I am happiest when my husband isn't in the house!

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

i am sick of my husband. i have been with him 7 years and we have 4 children and one on the way but i have had enough of him i am happiest when he is not in the house. we split up for a while last year and my friends said i seemed more relaxed without him around. we started counselling together it started off ok but then the counsellor started saying we were hard to work with. the problem is when my husband wishes to be heard he wont listen to anyone else to the point where he will talk over others or outright tell them they are not listening to him when they should this does not go down well with the counsellor and she constantly had to get him to listen to me and tell him that just because my feelings are not the same as his that doesnt make them any less valid. he actually believes that if he doesnt have a problem with something nobody else should. anyway he agreed to be better and stick at the counselling but it was doing nothing for us as he wouldnt listen to the counsellor. I thought he was being better and had him back home but it was clear that after 6 weeks he was back to his old self. as i had a medical condition there was nothing i could do to get him to leave so i am stuck with him. he is impossible to live with and if i bring up a problem he accuses me of attacking him the counsellor felt this was due to his upbringing and work life which has made him super defensive but still its a nightmare to live with. i try to talk resonably but to his mind if i even raise my voice slightly i am shouting. if i wish to discuss something he does not want to discuss he storms off and sulks and he will not speak to me even if i ask him a question he will use hand gestures instead of talking or write notes. i feel its a kinf=d of emotional blackmail. also he is a road rager if i disagree with him in the car he throws the car round corners and roundabouts like a lunatic and puts the brakes on as late as he can which frightens the children. he hits my son if he does something like leaving his coat at school. when i pull him up on it he accuses me of letting the children do what they want. he feels it is acceptable to hit, threaten and demean the children to get them to do as they are told and i dont. he expects them to spend all day in their rooms and puts tv and computer up there to try and get them to stay up there when it doesnt work he shouts at them. he constantly complains about me to the children because of my medical condition and at the children because they are not as fast at walkin as him. he makes us feel we are not good enough, if he cooks a meal he puts stuff in it we dont like and expects us to eat it even if we dont like it just because he likes everything and thinks we should too, he says be grateful we get fed, he deliberately puts mushrooms in everything cos my son doesnt like them and gets mad at me cos i buy prawns for my daughter when she is the only one who likes them. the problem is when we are around other people he is different he is easy going and polite he offers to help them when i ask for help he complains and says i should just be grateful he is around. then when i try to do things myself he tells me i should have asked for help! if i go to vacuum for example he tells me i should let him do it cos i am ill but i am only doing it cos i cant stand to see the dirt on the carpets anymore, i say nothing because if i do say this he has a go at me. i just dont know what to expect half the time jekyll/hyde and i want to leave him again this time for good but i know its going to be hard with 4 kids so i would have to move city to be by my family and get their help which is a big thing. am i wrong to want to leave, i feel i have tried but he is just impossible, i feel mean for leaving him again but the bad things outweigh the good things and when he does a good thing for me he expects me to not question him ever about anything as a show of gratitude. he expects me to live by his standards though he does not. i know that people are all to eager to divorce these days but i feel i have tried and i dont want my children to grow up anything like him i want them to be well balanced, if possible. am i being resonable? does anyone else think its just me?

View related questions: divorce, emotional blackmail, split up

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