A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had a boyfriend for 7 yrs. We live separately. He lives about 5 mins away from me. We have a good relationship. He helps me and I help him. He is retired and am still working full-time. I later discovered that he gambles. At first I thought that it is just an entertaining gambling..$. later on this gambling has gotten out of hand and now his bank account is zero and his credit card is maxing. Now, he wants to borrow money(his checks are bouncing) and now he wants to move in with me,so he can rent his house. I said no. I can help you manage your money and help you with your groceries but no move in.He is angry. He left me and posted on line dating, found another girl within weeks on line and now sleeping with her. This girl is undocumented caregiverand dying to find someone to marry her for green card. I love him and miss him but I am torn about my decision to say No to his request. He blames me for all his money woes. Did I do the right thing to say no and say goodbye, even though I am so in love with him
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Are you as old as the post says you are? Then you should know by now that love should never be an excuse.
Whenever you are saying "... but I love him so much". STOP.
Love should never be an excuse. The guy is a dead beat asshole who is going to get himself intro trouble. Really, a guy that age who still can't deal with a gambling addiction is never ever going to change. If he move in he would have gambled away everything he had access too and then still have moved on. You know the story, you seen the movie special of the week. Well this was you chance to star in it yourself and you blew it.
You had to make the sensible choice and avoid being dragged into his gambling debts and spend the rest of your life paying of his debts.
Instead you are left heart broken but with your finances intact.
Next time you doubt that you took the right decision, remember what would have happened if you stayed with him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): It is not good to hear that at this age you are spending time in these issues and still not found your mate. Keep on hunting.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 You did the right thing. He is a free loader, despite how much you love him. Better to get over loving someone than to be dragged down to the pits of a life in debt and despair. Let him be someone elses problem. If you stay with him, your blowing your chances of meeting someone a lot more stable, less decietful and much more trustworthy.
Ok so it's seven years of your life gone...but the next seven could be what your life has been about now you have had a lucky escape from a gambling nightmare moron of a man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): I think you made the right decision. The reason why is that based upon what you have said about him and his gambling, he would probably take the rent money and gamble with it and then you would be taking care of him and his bills as his home goes into foreclosure. If he needed extra money, instead of renting out his entire home, he could rent out a room in it. Or he can go back to work. You made a wise decision by telling him that you'd help him budget his money, but not allow him to move in. Moving in should be a decision based on good feelings, not desperation. You do not need a mooch. You've worked too hard over the years to see someone take it from you now.
I know how much you must miss him. I know you hate the idea of him with this other woman. But legally, she is fooling herself if she is illegal and looking for a green card from marriage. The DHS cracked down on this years ago. It takes years before they would approve a petition for a green card based upon marriage. They would both need to appear before DHS agents for an interview which may not happen for 3 years after the petition is submitted. Not to mention, you must be in the country legally at the time of the submission of the petition. Besides, who would pay for the lawyers for this? Not him.
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A
female
reader, Nettik  +, writes (23 May 2010):
Forget the loser I say! he was only after you for a free ride, unfotunatly it happens alot, be glad you are rid of him before things got worse!
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