A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of many years has been on the internet chat with numerous girls, but one in particular for years.....I just found out this information of late. My problem is he will not admit to it....he blames it on our son...and calls me sick in the head for beleiving such a thing....I am so sick about this...if he told the truth then I could forgive him and move on with our relationship...but he continues to lie and make me think I am crazy. I have shown him the proof and still won't fess up....he has been emotionally abusive and somewhat physically abusive over the years and now this....any advice?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 It sounds like from his attitude that he has no intention of changing his ways. Even if he reluctantly fessed up, you have to ask yourself "What difference would it make?". Do you think that him simply confessing will suddenly make him worthy of forgiveness? Will it stop him from flirting online with women? Will he suddenly come to his senses and plead for forgiveness?
At this point, it isn't a matter of correcting a wrong, it is a matter of who is right in his eyes. And if he is verbally and physically abusive, he will certainly NOT say "you were right" and let you win. Let's face it, if he fesses up, you'll always be able to hold it over him. At least when he lies about it, there is always that shadow of a doubt in your mind and a semi-clear conscious in his mind that he is still gotten away with it.
I think at this point, you need to take stock of what you are doing in this sort of relationship. A man of this nature can be extremely dangerous to your physical and emotional well being. In addition, with your son seeing and learning how to treat women will only negatively impact his life and his future relationships.
Perhaps it is time to seek outside help for yourself to sort out your options. Abusive relationships very rarely get better and often escalate over time. And as you press his buttons by bringing this subject matter up (even though you are probably right) you only put yourself more into danger.
I truly hope you take the high road on this and figure out why you continue to subject your life to his antics.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 I am curious....how can you be positive it wasn't your son? If they both use this computer. If they both at least have access to it, what makes you so convinced your son couldn't be responsible? I don't know how old your son is, but often Moms have a hard time ever thinking their little Johnny would consider such sexual things because they still see them as little boys. Before you hang your husband I would question if you are overlooking the possible connection that your son has discovered this site. Now don't get me wrong, if you as your son he will most likely deny it even if he's guilty because the last thing a guy wants, is for his mother to discover he has become sexually curious about something on the internet. Just a thought.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 You've really tipped your hand... that your hubby isn't much of a hubby, after all.....
This, most recent, is simply the culmination of YEARS of his not giving a damn about you....
Now that you know that, why not cast him from your life and take a chance on starting over???..... this time with a decent guy who will love, understand, respect and be nice to you. You deserve better,... now, go get it!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 July 2012):
 This one of those "are you better off WITH him or WITHOUT him" kind of situations. I totally agree that he isn't going to change his modus operandi. You need to weight things up and make your decision.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 July 2012):
 You face him with proof and he still denies it and calls you crazy...not a lot of respect going on there it seems.
He obviously enjoys what he is doing and if you can't stop him, there probably isn't anyone else who can.
The fact he has been emotionally and physically abusive (which are much greater crimes against a relationship IMHO)in the past and you are still with him, shows him that it's ok to treat you badly and nobody can do a damn thing to stop him...the internet chat thing probably seems small fry to him so no wonder he almost laughs in your face.
Cannot really advise you to leave as I don't know the set up you are in but if I was in that situation, I would save some money, sort out my kids and get the hell out of there.
Life is too short, partners were once starngers to us and can become so again, marriages go stale and people are way too dependant on eachother, forcing them to stay in intolerable situations...personally I'd rather live in a box on the street than put up with that sh*t.
Seriously, I'd walk because things with him will never change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Anytime there is emotional and physical abuse in a relationship then it is time for a divorce.Don't tolerate this kind of behavior anymore.You deserve so much better.Get yourself a good divorce lawyer. Get all your ducks in a row and do it in secret. Since he has been physically abusive in the past you need to be very careful how you go about this. If he were to find out that you wanted a divorce that is the most dangerous time for a woman as the man more than likely will try and retaliate by becoming physically abusive before, during and after the divorce process. You need a safe place to go to. A women's shelter or a relatives place. A place he cannot track you down. An attorney should be able to help you find the appropriate place so that you can protect yourself.
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