A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts,My heart is breaking.. This is a long one.. My husband and I of two years are on the brink of another seperation. We had two before only for a couple of days each and since April he's been home and we've been ok.. The problem with us was basically his friends.. Everytime they pick him up from work they would go and drink, he was spending too much money and staying out until the next morning. WE argued constantly and finally seperated.. Now it's been a quiet few months but because of a little issue, he's called me from work to say that he's fed up of living a lie and he wants his friends back and he's going to start going out with them again. He said that it was all my fault and that his friends are good people and he wants them back.This man has never done any thing with my friends, I used to lime with his all the time until I fell out with them. We have a baby whose 1 year and my biggest fear is him being around them. These are men and one woman that has no life, spends all their times in bars, drinks until they cant walk etc.. I think at this point I am so hurt by the fact that he said all these hurtful things to me that I am fed up of him and his one way mind. I never told him not to lime.. It was just the amount he was doing was becoming a detriment to us and our finances and I couldn't take it anymore. But I still love him, I just don't know that I can be with him anymore. There are so many things I could write to show my side but It would be a book.. But I'm fearful for my son because I don't want him to grow up around them.. What should I do?
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female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (9 July 2009):
It sounds to me like he is very immature and that it would be best for you and your son to cut his worthless ass loose if he wants to stop living a lie and be with his drunk friends then so be it why should you stand in his way. What he is saying is that you are trying to change him and that he doesnt want to change for you or even his son. Your son doesnt have to grow up around them if you would leave him alone why are you doing this to yourself you cant blame him anymore for your misery because he has told you straight up i dont want you and i dont want to live with you put his stuff out and change your number and let this bum go so he can get a DUI and end up in jail calling you for bail money you sound like your head is on straight but how many chances are you going to give him before enough is enough. GET A SPINE AND SEND HIS BUTT TO THE BAR FOR GOOD....GOOD LUCK LIL MAMA....
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 Im so sorry your going through this.
Your husband, in my opinion is an idiot. He knows that his actions with his friends is destroying your relationship and he isn't prepared to give it up. Sadly some people are stuck in eternal childhood. They won't face up to their responsibilities (even if they have children and a loving partner). You, up to now have tolerated this lifestyle. Your previous seperations have only been maintained for a very short time and they taught him absolutely nothing. The reason why he hasn't learned, is because he knows you will get back with him and he can carry on right where he left off.
If this is really hurting you and you are determined to try to put things right, you have to get deadly serious!!
You have a responsibility to your child, to provide a stable home that doesn't expose him to scumbags (your husbands friends) You can achieve this on your own or with your husband (if he cleans up his act).
I would ask him to leave, or you leave. Look for a place of your own or stay with family. Stay somewhere that you know you can live for a long time. Your husband has to know what life is like without you. Tell him that he absolutely must change his lifestyle if you two are going to have a happy marriage.
If he refuses to change (even after you have split) I would call it a day. There is absolutely no sense remaining in a relationship where you get treated so badly. Nobody on earth needs that!!!
Think carefully about your future and what path it could take and then drop the ultimate ultimatum on him.
Hopefully he will see sense and want to save his family. If he doesn't...then he's a no good loser.
I hope you work it out
Aunty Em x
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