A
female
age
51-59,
*obbie71
writes:I dated this guy for 2 months and he suddenly stopped communicated and I quickly discovered he was on a dating website. Things between him and I had been amazing and I really felt like we had something special and he was "the one". (I'm in my late 30's and fine being alone so I don't say that lightly) He had told me he had strong feelings for me too and we had an amazing connection. Anyway, I was shocked, heartbroken and emailed him repeatedly. He finally got back to me after two weeks and told me he felt I was better off without him , I told him that was my decision and after many emails back and forth, we decided we were going to go for coffee and start fresh again. Then he stopped communicating again for a few weeks. Then he emailed me once and told me he had been super busy etc.etc. I emailed back about setting a date for coffee and heard nothing. I have never in my life had the need to or pursued a guy but I felt like I was losing the love of my life so I emailed him asking what was up. I also saw he wasn't on the dating site anymore. Didn't hear back for 3 more weeks and then he emailed me back saying how stupid he was to not get in touch and that he'd been working on his finding work and the silence had nothing to do with me. Since then we've been in the process of reconciling and we did go for coffee last week. One of the things that I found out is that he went on a few dates with a girl during the first silence. He told me the girl was a nice girl but nothing happened because he was thinking about me.I know I need to put this all behind us in order for us to have a chance at moving forward. What's bothering me is that it was several dates. I mean if he really was thinking of me why would he need to go on several dates with her to realize that he wanted to be with me? Thoughts?I know we weren't together at the time but I know there's no way I'd be able to date someone else when I have strong feelings for another man.
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Fine, he didn't sleep around. It still doesn't change anything - he isn't interested enough in you to be with you each and every single day. Not a good sign. You deserve a guy thats knocking down your door to hang out as often as possible. He's not interested in anything too serious.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 If you can get a reconciliation that goes from strength to strength then I would say 'good on you'. If he distances himself again after that and gives you the run around, then I would call it a day.
The other aunts are right, if you were the love of his life, wild horses couldnt drag him away from you. Dating other women and leaving three weeks of 'no contact' definitely indicates that he isn't wanting to chase you up.
Be aware that certain people who use dating sites, become addicted and can be always mostly looking for the 'next best thing'. Protect yourself, by recognisisng bad behaviour and deciding if thats really right for you!!! (even if the guy is really cute) If you don't, it can lead to some serious heartache.
Good Luck xxx
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A
female
reader, bobbie71 +, writes (14 May 2010):
bobbie71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSilly - He didn't sleep around and I'm quite sure about that. (for reasons I'm not going to disclose here)
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A
female
reader, bobbie71 +, writes (14 May 2010):
bobbie71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSilly - He didn't sleep around and I'm quite sure about that. (for reasons I'm not going to disclose here)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Exactly. Maybe his feelings were not so strong after all. You felt he was the one for you, but he must have felt differently otherwise he would not have been dabbling with dating sites to begin with.
A thing that bothers me is that jf took him 3 weeks to get back to you because he was busy with work. Maybe now life has become to hectic for people to respect the old etiquette rule that any personal mesage must be answered within 3 days- but I think one can,and must, do the effort for the persons he really cares about. And sending a quick e-mail to say " so sorry ,I am sooo busy now, but we'll have that coffee as soon as I have a free moment " takes abot 30 seconds.
I think he was stalling you and testing the waters to see if he could do " better ". Plan A did not work,so back to plan B-you.
Never say never,so it's possible that you can truly reconcile and start anew. Possible but far from guaranteed-if he was not as committed to you as you were to him, he'll stay put for a while and sooner or later will do it again.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (14 May 2010):
You need to read "He's just not that into you". A book that saved me a great deal of heartache.
Lets be honest here. He did much more then just go on a few dates. He slept around with a few women. He didn't email/call/see you because he wasn't that interested. A man is never too tired, too sick, too stressed, too busy to make time for the woman he wants. Remember that.
You really need to forget about this guy. There are men out there that will chase you & want you...
-s-
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