A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been in a physical relationship with my ex boyfriend for the past 3 months. Prior to this we had dated for almost a year, when I decided to break up with him. I did this because I felt my needs were not being met. He was thoughtful as a friend and we did things together. However, he was not romantic and he was sexually selfish (For example: he would tell me things like it wasn't his job to satisfy me in bed. That was my problem not his) It was pretty evident that he was afraid of getting intimate. He would tell me these things, so with time I felt that the relationship wasn't getting anywhere. After the breakup, we didn't speak for almost 4 months. Until one day, we started talking again. About a year went by, without even seeing each other only speaking on the phone. We decided to hook up again and now it's turned into this friends with benefits situation. We have only been together a few times, and he has stated to me that he is happy being single and does not want to be in a relationship.My deal now is that I'm no longer comfortable in this situation. I don't feel doing this is the right thing for us. We are using each other, but most of all I hate giving him sex, knowing it's meaningless to him and that we will never get together again. Anyway, I just want to put an end to this. If the friendship needs to end too, then so be it. I don't think exes can be friends anyways. Suggestions????
View related questions:
friend with benefits, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Treacle Tart  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 These columns are helping me get stronger. I have been trying to stop this for months now but he is "irresistable" and i keep giving in. I have told him now that there is NO more and he's much much sweeter than he's ever been but i am getting concerned that it will cause me to be seduced again.
Maybe cutting off all ties is the best way forward.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): I am in same situation. My Ex wants to be friends with benefits with me. I am confused. I am very emotional and she wants her sexual needs to be met. What Should I do ?
...............................
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I have to agree with all the previous answers. It may have been enjoyable at first, and a matter of each of you using the other to meet physical needs...but as you say...it no longer feels right to you!
For us women, sex is emotional as well as physical. You are recognizing the fact that he is not meeting your emotional needs. It is perhaps at the stage now where it is feeling uncomfortable and dirty to you...the physical pleasure is not worth the feelings you go through afterwards.
I know because I have been there!
It's time to voice your feelings and end the relationship!!!
You will eventually meet a man who can satisfy All your needs!
I wish you the best!
Sincerely,
Brooklyngirl
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I agree with the other answers. Don't do this to yourself out of some idea that things will turn back into a relationship...they won't, and he is using you. I've been in this situation in the past, cut all contact and just say NO!!
Good luck
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Stop all contact. Worked for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You are so right! it's very hard for exes to be friends and out of a FWB relationship the only one benefiting is HIM! Trust me, I've been there too, end it now before you get hurt or start feeling cheap and it affects your self esteem. Just stop talking to him, don't take or return his calls, emails, texts, etc. Don't settle for less then you deserve hun,
Good luck:)
...............................
A
female
reader, KitKite87 +, writes (14 May 2010):
Tell him exactly what you said here, that you don't like meaningless sex anymore and you feel it should end. End of discussion, you don't owe him anything else.
...............................
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (14 May 2010):
 When he makes a booty call, just say "no". Simple as that, no further explanations required.
...............................
A
female
reader, arlamai +, writes (14 May 2010):
Dont say anything until he next contacts you. When he does, say that you are busy and cannot meet up. Cut him off quickly and politely. Do this until he gets the picture.
If this doesn't work, and he pesters you, explain that you don't want to have meaningless sex with him anymore as you care about him and don't want to blur the lines. Say this until he gets the picture.
If this doesn't work then tell him to get lost as he obviously isn't very understanding!!
Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (14 May 2010):
Yes exes CAN be friends but is difficult to get to that point. Being friends with benefits with your ex only reduces the chances of you ever getting back him because he can get sex from you, yet still have the freedom to look elsewhere, if hes having sex with you is because hes probably comfortable being around you & with you. You deserve more than this , dont humiliate yourself , and if you want to work things out try it might work. Goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, missyd  +, writes (14 May 2010):
you should always follow your feelings. if it's not your boyfriend's problem to satisfy you in bed then who is it?
maybe you should take some time to think about what you really want. what do you want for you? What do you want from him? What you don't want from him?
Once you know that, tell him. If he wants the same things then maybe you should get back together but if your needs aren't the same end this story. Otherwise it's not gonna make you happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, DiamondGirlx +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Exes can be friends however .....yours? i dont think will be, he is using you for his own pleasure and does not care about your feelings i understand that you are doing the same however you have clearly stated that you still have hope of getting back together so the best thing to do would be to tell him the truth and tell him why you can no longer carry on just having sex with him, if this does not work or is something you find you cannot do then the other suggestion would be to lose contact with him all together and gradually he will get the message. x
...............................
|
