 months, before he said it wasn't working for him. There were aspects that were not working for me as well, but I really liked the guy and enjoyed his company so after a break of around 3 months I contacted him and we agreed to meet up as friends.I've seen him a couple of times since as friends, and each time we've met we have both had a really good time together.However it is always me contacting him and asking if he wants to meet up he never initiates contact, but he always replies when I contact him.This is all well and good but the thing is after seeing him I always feel down, depressed and upset for a few days afterwards. But I'm not really sure why.The only thing I can think of is I still have feelings for him deep down, and would like more than just friendship with him.What do you guys think I should do?Many thanks x
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male
reader, supercutie +, writes (12 July 2009):
supercutie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,Thanks for both of your really kind encouraging replies they really have helped me to get come clarification and make some decisions about the situation.I've decided to not make any contact with him for the foreseeable future. You are right about the power thing, the more I think about it, every time we met it was on his terms, when it was good for him. Unless I'm treated as an equal a friendship is not going to work. Maybe we will become friends in time, maybe we will never become friends, who knows what the future holds.I can fully identify with what you said Aunty EM about seeing an X out with a new boyfriend. When my first relationship ended it really did break my heart, I continued to see him as a "friend" afterwards but each time I met with him I was thinking maybe we can get back together, of course that was never going to happen!Then he met somebody else, my inner thought was "you dumped me for him" he was a weedy really shrill camp guy! Eventually I said to myself why are you putting yourself through this misery? So when I did meet up again, I got pretty upset and basically told him a few home truths, and just walked out of the bar. I didn't contact him again for well over a year. We are now friends, we're not the closest of friends, but when we do see each other we have an enjoyable time together.So time is a good healer.A big hug to you both! xx
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 July 2009):
 It seems your clinging to the hope he will want to rekindle your relationship. It's hard to accept sometimes that some relationships can never progress beyond the 'friendship' stage.
Seems so unfair that even if we do really enjoy someones company and get on with them, that it somehow cannot develop into a true and loving relationship. Ive been there myself...and Ive done all the chasing before...not because I am needy or clingy...but simply because I was convinced that there 'just had to be' something more. You are not alone and don't feel bad.
If you are seeking a way to recover, then it's best to break all contact. So desperately hard and upsetting in the initial stages, but as each day passes, it gets easier.
If you continue to 'meet' him, your just going to become more and more disheartened. Don't put yourself through it honey. After a month of not contacting him you will feel much more in control. It's probably a good idea to avoid places that your likely to run into him.
I read somewhere that having 'no contact' with your ex is a gift you give to yourself...it's very true and you can reduce the heartbreak by simply staying away.
I actually think the 'friends with the ex is a bad idea in general. I have tried it myself and had to watch as the guy went off and 'got happy' with a new girlfriend, it seriously killed me but I cut off completely and now a month later, I am back on top.
Please let me know how you get on and if you need the link to a great article about this, just drop me a line.
Good Luck and strength for the future
Aunty Em xxxx
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