A
female
age
41-50,
*ink cloud
writes:I've really liked this guy for about 18 months now. I don't see him that often, just a few times a year, when he comes to visit family next door. We've slept together twice; first time over a year ago when we were drunk, and the second time a few months ago when we were sober. Since the last time we've made an agreement that whenever he comes up we can have a bit of fun together with no strings attached. This was my idea, as he told me after the first time that he wasn't looking for a relationship. The problem is that he blows hot and cold all the time. He'll text me non stop for a few days, and then I won't hear from him at all for a few weeks. We have done the sexting thing for over a year now, and have recently also started skyping. He is the loveliest bloke I have ever met, and when I see him we get along great. Apparently he is scared of commitment due to a situation with an ex, and has been single for a long time. His family say he likes me, and I'm inclined to agree because otherwise surely he wouldn't spend so much time talking to me ie texting. And after the first time we slept together I told him I really liked him and he felt so guilty in case he'd led me on. The problem is that I like him A LOT, and don't know whether to tell him or not. I don't want him to up sticks and move 300 miles to live with me, I'd be happy to see him once a month or so and just see how things go. I just don't know if he does like me enough to want a proper relationship but is scared, or if he really does just want this fuck buddy thing and is using me (although he genuinely doesnt seem the type to do this, and his brother and sister in law say he wouldnt do this either).I'm seeing him next month and don't know what to do!! I'm so confused :(
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female
reader, Pink cloud +, writes (18 July 2012):
Pink cloud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I think deep down I knew it already, but just didn't want to admit it to myself.
I havent heard from him in over 2 weeks now, and have so far resisted temptation to get in touch with him.
I know I have to tell him how I feel when I see him next month, and that I can't carry on with this whole situation because it's fucking with my head. A small part of me wants to try and carry on so at least I'll still get a little piece of him, although I know I'll just end up even more hurt. I'm also kinda mad at myself for getting myself into this predicament, as I promised myself I wouldn't be treated like shit again after my marriage broke up :(
A
female
reader, Pink cloud +, writes (18 July 2012):
Pink cloud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I think deep down I knew it already, but just didn't want to admit it to myself.
I havent heard from him in over 2 weeks now, and have so far resisted temptation to get in touch with him.
I know I have to tell him how I feel when I see him next month, and that I can't carry on with this whole situation because it's fucking with my head. A small part of me wants to try and carry on so at least I'll still get a little piece of him, although I know I'll just end up even more hurt. I'm also kinda mad at myself for getting myself into this predicament, as I promised myself I wouldn't be treated like shit again after my marriage broke up :(
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 It is what it is... Fuck buddies.. nothing more... if he wanted more it would be more.
The issue is you like him a lot and want more... even if you say you don't want him to move... admit it you want him to WANT to move...
Here's my story...
I was married. IT was an open marriage and I met a man that I liked and wanted to have as a plaything... I didn't want anything serious with him and I offered him NSA/FWB type of thing.. with my then husband's permission and blessing I began seeing this guy who lived two hours away.
It was perfect.. until he fell in love with me... (and I with him.. not sure who fell first)..... and POOF did his behavior change.
This was when I realized that men that are in love behave very differently from men that are just going with the flow to get laid....
Men in love call you
Men in love email you
Men in love text you (if they are texters)
Men in love WANT to see you, they want to talk to you, they want to spend time with you they want to talk to you...
they will move heaven and earth to be with you.
I don't buy the "scared of commitment due to an ex" stuff...
my partner is 39 now (he was 37 when we started) and he swore up and down right and left that he did NOT believe in marriage, that marriage was stupid that he was NEVER getting married... he just wanted company..
guess who's getting married in October... yep we are.
Men who have long track records of being alone often think that they don't want to get married, that they are scared of commitment etc... but the truth is they just haven't met the "right" woman.
we have friends who are getting married September 15th first marriage for both... he's 52! but he had never met a woman who he loved enough to be serious with.... but once he met the right girl.... poof it happens.
amazing thing love.
this guy is not your match honey. if he was you would know it by now... My guy was changing his mind about marriage six months after we started FWB... it's very rare that it happens this way and I do think that part of it was because i didn't want it and didn't push him towards it even unconscionably...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 July 2012):
 You don't think he's the kind of guy to treat you as a fuck buddy???...He IS treating you as a fuck buddy already!!!
He has spelled it out for you:
He isn't looking for a relationship
He's had sex with you but hopes you don't think he's leading you on.
You have made an arrangement to have no strings sex when he shows up.
He is your fuck buddy and as many of the aunts will tell you here...Fuck buddies rarely turn into loving partners, so you are wasting your time hoping that's going to happen.
If you want a casual thing then carry on and accept that this is all you are going to get...If you want a relationship with him, isn't it obvious??? He's already getting all the good bits...sex on a plate and your undivided attention on his terms only....AND ABSOLUTELY NO COMMITMENT!!!
Good god, when will women learn that FWB and sex buddies is a massive car crash of a heart break wrapped up in a thin veil of fun.
Good luck with it!!!
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