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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: If the relationship means so much to him, you'd think he'd want to talk about it right now wouldn't you??
Be strong...let me know how things go...Im in your corner xx... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Oh well let him say what he likes...he can blow smoke up his own arse for the rest of his life, but you, my lovely will be off scott free without a care in the world.
If you can have a happy life alone, then you need to protect it and only giv... (read in full...)
He is 'liking' other girls statuses on Facebook, is he looking to trade me in for someone else?
Q. Both me and my partner are on Facebook and before we got together he would always like my statuses and some of my pictures and he also did this to a previous girl he dated. We have been going through a bit of a bad patch and I have noticed he does ...
A. 28 May 2012: Well maybe it is the final death knell for the relationship...you seem to be stacking up the 'crimes' and that is a sign that in your head, you are justifying the end...and it's healthy to do that.
At least you knew what you were getting into whe... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Yup yup and we all know words are cheap!!
Do you seriously want to stay engaged to this bloke?? You know he isn't capable of changing...if he could change, he would have done so already!!
What are you hoping to happen in the near future??? D... (read in full...)
Why is he commenting on how I don't stay over as much as he would like, when my life has always been this way?
Q. Had a good weekend with my boyfriend of 5 months but a couple of things he said has played on my mind. We are both in our 40s, I have a teenage child, he has no children. My home life is a little more chaotic than his and his mum still does his...
A. 28 May 2012: Oh now I understand, you have two kids and one who quite rightly cannot be left home alone overnight...that changes the dynamic considerably!!
If he knows why you cannot stay what does he expect you to do with your child?
Seems like he is playi... (read in full...)
Can friends with benefits work ?
Q. Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ? Me and my ex started seeing each other last november. We did alot for the 2 months we was together. Met his family his friends he met mine. We all got along. He suffered with migraines and had ...
A. 28 May 2012: FWB doesn't work...He will use you for friendly chats and sex and then drop you like a ton of bricks when he finds someone he does like.
When you see him miraculously sorting his life out and getting his sh*t together you will also see him goin... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Five months and two break ups, a proportion spent as a footy widow. He doesn't respect the fact that you need time on your own and he starts arguments just so he can go out with his mates?...
You didn't mention any of the good bits!!!
I think... (read in full...)
He is 'liking' other girls statuses on Facebook, is he looking to trade me in for someone else?
Q. Both me and my partner are on Facebook and before we got together he would always like my statuses and some of my pictures and he also did this to a previous girl he dated. We have been going through a bit of a bad patch and I have noticed he does ...
A. 28 May 2012: How is your relationship in the real world doing?...if alls well then I'd say the FB thing needs ignoring.... (read in full...)
Why is he commenting on how I don't stay over as much as he would like, when my life has always been this way?
Q. Had a good weekend with my boyfriend of 5 months but a couple of things he said has played on my mind. We are both in our 40s, I have a teenage child, he has no children. My home life is a little more chaotic than his and his mum still does his...
A. 28 May 2012: I don't understand why you can't stay at his whilst your child is at university...does your child live at home whilst attending uni or does she stay in halls of residence?...Do you have a dog that can't be left when there is nobody in the house?
... (read in full...)
Can I get my medical records changed/updated?
Q. I went to the doctor's office for an Ingrown toe nail. This is my forth or fifth time there. The problem is when I look at the computer screen, I notice they listed "mild retardation" under my "ongoing medical problem". I am not retarded in ...
A. 28 May 2012: Not sure how it is in the USA but here in the medical profession we refrain from using such words as retardation...there are better and more accurate terms that are less distressing and less offensive.
Here we are alble to pay to see our medical ... (read in full...)
Do I send him a nasty letter or completely ignore him ?
Q. Hi everyone, well the last couple of days have been traumatic for me to say the least, we had finished the relationship and i was doing fine, i text him to say basically do what you have to do but dont include me. He then said I had his motivati...
A. 27 May 2012: Yep tell him to go fourth and multiply :-)
Really truly you don't need that kind of crap in your life xxx... (read in full...)
Do I send him a nasty letter or completely ignore him ?
Q. Hi everyone, well the last couple of days have been traumatic for me to say the least, we had finished the relationship and i was doing fine, i text him to say basically do what you have to do but dont include me. He then said I had his motivati...
A. 27 May 2012: Blimey don't he always have an answer for everything!!!
Really he sounds like a selfish manipulative shit to be honest. I think if this were happening to me, I'd have to tell him that I no longer want to be in contact with him and cut him loose...... (read in full...)
I'm hopelessly in love with a man who refuses to commit. Is there any way this could turn? Is there anything I can do? Should I just run?
Q. I'm in denial but maybe writing this out will help me move on? I am madly in love with a man that I've known for years and was seeing for a few months. Despite the baggage he has, issues, and I think a drinking problem. Things were really gre...
A. 27 May 2012: I don't think there is anything you can do to be honest...he only wants to have sex with you and anything else around that is just fluff...the sweet talk, the telling you he loves you...it's just words.
It's been said a million times over on this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is a super model while I'm fat and ugly!
Q. my boyfriend's ex is a super model. she is drop dead gorgeous with a perfect body. they broke some 2.5 years ago due to some misunderstandings. they really loved each other, ive seen their letters in his bag once. my boyfriend and i have been ...
A. 27 May 2012: If his ex is so wonderful...why isn't he still with her?
Ex'x are ex for a reason and if the relationship was over 2 years...it had to be a pretty big reason.
Everything you are worried about can be changed...diet exercise etc but your boyfrie... (read in full...)
Is he bailing out on me?
Q. Hello, I've known this guy along time. We had a great connection and began dating. We had a lot of fun together and I found myself developing some deep feelings for him. He explained early on he was "burnt" in a relationship years ago and aft...
A. 26 May 2012: Bailing?..nope.
Keeping you in the 'friend I can call on when things are a bit slow in my relationship life'...yes.
He sounds a bit flaky and unsure of what he does want, but by the way he is acting, I don't think he is wanting a relationship w... (read in full...)
Scared? Moved on? Played?
Q. Met a (never married but just got out of bad 10-12 yr relationship - not the mother and did a job on them emotionally and mentally-she cheated on him) single dad little over a year ago. He's never had a positive female connection in his life ...
A. 25 May 2012: I didnt quite know how to approach this one, so gave it a little thought before I tackled it.
A)Ok so we know when two people fall for eachother they 'engage' in a foward thinking and positive way. They see eachother often, allow feelings to grow ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become even more controlling
Q. Hi all,Please help. I;m worried. MY BF has been very controlling for the last 14 months. I do not live with him, and have started getting back to my normal self, eg: feeling ok and dressing better, and getting my life back. I am trying to detach. ...
A. 25 May 2012: It sounds like it's time to call it a day. You certainly sound like you have had enough of his messing about, and who can blame you!!
If you can't face telling him yourself, you could get a friend to do it for you. If he continues to contact ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to bring another wife into our marriage!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have two children. I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis that has required 17 surgeries. Our life has been stressful, because of the disease, but I try to stay focused on my husbands needs and even ...
A. 25 May 2012: I am sorry to be so blunt, but for him the marriage is a good part dead already. He has told you he isn't in love with you, doesn't want to have sex with you and has made a ludicrous suggestion of bringing another woman in...
This could be for 2... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become even more controlling
Q. Hi all,Please help. I;m worried. MY BF has been very controlling for the last 14 months. I do not live with him, and have started getting back to my normal self, eg: feeling ok and dressing better, and getting my life back. I am trying to detach. ...
A. 25 May 2012: I don't really understand if you are still with him or you have split up??
Have you just moved back to your place to get away from him?
Has he shown any other controlling behaviour toward you apart from what you have stated (what your weari... (read in full...)
I think my ex hacked into my facebook account
Q. what would you do? hello im 30 and my ex girlfriend is 26 we've got 2 kids. we live together. and for years we've not been close since the birth of our first child. and this year after years of unhappy r/ship we split up. we desided for the ...
A. 24 May 2012: It must be 'nice' for your ex to know that you no longer love her or want to be with her, but you are orchestrating your new sex life over the internet from her house!!!!
I also find it incredicle that people care more about their facebook... (read in full...)
Why is she calling me after we broke up?
Q. Hi, So me and my ex girlfriend went on a cruise and had a terrible time. Our arguments started when I noticed she would walk away from me when we were walking together. For example, we were walking to a the theater for a show and she walked into ...
A. 22 May 2012: Well if you can salavage the friendship and give her some time and space, who knows, it may go in your favour.
At least you guys are talking...it's a start.
xxxxx... (read in full...)
I asked my husband to move out but he's acting in front of his visiting family like everything is just fine between us!
Q. i have a controlling Husband trying to prove me wrong and put me down quite often - making jibes at me infront of the kids and not helping out at home generally. I work full time and look after home/ two kids. Etc. I warned him before that i had ...
A. 22 May 2012: You arn't separated if you still share a bed...sorry but you just arn't and even the legal system wouldn't take your petition seriously if you were doing this.
He has every right to stay in his home. Under english law you need to be separate... (read in full...)
How do I turn my FWB relationship into a real relationship?
Q. i have a fuck buddy who i have been shagging for a year, we started seeing each other few years ago then he said i dont want a relationship. we have mutual friends that do not know we are fb weve have known each other 9yrs and always ask our mutual ...
A. 22 May 2012:
'neither of us can ever stop contacting each other'
YES you can and Yes you must because this isn't going anywhere and he is just using you for sex (like an unpaid sex worker!!)
It's easy to stop contacting someone, you lose their number an... (read in full...)
My husband keeps cards from his ex wife out in the open and hangs around with a psycho ex girlfriend claiming that they're "friends"! What is going on?
Q. My husband and I have recently moved house, and we are still in the process of putting things away. Today, on a shelf in the den/study, where he had just put everything where he wanted it, there was this card in plain sight. It said,'To my husband', ...
A. 22 May 2012: I'd also like to add that if it were you who had cards from ex's displayed around the house and kept in touch with your own psycho ex, well that would be a great annoyance to your man and I suspect he would nag your arse off...
It's just weird ho... (read in full...)
My husband keeps cards from his ex wife out in the open and hangs around with a psycho ex girlfriend claiming that they're "friends"! What is going on?
Q. My husband and I have recently moved house, and we are still in the process of putting things away. Today, on a shelf in the den/study, where he had just put everything where he wanted it, there was this card in plain sight. It said,'To my husband', ...
A. 22 May 2012: He obviously has some sort of attachment problem that stops him completely letting go of the past. Having the cards on display might have just brought back old memories (I assume the cards were hidden previous to the move)so maybe after he has ... (read in full...)
Why is she calling me after we broke up?
Q. Hi, So me and my ex girlfriend went on a cruise and had a terrible time. Our arguments started when I noticed she would walk away from me when we were walking together. For example, we were walking to a the theater for a show and she walked into ...
A. 21 May 2012: Sounds like she pretty much killed the relationship when you were on the cruise together, so the split was inevitable...
She has turned to you in a time of crisis (not much of a crisis but a crisis none the less) It looks like she just needed a... (read in full...)
Is it me? Are my expectations on how life should be realistic?
Q. I'm looking for advice on really what is acceptable Or is me? Are my expectation on what life must be like how it is realistic? My belief is that a person must not have more than one partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm different, or there's somethin...
A. 21 May 2012: Yes they do cheat and play on other people's emotions but it isn't in the name of love...
It's in the name of getting away with it!!!
Cheaters usually cheat again, they are best avoided!!!... (read in full...)
Reunited after 9 years. So why is he so disregarding my feelings?
Q. This is a long one, so leave the page now if you don't like long stories lol. I am in a situation where I should be feeling on top of the world and settled. But I feel tearful and unsettled. I am in the process of getting back with my child's ...
A. 21 May 2012: I agree, you need to really step back and take a look at this situation without the complication of emotion (not easy)
I think the most glaring problem here is the underhanded way he is doing this.
I think I would feel much more secure (if ... (read in full...)
Is it me? Are my expectations on how life should be realistic?
Q. I'm looking for advice on really what is acceptable Or is me? Are my expectation on what life must be like how it is realistic? My belief is that a person must not have more than one partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm different, or there's somethin...
A. 21 May 2012: I think most people share your opinion on the 'one partner' idea.
I guess you are talking about 'one partner at a time' as in a monogamous relationship?
It is a trait in human nature to seel out new partners when we are not happy and there ... (read in full...)
Marriage over. How do I restart my social life and start developing a circle of friends?
Q. I have just said good bye to a pretty rough patch in life and a controlling husband and therefore have practically no social life. I want to begin having a social life - i have two kids AND a full time job so i'll have to make the effort and it wont...
A. 21 May 2012:
https://www.hensdancing.com/
Have you heard of this? ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not to buy my wife another vibrator?
Q. Am I wrong not to buy my wife another vibrator? A few years ago I bought my wife a vibrator to spice things up in the bedroom. She was a bit hesitant at first but after a while she would regularly use it to finish herself off. As the months w...
A. 20 May 2012: This really made me smile!!!
God bless whoever invented the vibrator, for all the inequalities women face in society, vibrators have been a major payoff...MAJOR!!! They work so well and that's why women love them but they cannot provide loving a... (read in full...)
Cross dressing has taken over his life
Q. This is my first time on here so, here goes, ive known a man for nearly 20 years infact i was a bridesmaid at his wedding he split up from his wife about 3 years ago - she was very unkind and decided to tell everybody that he was a cross dresser ...
A. 20 May 2012: I think it's hard to get closure when you can't accept the truth about a situation.
From an outsider point of view it seems this man is branching out to a new part of his life and it's a part that he doesn't want to share with you.
He's tr... (read in full...)
What do I do about this cheating man?
Q. I am ashamed to say I had a affair several years back and it resulted in my having a son. The man in question is over twice my age at 55 and has three grown up children. After publicly denying everything he then try's to ring and failing that starts ...
A. 20 May 2012: What do you want from this situation? Your question is a bit muddled.
xx... (read in full...)
What do I do about this cheating man?
Q. I am ashamed to say I had a affair several years back and it resulted in my having a son. The man in question is over twice my age at 55 and has three grown up children. After publicly denying everything he then try's to ring and failing that starts ...
A. 20 May 2012: Do you want to be with this man?... (read in full...)
Should I remain at home? I'm so scared of leaving home. It's scary.
Q. The time has come for me to be an adult and im so scared. I don't know how to grow up and do for myself because im the only chilf and i use to being well taken care of. Next to all that issue is that im shy and i don't even get out as much. be...
A. 20 May 2012: Maybe it's time for you to ask your parents to show you a few life skills before you do leave home.
Simple budgeting, learning to make a few simple meals and perhaps learning how to use a washing machine might give you a confidence boost.
... (read in full...)
What do I do about this cheating man?
Q. I am ashamed to say I had a affair several years back and it resulted in my having a son. The man in question is over twice my age at 55 and has three grown up children. After publicly denying everything he then try's to ring and failing that starts ...
A. 20 May 2012: Is there a reason that this man wants to cause trouble for you?
One would think if he is 'creating' all these children and having flippant affairs all over that he would move on quickly and shirk off his responsibilities by going off the radar!! ... (read in full...)
What game is my wife playing here?
Q. After 14 years of marriage and 2 kids, my wife wanted a divorce. We have been separated for 14 months. Now after all this time she calls me and says that it takes 2 people to get a divorce, that I should have stood up to her and made us go to ...
A. 19 May 2012: She had the problems and you were suppose to solve them?
Divorce and separation are HARSH, even if you are the one who initiated...
I suspect your 'wife' is feeling confusion and guilt and is trying to filter some of that negativity onto ... (read in full...)
He asked, I replied. Now my answer is the reason he is breaking up with me. Can I change his mind?
Q. Hello everyone,i really need help on this.. I met this guy a couple of weeks ago and we started talking to each other on the internet.. We went out last night for the first time and he asked me with how many guys i've been.. I told him the trut...
A. 19 May 2012: In all honesty you should consider yourself lucky for having had a lucky escape from such an insecure judgemental immature idiot.
This guy doesn't even know you and is already manipulating you. It's only been two weeks, you cannot know enough a... (read in full...)
Family Feud and my husband is siding with his sister against me. What are my options?
Q. I have had a very bad falling out with my sister in law. We never liked each other anyway but the last time I have seen her we had a massive disagreement. My husband sided with his sister against me which added to me being upset. Since then I have...
A. 19 May 2012: I don't think you have any other choice but to stay away for the time being. Your husband should be supporting you, but probably feels torn as his siter is his blood and it's hard to take sides.
Is there anyone else in the family that could ac... (read in full...)
I need to stop wasting time. Please send words of advice on my situation.
Q. I have not been happy in my long term relationship for a while. He is the father to my youngest child. I am very independent with my own properties and I have quite a glamorous job with an airline. He does not take me any where, never met his fa...
A. 19 May 2012: It beggars belief that you have a child with him and yet, have never been introduced to him family!!!
I don't blame you for feeling so used and abused by him and the time has come to end your association with him and stop him walking in and out ... (read in full...)
What can I do to finally make my boyfriend see that he needs to take some responsibility!
Q. Help! What can I do to finally make my boyfriend see that he needs to take some responsibility! I have tried everything He works part-time, Between 3 and 4 days a week. I work part-time as well, but over 5 days. I start housework as soon as I get ...
A. 18 May 2012: Stop doing for him...If he asks why you arn't cleaning up his mess, just laugh and say I am not your mother and I am not your cleaner and cook.
It's just laziness at the end of the day and he isn't too old to learn to share the work.... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 18 May 2012: I think you are over thinking this...just do what feels natural. You are trying to second guess her. You know she's got a lot on so don't panic if she don't contact you for a few days.
The weekend is here...ask her if she wants to hang out on S... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 17 May 2012: Don't worry if she don't text back...you are a guy, you can do a little chasing. Just text her every day, asking how she is and tell her shes in your thoughts...that should be enough.... (read in full...)
He's going on the cruise we planned to go on together without me! Am I wrong to be upset with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. A few months into our relationship his sister invited him on a cruise because his nephew couldn't go at the last minute. At the same time he got laid off from his job so the getaway was good for ...
A. 17 May 2012: Yup...men are selfish and will crawl over your face to get what they want!!
He seems to be really good at freeloading vacations and he don't mind putting your nose out of joint.
He's gonna go, so not much you can do about it, but maybe while ... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 17 May 2012: Sure...go hang out if that's what she wants.
If she is having a tough time you could be a stand up guy and let her know you are there for her and offer to help her with anything she needs...that shows you care about her and will stand by her when... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 17 May 2012: Show her more attention when you are with her I guess...
The phone thing is annoying. I actually stopped seeing a friend because whenever she came to see me she was constantly texting on her phone, so much so that she was completely distract... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 7 May 2012: Tell her you won't play games. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.
She's blowing a smoke screen and obviously isn't happy with some of your behaviour. Ask her straight, what the problem is and tell her you need to know or else you cann... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 5 May 2012: She is avoiding you...she answered the call (from the blocked number) heard your voice, hung up and turned off her phone...could that be any clearer.
I know everything seemed fine last time you saw her but evidently all is not fine and she does... (read in full...)
I thought everything was fine, why hasn't she gotten back to me?
Q. Hello so me and my girlfriend have been together for a month and it's been great and we have a lot in common. She's been really cool but we had an argument a couple days ago but made up that night. I went over to her place and stayed the night and ...
A. 5 May 2012: Maybe she has decided to let you go. People are a bit gutless and seldom say goodbuy.
Have you tried calling her? You either need news...or closure...she owes you that but maybe she's been busy.... (read in full...)
Cross dressing has taken over his life
Q. This is my first time on here so, here goes, ive known a man for nearly 20 years infact i was a bridesmaid at his wedding he split up from his wife about 3 years ago - she was very unkind and decided to tell everybody that he was a cross dresser ...
A. 10 April 2012: He has moved on! that's why he is distancing himself from you and being mean. He's looking for new friends and branching out but has made it clear that you arn't invited along for the ride.
It's a really awful thing to take advantage of someone ... (read in full...)
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