A
male
age
41-50,
*pvictorville
writes:Ok I recently moved to Southern California my brother owns a business I started working for him and I met one of his employees...love at first site she was beautiful my kind of people and just really cool...but she had a boyfriend of 4 years...he was dog ugly cheated on her and always put her down...she put up with it because she is one of those women that don't want to be alone...so we started a little fling...she knew I had a girlfriend and I knew she had a boyfriend but we were just having sex and fooling around everyday at work...well it got serious fast...I have been a player all my life but this women brought me to my knees...so I told her I would get rid of all the girls and I promised to be faithful to her...and she promised she was going to leave the lame...so after alot of bs and broken promises she finally told him to beat it...I told all the girls that I was done and that I was with somebody and I didn't want to talk to them any more...I did this in front of her because she did not trust me...my brother had warned her about my ways with women long before I got here...so after a few days she started acting really funny with her phone and other things and I find out she is talking to the lame again...so I get mad and carry on...and she tells me that she still loves him and that she shouldn't have jumped into the relationship with me...well I am hurt because I truly love her I mean I love her...would do anything for her...well she keeps it up with him and I keep telling her that if it don't change I will start seeing other women...well she don't so I start seeing other women...well it burns her up hurts her bad when she finds out...but yet she is still seeing and talking to the lame...so she wants me to be faithful to her but yet she is seeing this guy still...and she tells me well you know about him but I don't know who your with...so I kinda of push away from her and she ends up moving in with him now I am crushed and she tells me she hates it there and that I need to get us a place so she can move out of there...I love her alot probably the only women I have ever loved she is my best friend and we have awesome sex together...but since she has moved in with him my time is limited with her...I get jealous when she does anything with him...I feel like I am going crazy...is this normal?...I am normally a very confident man...I have never had a problem with women but she makes me crazy...why?
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male
reader, cpvictorville +, writes (11 May 2010):
cpvictorville is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok so today was really bad...I see her everyday at work by the way...which I like cause I can't get enough of her...but I see her texting and she always has to run off to his needs...but she swears she is not happy and as soon as I have a place for her and her kids (yea she has 3 kids) which think I am cool...they hate the situation they are in and always have told there mom to be with me...anyway I get jeaolus and I fight it off most of the time but sometimes it gets to me and I get mad at her for talking to him...why do I do that? is it cause I am impatient? is it cause i am really in love and I want her so bad...I figure if she doesn't want to be with him then why should she always be catering to his wants...damm it...I am telling you I am going crazy...I was in a relationship with a girl for 20 years...and then I left her and had a child with a very beautiful Italian women...we have a beautiful daughter...I have been with 300 girls give or take and I have never been crazy for a women like I am for her...Some advice was to stay away from her...and I would just to see if she came back or missed me...but we work together everyday and we work close so I see her and am around her all day...but at the end of the day when I know she is going back to him I started getting depressed and she can sense it...HELP
One more thing is it fair for her to not want me talking to other women and she hates the mother to my daughter...I don't understand her...
A
male
reader, cpvictorville +, writes (11 May 2010):
cpvictorville is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so today was really bad...I see her everyday at work by the way...which I like cause I can't get enough of her...but I see her texting and she always has to run off to his needs...but she swears she is not happy and as soon as I have a place for her and her kids (yea she has 3 kids) which think I am cool...they hate the situation they are in and always have told there mom to be with me...anyway I get jeaolus and I fight it off most of the time but sometimes it gets to me and I get mad at her for talking to him...why do I do that? is it cause I am impatient? is it cause i am really in love and I want her so bad...I figure if she doesn't want to be with him then why should she always be catering to his wants...damm it...I am telling you I am going crazy...I was in a relationship with a girl for 20 years...and then I left her and had a child with a very beautiful Italian women...we have a beautiful daughter...I have been with 300 girls give or take and I have never been crazy for a women like I am for her...Some advice was to stay away from her...and I would just to see if she came back or missed me...but we work together everyday and we work close so I see her and am around her all day...but at the end of the day when I know she is going back to him I started getting depressed and she can sense it...HELP
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 Dude it's love, that's normal!!!
Give her an ultimatum. Tell her she has (so many days) to choose if she wants him or you. Give her the offer on a plate. Tell her that if she says no then you won't speak to her again. And stick to it. BUT give her time to think it over, a week maybe.
If things don't work out with her, don't worry. You're not the only person this has happened to. Give yourself time to recover. Stay away from contact with her and temptation. Spend time with other girls BUT don't go back to your old ways. Get to know these girls and get close to them before you sleep with them. If you start a relationship, take it slow, and it will be more likely to blossom and last.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 May 2010):
 This relationship will make you crazy and it is wrong for so many reasons. You are both cheating and it sounds like you have met your match in this lady. If she wanted a committed relationship with you then she would have grabbed it while she could. The fact is that she still has a thing for the other guy and doesn't mind the love triangle drama. You are seeing other women now to spite her, but that doesn't sound like love to me. It may be the closest thing to love you have experienced in your lifetime but when you really love someone then you don't want to look elsewhere at all. She is making you crazy because you are used to getting women to date you rather easily and she is proving a bit harder to nail down - the one you cannot have on your terms is tantalising. The player met the playerette who are jointly engaged in a complicated on-off game that can only serve to hurt the people around you. She has cheated on you, you have cheated on her, both of you have cheated on other people...there can be no long-term trust in this relationship as both of you would be paranoid about other people. I am guessing your brother is also less than thrilled that you are playing around with ladies at work after he got you a job. I think you should cut contact with this lady for a while - as much as work permits - and review the situation in a couple of months as your feelings may have changed then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Often when we break up with someone its very traumatic and we need time afterwards to get our heads together again. She didnt have that time. If you were full on with her it must have been like being hit by a train. She had to deal with the hurt she caused her bf and probably watched him suffer, repent and promise her alsorts of changes. Its a lot to cope with and shes probably still dealing with residual feelings for him. Just back up, keep your diary clear and give her space. Some things are worth waiting for and if you really love each other you will be together. Just allow her to follow her own path and if its meant to be, her path will lead to your door.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 May 2010):
 I cant understand why she is still with the lame guy and yet she wants to be with you? No wonder your going crazy. It probably wasn't a smart move to threaten that yoou would start dating other women again...sometimes you have to be the 'bigger man' and act maturely when something is very important to you...and that wasn't mature, it was 'tit' for 'tat'.
If I were you, I would withdraw for a while, get yourself sorted out, work and maybe get yourself a place. She is choosing to stay there, despite what she is telling you and I get the feeling that even if she did move in with you, she'd still be thinking about him. If she contacts you, let her know that your sorting yourself out. Stay away from other women for a while because it will complicate things. If she doesn't prove to you that she wants to be with you openly and unconditionally and she has totally broken away from him...then I would call it a bad deal and walk.
Best of luck to you.
Aunty Em xxx
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