A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and I feel I am really wasting my time. Although he is good company and I can talk to him about most things, there is no romance or passion in the relationship. He has never said he loves me and when I asked him why, he said that he would not like to say "words". I feel I am very needy and can't do without him, yet I am starting to look around me at other men, and am wondering what to do for the best. He is reliable, trustworthy and kind natured but should I settle for this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 July 2009):
 I think you have to decide what you really want and need. A lot of men are not forthcoming with their affections but may show you in other ways that they care. I always thought the ultimate aim for being in a relationship was to feel loved and be happy, but of course, people are in relationships for all kinds of reasons and mostly because they can't 'go it alone'
I can tell you that the grass isn't as green as it seems and as you get older, it becomes much harder to meet someone compatible.
Perhaps you should have a 'heart to heart' with him and put your cards on the table. He may not realise that your so discontented. There is always room for improvement but if he is generally good to you and kind natured then it's probably worth a shot to save it.
Wishing you well
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Only you know if you can live with a relationship in which your partner does not show you the kind of love you want to be shown. I have been in several relationships, some of them quite successful, some of them not so much. In my experience, there are two kinds of involvements: the very passionate ones where there is great sex and lots of fire, but little true lasting companionship; and, the very loving, tender, reliable ones where there are no sparks in the bedroom.
At this point in my life, I want a loving, reliable companion who shares time with me and takes good care of me and is honest and loyal. I want that more than the kind where you have the passion that soon fades. Now, mind you, this is because I just got out of one of the passionate and wild ones where he lied to me and cheated. So, that may explain why I want the other kind right now.
I guess you should ask yourself which is most important: passion or devotion. I'm not saying you can't have both. I'm sure you can. I just haven't found it myself.
Best of luck.
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