A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I’m in process of separation and divorce and about two years ago I meat this guy at work –we start sleeping together .I’m very much in love with him ,he told me that he loves me too but dosen't want a girlfriend. There is big difference in years between us ,however he told me that is not a problem for him. The weird thing is that he dosen't want to make any for example weekend plans ,like go to the movies ,or dinner etc he always wants to meet for very short time usually after work or at add hours. At work he sad he wants to keep secret so we bearly talk at work. Most of the time he doesn’t answer my calls or txt massages. Even one time one of his “ female friends” visit him at work and he was kissing her good bay when I was standing in the halloway,I was heart so badly ,but I was able to forgive him and we keep seeing each other .since I sit one cube away from him I can sometimes since hear his conversations ,and yesterday apparently one of his ex gf call , when I confronted him he sad that was his ex that is merit with children. When I ask him yesterday for I don’t know many times ,what he wants to do and that kind of behavior of his in unacceptable hi told me that he doesn’t want me in his life right now,he doesn’t want to date me .he sad hi will get Sirius in 1 year. What can I do ? I'm very much in love with him .should I walk away right now before will get worse. Am I being stupid ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need help. I’m in process of separation and divorce and about two years ago I meat this guy at work –we start sleeping together .I’m very much in love with him ,he told me that he loves me too but dosen't want a girlfriend. There is big difference in years between us ,however he told me that is not a problem for him. The weird thing is that he dosen't want to make any for example weekend plans ,like go to the movies ,or dinner etc he always wants to meet for very short time usually after work or at add hours. At work he sad he wants to keep secret so we bearly talk at work. Most of the time he doesn’t answer my calls or txt massages. Even one time one of his “ female friends” visit him at work and he was kissing her good bay when I was standing in the halloway,I was heart so badly ,but I was able to forgive him and we keep seeing each other .since I sit one cube away from him I can sometimes since hear his conversations ,and yesterday apparently one of his ex gf call , when I confronted him he sad that was his ex that is merit with children. When I ask him yesterday for I don’t know many times ,what he wants to do and that kind of behavior of his in unacceptable hi told me that he doesn’t want me in his life right now,he doesn’t want to date me .he sad hi will get Sirius in 1 year. What can I do ? I'm very much in love with him .should I walk away right now before will get worse. Am I being stupid ?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really want to thank evrybody for great advice and suport.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 I agree with YOUWISH...
He is seriously just using you for sex, all the signs are there. Refusing to see you for proper dates, not answering your texts and calls, seeing you at odd hours, not speaking openly about you both, telling you he doesn't want a girlfriend...really you need to open your eyes and see what he is really doing.
Telling you he will get serious in a year is just an easy way to keep you available and 'on the hook' for casual sex.
As YOUWISH said...you need to get some self respect and stop seeing this guy.
So sorry
AE xx
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (11 June 2010):
 Sounds like he's a player. Find a guy who wants to show the world that he loves you. He is not the one for you I'm afraid. The signs are obvious. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, tmisty777 +, writes (11 June 2010):
 Truthfully, I would just start treating him like a friend- no kissing, no sex, no worrying about other women, because that's all he wants to be is a friend. He's not in love with you- obviously, and he will have the control over the relationship forever, don't wait for him!!! If he wants to be with you, you not giving him what he wants will make him want you more, and when he asks about it just say that you are my friend, that's all you want to be. When he says that he wants to be more, go on only dates- in places where there would be NO SEX! Sex doesn't make a relationship, you need to make a relationship first. Tell him later after you go on many dates that you don't want him to be interested in other girls. Try to leave sex out of the relationship until you know that there really may be a relationship going on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 June 2010):
 He's totally using you for sex. He neither loves you nor wants you, but is taking advantage of your throwing yourself at him. He has another girlfriend (or possibly a wife!), or he wouldn't be suggesting to keep you both secret and not planning weekends.
You need to walk away immediately. I'm assuming that when you were attracted to him, you didn't think that you'd be reduced to being his sex toy without any real affection or effort from him.
It's not a matter of stupidity. It's a matter of self-respect. Do you have it?
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