A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I thought I would write a post about failure. I know failure is a part of life but realizing it exists and dealing with your own personal failures is very different, and the latter is sometimes impossible to get over. These past four years I have had nothing but failures. Failed relationships, failed endeavors and many other disappointments. I remember at the beginning of all of it that I was hopeful and felt I would learn a lot no matter what happened. I have learned a lot but it all came with a dear price and I now feel like I am at ground zero, without any confidence, faith and really dragging of energy.Three years ago I met a man that I instantly feel in love with. About six months after that I embarked on a professional endeavor that was a make or break opportunity in another country. I knew the path before me was going to be very difficult but I didn't have any idea how difficult and didn't anticipate failing. Now, I am without the man, after having been played a fool for too long and I am without much promise of a positive outcome for my work endeavor. I feel as though the last years have been in vain and that I have let so many people down. I feel without the ability to hold my head high. Now, whether I like it or not, I have to move on with the next chapter in my life and I am finding it really difficult since I don't have much esteem left.I was wondering about other people's failures. How have you failed in your life? How did you recuperate from the experience? How do you look at it now in retrospect? How do you talk about it with other people, or do you?Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): I failed in my marriage. I was married for 15 years to a man I adored but who treated me like scum and who was totally unfaithful. He eventually left me for another woman. He used to lie all the time. I felt a failure with my friends and was left to look after the children. Even though it wasn't mmy fault my loss of face was great. I lost weight, became ill and the house turned into a filthy pigsty. This went on for two years of crying, bemoaning my lot and not sleeping. One day I was doing the school run and found that I was not crying as I drove along. There was no epiphany or music or aything my body not my mind had just had enough and stopped letting me cry. This was the turning point. I didn't make a conscious effort to get over my 'failure' it just happened. Since then it has got better each day. I think I just got to the point where my body just couldn't take anymore and wouldn't let me continue although my mind was willing. Anyway i think time is the only healer with failure or anything where you perceive loss or sadness.
Things will improve for you. You have been brave and had the strength to try something new in a different country and you will get that strength back again.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I sympathise with you a great deal. Life is full of failures. None of us is born with a guide to the 'perfect' life and we just have to walk many paths before we make headway. Some paths are dead ends, but what have we lost by travelling them? a little time and heartache perhaps? What if fear kept us from trying? What would we do, How would we continue to learn. Fortune favours the brave and eventually some of those paths WILL lead somewhere. You just have to apreciate the small things.
When I get really down about things, I think about my friend who has recently returned from working in Africa. Life is on a completely different level there, people are suffering and living in poverty...all over the third world, lives are lived out in the most dreadful crisis. Imagine having to watch your child die of starvation, having to watch your love ones be murdered by rebels. Paints a different picture doesn't it?? I know this is cliche, but it is so because it's glaringly true.
I am not trivialising your pain and suffering. Defeats are defeats and they hurt, but you have the opportunity to try and try again because you live in a good safe country.
Love is the most difficult thing to master. No wonder they say all in love and war is fair...it's utterly frustrating. I know and have been there on more than one occasion, but even at my age I have hope for the future. One day you really will meet the love of your life and you will wonder why you worried so much.
I am sending you a big hug...and a big kick in the pants too...get back out there (when your ready) and just see where life leads you. Tomorrow is a new day (Ok enough already with the cliches!!!)
with love and encouragement
Aunty Em xxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I suspect everyone has had 'failures' and anyone who says they haven't are not facing up to them.
And that's my point really, you simply have to face up to them, deal with them and move on.
I say 'simply ' like it's easy-but it's not-some you come to terms with quickly, some take llonger.
I'm still coming to terms with failures I made many,many years ago yet others I have accepted.
The main thing is that you learn to learn.
And accept what you are, including your failures, and be who you are-nothing more, nothing less..
That's all I have to say about that. (:
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