A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't stop arguing with my boyfriend. Last week we started having sex doggy style but it hurt me as he's quite big. Because I was moving away from him he got really angry forced me off him and pushed me down onto the bed. I felt really humiliated by it ad I've never seen someone get so angry. He threw things and stormed off downstairs. He wouldn't say sorry so I didn't speak to him for a few days. He thinks I did it on purpose so. I could have a few days to myself and could see other guys. He always thinks I'm cheated because he got into my facebook account and found other men had sent messages to me, I didn't reply, I should of told them to get lost or deleted them but I didn't so I can understand why he's upset. But now that's all he thinks about. We went out last night, I walked past my ex but he grabbed my arm and started chatting, my ex was quite drunk and when I was dancing with my boyfriend my ex just stood there trying to talk to me. It was really odd cos he could see I was with my boyfriend. They had words with each other but now he's dumped me cos I didn't tell him to go away. Whenever we are out my boyfriend gets loads of attention but I don't get angry or upset I guess I'm just proud that people like him and he's with me. I'm a laid back person and I don't get angry with anything really. He's making out like I'm just the bitch from hell and I'm awful. Should I try hard to win him back or should I just leave it. I don't know if I am that bad a person for being like this I would just like an outsiders opinion. I'm going through a custody battle with the father of my children and he never wants me to talk about it with him, he gets annoyed when I get upset about it. Its like his feelings mean evrything in this relationship and my feelings don't count.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): You are falling for an Abuser and I would dare say narcissist. Narcissists use people to feed their narcisstic supply. So this relationship is already toxic.
He has no respect, love, or tenderness for you. A man in love is kind, patient, supportive, and would never want or do a thing to hurt his Lady Love.
Your BF just doesn't fit the bill of a man in Love with you or even cares to treat another human being with genuine care.
RUN!!
Definition
By Mayo Clinic staff
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and in other areas of their life, such as work or school.
Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around psychotherapy
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=symptoms
A
female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo  +, writes (6 August 2012):
Did you tell him that while you were having sex like that it hurt you? If he didnt know that, you should have let him know, i dought he woulda been angry after you told him. Maybe he thinks you have been cheating on him, and when you pulled away from him during sex, it set him off and thinking that maybe your having sex with someone else. although he shouldnt have been angry at you like that.
As for the ex situation i can see why he was mad, would you like his ex following you two around all night and him not telling her to go away? Let him be mad about that, but i dont think he shoulda broke up with you because of it.
Ithink you should talk to him about it, see whats going through his head. Your deffinitly not a b*tch, but i see why he's acting like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): Thanks for your replies they make me realise what I need to do. Its all blown up today and I've had enough. He used to be in a relationship where he was used for money and she would go out every weekend. He said he was only there to walk the dog half the time. He said he respects her more than me because at least she was honest!! I'm just disgusted by how he thinks sometimes. I spend money on him, I paid for our holiday and I'm always taking him out, I've never cheated and I don't just spend every weekend out with friends. I get constant criticism but he took her on holiday he paid for her driving lessons, he didn't even buy me a new phone when he broke my old one. I need to be a hell of a lot stronger I think, I need to respect myself before anybody else does!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 August 2012):
 I know and understand it's hard being on your own...I have done it!! Raised two kids and work full time...it's lonely at times but when you weigh up all the crap you take from unsuitable men...being single and going it alone is a dream.
It's so tempting to get into relationships hoping and dreaming it will all turn into something special, but if you come across as a little bit soft or needy or vulnerable, it's a green light for some men to take advantage.
I know so many women in poor relationships where they are manipulated and treated really badly and unfairly and they stay because they fear being on their own. They make 'creating the perfect relationship' the focus of their life and feel a failure if they don't have a partner...it's utter rubbish and makes women jump through hoops to cling on to the shittiest of men...JUST to say 'I am not alone'
When you are single, the greatest thing you gain is time to breathe, to evaluate your life and take control over your matters. Money is easier to manage, you have more time for your children, family and friends...and you have total control over your personal well being.
Since spending a good few years by myself I have learned a very important lesson...that MY LIFE MATTERS and MY HAPPINESS and that of my kids comes first. I too have met some really seriously dodgy men...they used to fool me but not anymore, I date on occasion (because I'm a total babe..JK :-)but if I get whiff of bad behaviour or manipulation I bail out. Sometimes I just enjoy being on my own...it's fantastic and I love it way to much to give it up for the wrong guy.
One day I will meet someone who I am totally happy with and who will be happy with me, but I never let NOT being in a relationship spoil my life or force me to make bad choices.
Ask yourself if you NEED to be in a relationship. Do you need to be in one for financial reasons or emotional reasons?...If so, Is it worth putting up with all the shit you are getting and are your needs really being met by this guy?
Ask yourself if you WANT to be in a relationship and if so are you truly wanting to stay with someone who treats you so meanly and doesn't care for you like he should?
If there is no justification for want or need...what's the point of being there?
We all learn in life that people do not change if things are going their way. Your guy has it all his own way and obviously feels good controlling you, therefore he won't ever change...it is you that is struggling because you are not getting what you need and you are having to make a monumental effort to paper over the cracks to make things appear normal...IS IT WORTH THE FIGHT?
I feel for you.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 August 2012):
 What your boyfriend did was disrespect you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It sounds like he thinks you are just a vessel for his sexual pleasure and has few if any positive qualities. If I were you, I would leave him and spend some time being single. You need to figure out why you go after the bad-boy type and think about what you really want in a man. Do you want someone treating you in an abusive way like this guy? Apparently not or you would not have come here. Take some time to be single then get out into some different social circles to meet some different types of people. If you accept this type of behavior from him, you are just going to continue to get more of the same along with my heartache and emotional turmoil.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (5 August 2012):
 God's blessings come sometimes in disguise. This abusive, spoiled child of a man who is unable to care about anyone else except himself (narcissist is a good description) is not a good catch. What a blessing that he has moved on.
The sex scene is a perfect example of his abuse, control and lack of care for you. Picture him tossing a plate of eggs at you because they are not "over easy the way he ordered them."
He makes you out to be the bitch from hell in order to control you. We all know this. But had this been me in your position (no pun intended), I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BITCH FROM HELL and would have kicked HIS ass to the curb the second he flipped out about the sex session.
You have a child (or maybe children); being a mother should be your first priority. If this man could abuse you, he will abuse your kids. He will always be jealous of your child by another father and jealousy comes out in strange ways. Give your child the gift of inviting someone in your life who could care about them and could care about you.
This cad doesn't care about you. Care about yourself enough to pray "thank-you to God" and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Sounds like you BF is a controlling, insecure, spoiled, unreasonable and immature idiot.
As for the father of you child, YOU TWO share a bond over this child, whether your BF likes it or not. REASONABLE adults will understand that there WILL be some communication between parents. There SHOULD be some sort of communication. Just because the parents didn't make it work together as a couple doesn't mean they can't work/talk together for the future of the child. If you BF can't understand that, it's not because he cares about you or the child, it's because he ONLY cares about himself.
He gets furious with you because you don't enjoy being HURT when having sex? Is he serious?
He snoops your Facebook to try and find things to be even more mad at you for?
Honey, you already have 1 child, WHY are you dating one too?
I don't see this guy changing his ways, so it will be his way or the high way and screw your feelings if you stay. Honestly, it sounds like a borderline abusive relationship.
And he sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies. (google it if you don't know what that is).
It's very one-sided and not at all healthy for you and your child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): No I'm not going to get all up in your face I need people to tell me to wise up. The father of my kids was with me for 8 years and went and got married to someone else 6 months after we split up. I seem to attract men who give me no respect at all. I am concerned about my kids more than anything that's all that worries me really, but I'm on my own, I work full time but its a struggle doing it all by myself. Their father has his wages and his wifes and support off her. I thought I could have a good relationship with my current boyfriend but he was in the marines and has seen all these horrible things and I can see now he's just getting more and more aggressive.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 August 2012):
Ok so you have
a) an ex father of your children that you are fighting with
b) a drunken ex who grabs you in bars and doesn't pay attention to your current relationship.
c) a current boyfriend who is agressive when sex doesn't go his way, jealous of other men and uncommunicative about your problems
JeeeZuuussss!!!! you got a full plate there girl.
Have you ever thought of just being on your own so you can sort out the most important thing in your life...your kids?
You seem to have a complete collection of assholes to keep you busy and you are worrying about keeping your current boyfriend sweet???...from the way you describe him he seems a completely disgusting aggressive pig. I think you have to ask yourself why you are in a relationship with him...and I will hack a guess that it is:
'Because you LOVE him'
You have no clue what a decent relationship is and how a man should really treat you so it looks like you are cursed to go through life hitching up with one shithead after another, until you are too old to attract any one else.
Before you get all up in my face and defensive...look in the mirror and ask yourself this question:
AM I HAPPY?
If you were in a loving decent relationship that was right for you, the answer would be, without question, YES.
You are so deeply buried, dependant and controlled that I doubt you know who you really are...
I feel sad for you and your life.
If it were me, I'd get away from all of them and start building my own happy future.
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