A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi CupidI’ve been struggling with my situation for quite some time and have recently taken some time apart from my partner. We have been together for 3 years and live together – he is 30 and a chef, I am 28 and a professional social worker. I have never felt so truly stuck in my life as I do at this moment. While we have had some great times over the years and I don’t doubt that my partner loves me, I don’t feel that he respects me. His work requires him to work over weekends and into the evenings. This means we spend very little time together. To make matters worse, he goes out approximately 4 evenings every week with his work colleagues, meaning 4 nights of the week, I go to bed alone. I understand his need to have a life, but feel terribly alone and depressed by this situation. The time we do spend together is sometimes unsatisfying anyway. He seems fairly disengaged much of the time and we have little conversation. While the levels of affection within the relationship are great, our sex life is non-existent. He is at times quite verbally abusive towards me. Particularly if he has been drinking, and he is a heavy drinker and drinks every other night of the week. He also has a history of drug use, although has moderated this somewhat over the years due to my objections. He does however still abuse prescription medication and occasionally uses other drugs such as cannabis and amphetamines. All this worries me tremendously as I can’t imagine having children with somebody who has these issues. I have raised this with him on numerous occasions, but he continues to use in spite of knowing how I feel about this. I have been finding myself becoming increasingly depressed by this situation. I suppose this had reached breaking point, because several days ago I left. He doesn’t appear to have taken this seriously, as he used my absence as an occasion to invite over his mates from work for a “piss up” in which the house was trashed. I find that within this relationship, he is perfectly satisfied with the status quo and henceforth, makes little effort to move the relationship forward. I, on the other hand, am always trying to find ways to improve the relationship and always investing all of my energy into it. This does not feel reciprocated and I don’t feel at all valued for my efforts. Furthermore, whenever I do try to raise issues in the relationship, I am always accused of nagging and am told I should stop “thinking about what we don’t have and accept things the way they are.” It has come to that critical point in the relationship – do I stay or do I go? I’m frightened and overwhelmed by the enormity of this decision. My friends and family around me are pressuring me to leave. They are tired of seeing me hurting. It’s very hard to actually bring myself to make the move. Any words of wisdom for the perpetually stuck?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I am also feeling kind of "stuck" in a long term relationship. In my case, my man broke up with me and we also lived together for 3 years and I have no job, no place to go, so I am living with him until I find a job. And you know, at first, i couldn't accept the truth, I think about the past and places we went together, things we did. And at first I thought, if I changed myself for him and try to accept him, He would take me back. But now I think, why would I change myself? I will not be happy also. So what I think you should do is leave the relationship, the sooner, the better. You might think its been 3 years, think again that, it has only BEEN three years, don't let 3 years affect the rest of your future and love life. There are guys out there who will be interested in things you both do together, who will respect you way more, who will not do drugs etc. Concentrate in your job, friends around you, go out and meet new people, be social, and you will meet the right guy and soon will forget this relationship, you are on the right track.
A
male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (7 June 2010):
Your friends and family are right: you should go.
You know why? Because there's a wonderful guy out there who will respect you and take time for you..... and you're saying "no" to that great guy because you want to be with some jackass instead.
That doesn't sound very smart, now does it?
You know what you want out of a relationship. Now go and GET IT!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 The only words of wisdom I have are...'you only get one life'
You already left him, there is no marriage to end and no kids...all you have to do now is keep on walking towards the rest of your life.
...............................
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