A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what would you do if after planning to meet up/ visit your boyfriend hoping that he will make the time to be with you for the two weeks off that u took from work, he tells you he will be working and that he has got the long weekend to be with you..... bearing in mind it is a long distance relationship, in two different continents and we seldom get the time to be together...he claims to be working and that his colleagues are off duty so he will be covering...again not only will he be working weekdays but also the first weekend of my visit....is it wrong for me to cancel visiting him at all especially coz he was in agreement to taking the time prior to me booking my holidays 5 months in advance??? how will you feel if these happened to you?? i will be staying at his place, and i do find or rather feel that he is selfish and wants me on his terms, i feel he doent value my time and sees me as a plain jane whom he doesnt have to work hard to please, im feeling like im not worthy of his time and hat he aint really been honest..we hav been together for two yrs, visited each other before, planning a future together though it isnt easy but we trying.....any answers will be appreciated, esp from male opinion.... ladies what will u do??pls
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I would definitely cancel. I have a childhood friend that lives in Greece. I visited her twice, and every time she would tell me about her schedule, and how busy she is. In fact she doesn't work, her business was constructed of two dance classes a week, and seminars that she was taking for her own pleasure.
The last and final time I visited her for 4 days, as I already had a feeling that she is not willing to take time off just for me, and I m flying across the globe to see her, she cancelled our trip to one of the islands the last minute, because of some seminar.
The funniest part is that we went out dancing and ( we are not drinkers at all) got so horribly drunk just the night before I had to leave for the island( all was booked ahead), that I managed to get on a plane, but she was so sick the next morning and 2 days after that she missed the whole seminar.
It's a very unpleasant feeling when your host or hostess don't even bother making an effort to change their life for a few days, especially when they can.
I was very much hurt by my friends behavior, and we didn't talk for a year after that. I never went visiting her again.
I can understand how you feel, she at least wasn't my boyfriend. I know one thing: if he wanted to spend time with you he would put tons of effort to do it. And I m sure with so much planning ahead of time he would manage to get this time off.
A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Hi,
Well an honest response from me is to cancel the trip. Long distance relationships grab and long for opportunities to be with each other. I'm afraid that here, he is putting you off. So, let him suggest a time when he is free from work commitments. I fear from his actions that he isn't quite into this relationship as he needs to be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): If I were you, I'd cancel the trip and save yourself the money and aggravation. Wait until he can spend adequate time with you. Under no circumstances should you rush to this kind of commitment, if he's not fully available. LDR's are already enough work under normal circumstances, so why add any additional headaches.
And in response to G_D: This has nothing to do with a guy who can't find a woman near his own place. Often times, we're very limited with the available dating pool where we live. Quite often, we need to broaden our horizon to find exactly what we're looking for. Some areas greatly lack interesting or exciting people, as compared to other regions or even countries.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I wouldn't go because it would be a wasted trip if I could not spend the majority of the time with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I agree with Tisha. Cancel the trip. Either wait til he can take time of and visit YOU or wait til he can take time off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I was in a similar situation recently with my long distance boyfriend, and I was given some great advice, if you have any doubts at all about visting at this time, don't go. It was hard advice to take because of course I wanted to see him, but I took it and cancelled my plans. I explained to my boyfriend that under the circumstances I didn't feel it was the right time for me to be visiting and he has realised that he was taking advantage of me to an extent and that he had to make more effort and to my surprise he has really stepped up and is really trying to make it work. I cancelled my plans because he suddenly wasn't going to be able to spend as much time with me while I was there, and like you we live on different continents, and I was feeling unimportant to him. Do what feels right for you and what is best for you. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 What would I do? I would cancel the trip and suggest that when he is able to come visit me, I would take the time off work to spend with him then.
What sort of job does he have that he can't take more time off to be with you, after you have traveled so far to be with him and build the relationship?
I'd feel disappointed but perhaps realize that this is a wakeup call that the relationship doesn't mean the same to him as it does to me. I'd probably consider whether investing more time and energy into a relationship with a guy who isn't making much of an effort is even worth sustaining.
I'd take a break from the relationship, assess why you've been with him for 2 years and if this is really going anywhere or if the relationship is more of a fantasy on your part.
Is giving him more of your time and energy worth the payback? Is this really going to happen? After 2 years, there should be some movement, one way or the other.
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A
male
reader, G_D  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 long distance relations r usually just for timepass.. don't be serious for dis kind of guy who could not find a girl near his place ..... or maybe he'd found ... but still hes wid u ..
leave him and find one near you !
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