A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Someone please give me advice! I have recently got back with my wife after a seperation. we live seperate and have for the past two years. We decided not to sign divorce papers because we both agreed we still loved each other and our reasons for seperation were petty. We both have had to be honest that we had been with others during our seperation. Things have been going well until a friend told me i should look at this sex chat site. The woman was in 3 hidden camera videos having sex. This woman looked and sounded like my wife, obviously enough for a friend to tell me. I was furious and then I realized that perhaps some creep had taped her without her knowledge. I asked her and sent her the link to the site. She said no it wasn't her, however the next day i went to check the site again, and the videos were deleted. I am afraid i reacted poorly and acused her of lying, and why would the videos be pulled the same day i told her of them? She has told me she is done with my paranoid obsessive thinking, and will be filing divorce papers. I don't want that but I am confused about how to handle this. Please give me some good advice.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I'm not quite following this statement here: "we both agreed we still loved each other and our reasons for seperation were petty." I have yet to meet a couple that separates over petty issues, especially for two years. If your problems were indeed petty, you would have made up in a few hours, or within a day. Petty issues don't involve a 2 year separation, nor does it involve living a single dating life. It just doesn't make any sense at all.
Your marriage has been over for some time. Catching her in an embarrassing moment might have finally spurred her to end this marriage that should have ended 2 years ago.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Honestly if you two have been separated for the past two years, it's over. Love or no love. If it worked between you two you would be together. You wouldn't let PETTY things keep you apart.
I don't think your friend or you were mistaken about the identity of that woman in the porn. I think it was her, it would explain why it was removed the very day after you confronted her.
Honestly, I think it's time to move on, both of you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Nobody can change your paranoid behaviour but you, so maybe you need to give yourself a good talking to and force yourself to actively change.
Even if that was your wife, she may have been completely unaware and if you were that serious about getting back with her you seriously need to draw a line with regard to everything that has gone before. If you don't, petty arguments and accusations will crop up to ruin things.
You are responsible for yourself and you need to be sure 100% that you won't throw this back in your wife's face, because if you do, she is making the best judgement to abandon the marriage for good.
Talk to her, tell her all is forgiven and that you should both begin a new page...THEN JUST DO IT!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Sometimes, you just have to admit that things aren't going just as you'd planned.... and you have to reconcile yourself to the "other" ending to the story....
You'll be fine after you and the Missus have gone your separate ways......
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