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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 15 July 2009: Well done you!!!
Your doing the right thing and I am not surprised he acted that way when you saw him. It's such selfish behaviour to go up and 'kiss and hug' a person he knows he has hurt and he knows still wants him...what a bastard!!
Like yo... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair with a guy who has stopped contacting me! Is he over me already? Or just confused?
Q. I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. My husband has had terrible bouts with alcohol and just recently decided to go to AA. I feel he is really trying, but I hold years of resentment from the pain he has caused my family ...
A. 10 July 2009: Ok enough already with the mud throwing. Stuff like this arouses strong emotions as many people who write here have been cheated or wronged in some way, so your gonna take a few bites.
Im glad you have come to your senses over this, you obviousl... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 9 July 2009: You absolutely cannot just blame women for sexual promiscuity. That is just not the truth. The majority of men are far more sexual, it's their inability to accept responsibility for their 'urges' that side slips the problem onto women. There is ... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 8 July 2009: Culture has also decided that we all should all be a size zero. It's rammed down our throats everytime we open a magazine or switch on the TV...but I am a size 14, always have been, always will be. I refuse to conform.... (read in full...)
I'm mis-reading my wife's signs, what am I missing here??
Q. I can't read my wife's signs. I get home the other day and she heads upstairs to put the kids to bed. Just before leaving the room, she tells me (and shows me) that she doesn't have any underwear on. After the kids are in bed, she takes a bath. ...
A. 7 July 2009: I have no idea why she would do this, it doesn't make sense, unless she has some or other issue about her body. The most direct route brings the most truth, so ask her straight out why she is refusing your advances. I know that it's difficult to ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me because of my friendship with other girls. Any advice?
Q. I have been seeing this girl for almost a year. We were never exclusive but we were dating and over the past three months, we were very serious. In fact,we went out several times a week. Well, back at the end of may, she went out with friends and ...
A. 7 July 2009: Stupid stupid games!!!! Forgive me but arn't you both a little old for this?? Ridiculous tit for tat arguing and little while lies are for teenagers. If you cannot commit to her then let her go, or at least give her some space that she can date ... (read in full...)
How can I keep continuing our flirty friendship without seeming too interested?
Q. Okay, here goes: I was dating a girl that I was a really good friend with. We knew each other for a year and a half before that time. Her kids love me to death and mine love her and her kids. Well, about March of this year we started to activ...
A. 7 July 2009: Hmmm I'm not sure I am liking this at all. Your leading this girl on and not being entirely truthful.
Women are emotional creatures who need love. They will act like they are not concerned about a relationship, when really they long to be adored a... (read in full...)
We're both married, but I think there is an attraction between us. What to do...or not do?
Q. I am writing to ask your opinion about my friendship with a married man. I am married also, and over the last couple of years we have become quite friendly. We only see each other about once a week very briefly at school to say a few words, and we e...
A. 7 July 2009: What are you kidding???... Your both married and you arn't sure how he feels???
Leave it well alone and let it die...Your just building up a store of misery for yourself. Thank god you have a loving husband...you may never get another, and leas... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair with a guy who has stopped contacting me! Is he over me already? Or just confused?
Q. I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. My husband has had terrible bouts with alcohol and just recently decided to go to AA. I feel he is really trying, but I hold years of resentment from the pain he has caused my family ...
A. 7 July 2009: Your husband is making an effort to sort out his alcohol problems and you should at least be trying to show some support. You also have your children to consider. If your truly not happy then leave and start anew. This is extremely difficult to ... (read in full...)
I want to delete him, then he calls! What does he want from me?
Q. I seperated a few years ago and never thought i'd meet someone until last year when i meet a guy on a girlie weekend, we kept in touch and met up late last year but since then we haven't seen one another. Everytime i go to delete his number from my ...
A. 7 July 2009: Maybe he just sees you as a casual friend. I have a friend like this who I barely see 3 times a year but we are happy to keep touch occasionally. If you want more from this man then ask him straight out. If the answer is that he just wants to be ... (read in full...)
I hate having these negative feelings about women and it's consuming me....
Q. Hi where do i start. Im a 27 year old man and im really struggling with handling how much casual sex i see around me, though friends and people i meet out on a night out. Iv just come out of a long relationship almost 6 years. it was over due a...
A. 7 July 2009: I'd like to give a female perspective on this, even though I am older. I am also reviled by how casual sex has become. I dated after I became divorced and was almost naive to the fact that so many men were just 'out for sex'. I spoke to a few people ... (read in full...)
Partner just broke up with me and I'm really hurting
Q. I've used this site for a long time and have tried to give some help and relief to people going through stressful times and worries. I have always considered myself good at copeing in the face of adversity and boy have I faced a lot. Yesterday...
A. 6 July 2009: Thankyou for all the lovely replies. A whole month has passed and I have been very down about things. I also learned today that he is seeing someone else and he is happy (Didn't wait long did he?). I guess I should be thankful that at least one of ... (read in full...)
10 years and hes seeing this other girl but texting me like we never broke up!
Q. Ok so me and my ex were dating for 10 years. We had a pretty good relationship. Then all of a sudden we stop hanging out and seeing eachother. We would still send texts back and forth to eachother like we were still together. come to find out he ...
A. 6 July 2009: Believe this: Men will tell you what you want to hear to keep you on the hook.
This man has kinda lied and told the truth to you. He says he doesn't want to lose you, but he's still seeing the other girl. I think when he said ' I don't wanna lose... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend has reappeared in my life, and married and I don't know how to stop living in the past.
Q. I didn't start dating until I was 20, but I never had a serious relationship until I was 23. But the first boy I dated when i was 20, only for 3 months, but he was the sweetest, cutest, most lovely boy, and til now I still think about how wonderful ...
A. 6 July 2009: Don't be sad honey. I think I can speak for a lot of women when I say that those of us who love someone honestly and deeply and then have that love end...face the most desperate kind of pain.
It seems that there are a good deal more kind and lovi... (read in full...)
Our marriage had been neglected, she started seeing another man, How do I deal with this?
Q. i have been in a relatinonship for nearly 20years with my partner we have had 3 children 2 boys 18-16 and a girl 5.i have had mental health problems since before we met and gradualy got worse over the years and i have neglected her by never showing ...
A. 5 July 2009: I am so sorry to hear this has happened...sorry it was too late for you to save things. It breaks my heart to know you didnt have a chance to put things right, but life deals hard blows all the time. I hope you find peace. Aunty Em... (read in full...)
All chip in! How do you know when your in love?
Q. Ok, everyone has to chip in here, since it's a very varied thing; how do you know when you're in love? :)...
A. 3 July 2009: It's a very heady feeling and something I hope I shall feel again one day in my lifetime...it's shown it's self to me all too briefly in the past...and I miss it dearly.
Thank god for family and friends...I get to love them all the time!!! ... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend has reappeared in my life, and married and I don't know how to stop living in the past.
Q. I didn't start dating until I was 20, but I never had a serious relationship until I was 23. But the first boy I dated when i was 20, only for 3 months, but he was the sweetest, cutest, most lovely boy, and til now I still think about how wonderful ...
A. 3 July 2009: Its probably a little late for guilt and I am sure your recent break up has left you a little down and pining for when things were happy in your life. This guy appears back on the scene and you are naturally drawn to the good experiences you had ... (read in full...)
Bus girl blues...
Q. Here's one where I'd appreciate female advice. Been chatting to a woman on the bus-50 minute journey -seemed to go well so I asked her out for a drink or two after work sometime. she said definitely yes but not til the next week. because I work a...
A. 3 July 2009: Well I hope it goes well for you and enjoy your date...x... (read in full...)
Bus girl blues...
Q. Here's one where I'd appreciate female advice. Been chatting to a woman on the bus-50 minute journey -seemed to go well so I asked her out for a drink or two after work sometime. she said definitely yes but not til the next week. because I work a...
A. 3 July 2009: Umm well you could just ask her out again...maybe use a little humour about a 'false start' but hoping you both get to go out this time. Maybe she's embarrassed that she missed a date with you. A lot of women are shy about making the first move (or ... (read in full...)
How should I maintain my small figure for the duration of pregnancy?
Q. So, i'm about 10 weeks pregnant and my husband has a thing for thinner models like kate moss and the like. He once told me he married me largely because he knew I'd always be one to stay naturally slender, because of how naturally skinny...
A. 3 July 2009: Hmmm maybe a hoax...but if not...then you seriously need to consult a psychiatrist. This is crazy talk and both you and your baby are at serious risk if you starve yourself during pregnancy. On average you should be eating at least twice the ... (read in full...)
Our marriage had been neglected, she started seeing another man, How do I deal with this?
Q. i have been in a relatinonship for nearly 20years with my partner we have had 3 children 2 boys 18-16 and a girl 5.i have had mental health problems since before we met and gradualy got worse over the years and i have neglected her by never showing ...
A. 3 July 2009: Im sorry for being so blunt and I totally sympathise that you are coping with a mental health issue, but if you can write here and profess that you love your wife so deeply...why can't you tell her to her face???!!!!!
It doesn't make any sense. Y... (read in full...)
What are these pains?!
Q. i have another question. i have been getting these popping sensations in my female area and i was just wondering what it could be from. to help you understand heres an example; if any of you have ever seen the lights flash on the back of a car thats ...
A. 3 July 2009: Any pain should be investigated by your doctor...it could be several things and here isn't the best place to get acute medical advice. Go back to your doctor!!!... (read in full...)
Should I get back in touch with my ex or not?
Q. I dated a guy 5 years ago- it was great, he was a complete gentleman and he told me he really liked me, I told him I felt the same- things happened (id rather not say what) and I couldnt see him anymore, I never gave him an explanation or anything- ...
A. 3 July 2009: If you know he has a girlfriend then let it go. Don't meddle in other peoples relationships. You might get a break in the future if he becomes single again...or you might not, but it's not nice to wreck someones relationship just because we have ... (read in full...)
I stayed in the marriage for financial reasons, but looking for more reasons to continue this farce
Q. My husband came home with two liter bottles for the weekend (1 vodka, the other cognac)and told me he had Friday off. My immedate though was, oh no. I will be at the computer or walking around with a smile on my face while he ridiqules me and ...
A. 3 July 2009: He won't change. I was married to a man that drank heavily for the 20 years we were together. I was responsible for keeping the finances on track, taking care of the kids, the home, all the chores. I worked full time and had no self esteem, no ... (read in full...)
There are two girls I like: my 'dream girl' and my girlfriend
Q. I have an interesting question. Well, there was this sexy blonde girl who seems to have taken a like to me and I haven't known her name until yesterday. Here's the weird part about it: I dreamt about her having sex with me, even though I'm happily ...
A. 3 July 2009: I think you should stick with your girlfriend...unless you have an all consuming desire to place a bomb in the middle of your loving relationship and blow it to pieces!!! Everyone fantasises about other people at times but it's not a basis for ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 3 July 2009: Really you need to avoid him completely if you can. His having feelings for you means very little. You have to face the bare facts: He could be in a relationship with you and love and care for you...but HE ISN'T!! This guy is playing around, whether ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and alone - he became a monster!
Q. I'm 21 years old and met my ex-boyfriend working. A few months after dating he became a monster i was living with him because i was going through some financial problems. He became very physical with me and i ended up leaving him going to Georgia ...
A. 2 July 2009: I know your going through a bad time but at least your family are on your side. Build on that and accept as much help and support from them as you can, because your going to need it now you are going to become a mother. Your ex sounds like he needs ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him when this is happening?
Q. I need some help. I have no idea what to do, or what to think, or what to feel. I met this guy a couple of months ago in a parking lot at a car shop that I was at with my best friend. The moment we saw each other across the way, there was this ine...
A. 2 July 2009: Sounds like he's got you mixed up in a good tight bind. Treating you so well and gaining your confidence and then withdrawing and asking to be 'friends'. He was in the wrong to begin with. He started something with yoou whilst he had another girl in ... (read in full...)
He's now dating BOTH of us! What do I do?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend 2 years ago and he told me he has a girlfriend but based on the girl's attitude he wants to breakup the relationship but all those times they had a quarell and i thought it will soon be over but the girl kept calling ...
A. 2 July 2009: As long as you continue to put up with this sitiation, it will continue. Your guy probably won't give up the other girl, despite what he says. Why would he when he has the best of both worlds??. Do yourself a massive favour and walk away. Don't ... (read in full...)
Is he busy or just not that into me?
Q. I have been keeping in contact with a man I used to work with. I got an email from him in April in which he said he would like to see me sometime--and would I mind. I replied that I would like to see him too. Another month or so passed, and he ...
A. 30 June 2009: Well potentially the answer could be all of the above. He could be shy about initiating the first move, he could be hooked up with someone else and not have time for you, he could be waiting for you to set a date to meet. If it were me and I really ... (read in full...)
Is life going to get any better?
Q. aw my life is crap at the moment. 6 years ago i had just bought a house with my first ex-we were on the verge of marrying etc, but in the back of my mind i knew something was not right-he didnt seem all that caring about me and i would normally ...
A. 27 June 2009: What can I say...a lot of men are a$$holes and thats the truth. With regard to your first ex, you did what you felt was right at the time and you ended it fair and square. He was uncaring towards you and that fact cannot be changed, despite how he ... (read in full...)
Husband left me for a younger woman. Will it work?
Q. i was married for 24 years and the first of the year my husband left me for a younger woman. He is 50 and she is 19 and illegal to top it off over 6 months pregnant. Does not take a rocket scientist to figure out the he was sleeping with the both ...
A. 26 June 2009: I agree, see legal advice to make him face up to his responsibilities and then thank your lucky stars he has gone. Start living for yourself and your children. Forget whether his relationship works out, it will just cause you more pain and seriously ... (read in full...)
Your advice is sorely needed. What should I do about my feelings for my ex?
Q. I am in a relationship with a girl but I still fancy my ex girlfriend whom I dated in college. My ex girlfriend says no she will never date me again. What should I do about my feelings for my ex?...
A. 24 June 2009: You should forget them and move on. If she said she won't date you then she has made up her mind and it's best to leave well alone.... (read in full...)
What should I do with this guy at work flirting with me having a GF in the same company?
Q. This is a co worker of mine. His GF works in the same company but different area. I know both of them, although I knew him long time ago. I´ve seen lately that he likes to talk to me and likes to hang around me and when he sees me he tried to get ...
A. 24 June 2009: You could lose your job over this if you become entangled in something so underhand. He obviously has no morals or sense of responsibility.
A man who openly flirts with you when his girlfriend works in the same place is a complete dog. There co... (read in full...)
He is sooooo controlling! Help!
Q. My boyfriend reformatted the computer so I lost all the pictures of the last two years of my children and very dear things to me. I tried to find other software I used and needed and nothing works. I need some private corner of my world to go to ...
A. 24 June 2009: Save some money, even if you have to take a second job and just leave him. You are obviously very unhappy and there will always be something or other to pull you back but if you really can't stand it any longer then you will act and make it so.
... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me make sense of this behaviour?
Q. Hi, I'm hoping for some advice/support. I'm very upset about comments that my partner makes. I've been with him for 4.5 years and gave him loads of support when his ex wife was divorcing him. I live in a council house, have two mixed race c...
A. 24 June 2009: I agree with all previous answers. Your coping well by yourself, your a good mother and a responsible person who's keeping the bills paid, you seriously don't need the grief he brings on you. We all want to have the security and love of a supporting ... (read in full...)
Do I hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto?
Q. My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he says we rushed into things too fast. We were together for 2 months and had sex after the 1st month. I wanted to wait and so did he but one thing led to another. Like after we did it everything was ...
A. 24 June 2009: You don't have to prove you love him...in fact it's impossible, especially when that person is not in love with you. He may have said it initially but then you became involved sexually and he decided to pull the plug. Having sex too soon in a ... (read in full...)
Why are my cousins ignoring me?
Q. When my husband and I got married back last September, I invited all my cousins and their families (I have over 30 first cousins). Most all of them sent either gifts or well wishes and a few did attend. However, I have three cousins who are ...
A. 16 June 2009: Wow that sounds really strange, but you know what they say...'You can choose your friends, but not your relatives. Sounds like there are a few possibilities why they arn't speaking but doesn't sound like any of it is your fault.
I would give it ... (read in full...)
He's always saying he needs space but this time I think its over
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, we had a rocky start and for most of the years a pattern seemed to follow where we would tell me that he needed some space. I would then give it to him and after a few days we would get back together and ...
A. 16 June 2009: Your story sounds so similar to my own. I have been dating the same man for 2 years. He would ask for space and wanted time for himself and we would split for a few weeks or a couple of months, then he would come back and everything would be fine ... (read in full...)
I wish someone would come into my life and give me some hope...
Q. I'm so lonely that i cry about it most days. I'm recovering from a relationship where ive been messed around and had my heart absolutely crushed to pieces. I spilt up with my boyfriend 9 months ago after 3 years on and off. I've waited for him, ...
A. 15 June 2009: Hunny, I don't know what it is about us girls that we want to hang onto the bad boys. Over and over it seems men can dump around on us and we take it and take it,either because we have kids, or lack of confidence, or dont like our bodies, or live ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep blocking me??
Q. Ok my problem is that i dated this guy (have sex and everything) but after that we only see eachother at school. We are cool, I know that nothing else is going to happen so we treat eachother like another classmate. But now he keeps blocking me in ...
A. 14 June 2009: He's blocking you possibly because, now you've had sex with him, he wants to avoid you for a while...in case you want to get closer to him or want more than he can give you. He has either not deleted you, because he doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to let go, but now I feel its too late!
Q. Recently, I started having feelings for this guy. He is great, and was normally really good to me. It was the first time I had really felt happy since my ex boyfriend. We had a few tiffs and decided to just stay friends, soon after that he got a ...
A. 14 June 2009: Im sorry your going through this. Thats whats so tough about life...we cannot have the luxury to choose every option. We have to make a decision and stick with it. If you constantly change your mind and flit from one guy to another without knowing ... (read in full...)
Single dating fathers, could you tell me if you are able to be attentive to a woman who is not the mother of your child?
Q. I really like this guy.. hes a few years older than me but we seem to have soo much in common. The only thing is he has 2 kids and is living with his ex (the mother of his kids). I know he doesnt like her anymore. But Im still jelous of her beca...
A. 14 June 2009: Your being a little naive and selfish. His kids must come first as he has a commitment to them, despite not being with their mother. If you can't stand the heat then maybe you shouldn't get involved with men who have children.
Best of luck sor... (read in full...)
Do I really need a man or will I be lonely?
Q. Hi Need some advice. Am mid 50's and had a boyfriend for over 4 years - we were happy and got engaged but then the last two years not been great. I work full time, he is retired and I have a very busy life, and find I do not have a lot of time to ...
A. 14 June 2009: It's hard to say if you would be lonely. If you split with him, I am sure there would be lots of things you would miss about him, but it's no reason to stay in a relationship if your truly unhappy. People stay for all sorts of reasons and often lose ... (read in full...)
He loves me..he loves me not..he loves me?
Q. i met this guy 3 years in october he keeped telling me that hes in love with me and then out of the blue he told me that he wasnt in love with me anymore and that he loves me deep down what should i do ...
A. 14 June 2009: Im not in the best of moods today as I have just split with my partner but here goes...men who don't know what they want arn't worth getting into a relationship with. Be friends, keep it platonic without sexual contact and wait and see if hes ... (read in full...)
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