A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 39 year old female and have 2 children. I am currently going through a divorce. I had an affair 2 years ago with my first love. I was the one who broke it off with this man years ago and seemed like a much happier person after doing so....but found after time went by I was still thinking of him often and still having feelings for him but tried to keep moving forward. I did marry someone else as did he and he has 2 children. I contacted this man again a couple of years ago and we ended up having an affair. When I contacted him he was in the process of legal separation. I am still seeing this man but unable to "move foward" with him. I still feel alot of guilt to this day blaming myself for tearing up my family. I also worry alot about what people think of me. Please give me some advice...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Not entirely sure what advice you want or need. You are going through divorce and the object of your affections is legally seperating from his wife...seems to be going in the right direction for you doesn't it?
You say your not moving foward, but I take it from breaking up the two marriages, you both intend to settle down together?...maybe things arn't moving foward fast enough for you?...or maybe you may be thinking, despite ending your marriage, that the new guy doesn't want to rush into anything?
Affairs are illicit, they have the luxury of taking place without any real commitment being made. They are covert and underhand with an element of excitement. Establishing a full on relationship, after divorce, with the involvement of children is another matter and not so easy to put into place, perhaps you need to give yourself more time to end things with the divorce...you may just have to wait to see how things pan out, but you have more pressing matters at hand...establishing a life for you and your children, away from your husband.
People will judge you, because that is what people do, but if this is what you really want then it's your life...and you must live it how you see fit.
Good Luck
Aunty Em xxx
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